


The Commanders' Secretary (Erwin x Reader aka Rhey x Levi)

by Lady_Rhey



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Training Corps Shenanigans, Alpha Erwin Smith, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dominant Erwin Smith, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Naked Cuddling, Oral Sex, POV Erwin Smith, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Passion, Possessive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Reader Named, Reader-Insert, Romance, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Content, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, Shower Sex, Smut, Vaginal Sex, Wall Sex, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-07-24 18:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 75,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16180823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Rhey/pseuds/Lady_Rhey
Summary: I hate my life.  I would give anything to be anywhere else but here.  That's what I'm thinking as I come home tipsy from the bar in my work dress, and collapse on my bed with my head pillowed on my purse.  I don't remember falling asleep but when I wake up I'm in a medical bed with the most gorgeous man I never expected to see looking at me......





	1. Meeting You......and Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Because I FUCKING HATE insert abbreviations like (E/C, HC, etc) I give my Reader a name. I've been getting a lot of shit for this too and just to put it out there, Rhey is my go to for all my characters (WOW/SWTOR/FF/ETC. so don't be so judgy about where the name comes from and that it's my username. Those of you who need to put yourself 'seemlessly' into the story need to look somewhere else and just not read this. It will save us both a lot of unnecessary bullshit. I feel a name gives a more seamless visual transition then breaking a moment to remember what color your eyes are or your hair (in case you dye it regularly). Yeah it means you have to change her name to yours, but that’s (IMO) easier than being interrupted in the middle of a sex scene to insert your wtfe. Hope you like it! <3 Rhey

Ever since I saw the first episode of AOT, I had fallen in love with Levi and Erwin for their COMPLETELY opposite personalities. Erwin for the pleasure, Levi for the pain. They were two sides of the same coin.

Erwin wielded power but didn't abuse it like Levi. He was reserved, confident, gentle, reliable, and sensitive (at least in my opinion). He was the kind of man that allowed you to feel like a woman, valued, beautiful, and priceless.

Levi touched the darker part of my soul. The part that wanted to be abused because even negative attention was better than no attention. He was the bad boy, the heart breaker every girl thought they would be able to change, the sex god, the dominant able to exercise your dirty fantasies.

Erwin would wield my heart, Levi would destroy it.

So imagine my surprise when I woke up after a night of drinking and found myself staring at Erwin.........

 

* * *

 

**_The lights......they are so bright....._ **

I scrunch my face and try to hide it in the sheet.

"I think she is waking up! Go let the Commander know!"

**_Too loud.....please.....not so loud.....let me lie here._ **

But my body wouldn't let me sleep now that it had registered noise. I tried to sit up, keeping my eyes closed, and immediately regretted it as my head throbbed from my hangover and nausea swept over me.

Groaning I laid back down and covered my head with the sheet.

**_30 more minutes please dear god just give me 30 more minutes._ **

Eventually the noises disappeared as I fell back asleep.

 

* * *

 

The room was dark except for a few candles here and there when I opened my eyes much slower this time, I sat up.

**_No more nausea that's a plus._ **

I slowly open my eyes to see a figure seated across from me against the wall. A book rests open on his leg that is crossed over his knee and he is looking at me casually. I look into his eyes with a look of amazement and feel my mouth open in shock ever so elegantly.

"I'm glad you are finally awake."

"You......are you.....?"

"Commander Erwin Smith 13th Commander of the Survey Corp. And you are?"

"Clearly hallucinating....." I bite my cheek a little too hard to check if I am. "Mmnnn, damn, guess not, that hurt."

"Do you feel well enough to come back to my office for some questions?"

"I guess there is only one way to find out." I carefully pull off the covers and realize I am still in my work dress.

**_What the fuck is going on. Least it doesn't wrinkle easy so I should still look somewhat descent._ **

I slowly swing my legs over the bed and look for my shoes.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes....I just need my things, especially my shoes."

"Of course let me grab them for you."

Not waiting for my protest, Erwin goes and grabs my things. A few seconds later, he has my bag in one hand and my shoes in the other.

**_He still has two arms.....that gives me a sense of where we are in the story at least._ **

He gently places my bag down and then kneels in front of me.

"Whaaat...you don't have to...."

Gently taking first my left foot and then my right, Erwin places my shoes on my feet, which is impressive because I am wearing my 3" Gianni Binni black snake skin sling backs with the gold sole that go AMAZING with the black geometric wrap dress with deep V and collar that makes my breasts and ass simply delicious in my opinion.

"It's my pleasure." He stands up to see me blushing.

"Such a gentleman, thank you."

I carefully stand, get my glasses out of my bag and put them on, and then put my bag on my shoulder.

"May I take your arm? I am a little unsure of my balance if where we have to go is far." I say when I turn to look at him.

He hands me his elbow and I take it bashfully as we walk to his office, the sounds of my heels echoing off the floor as my stride matches his.

Fortunately no one seems to be in the hall, so we walk in silence until we get to the door where he stops, releases my hand and opens the door for me to enter.

"Feel free to sit anywhere you like."

I smile, enter his office and move to sit in the chair in front of his desk.

"Would you like a drink?"

A sharp pain in my head reminds me of my folly. "If you have water then yes please. I seem to have drank more than I should last night." I can hear him pour something into two glasses as I sit down. Within moments he is at my side handing me a blessedly cold glass.

"Thank you again."

He smiles and then sits on the edge of his desk causing our legs to almost touch.

Taking him in, I cross my legs as if that act alone will uphold my modesty, though I can feel myself getting turned on.

"So I am sure you want to know who I am and why I am here at least." I take a sip. "My name is Rhey and, about the only thing I can tell you about where it is I am from that will make sense is that I am from outside the wall. Regrettably I ask for you to accept that answer, at least for now. I can promise I am not a threat. I could most assuredly not hurt you...." I struggle to not let my eyes wander as I think of digging my nails into his back as we ride wave after wave of pleasure.

I quickly place the glass on my forehead to lower my temperature.

"I have no idea how I got here or how to get back home, but I am happy to leave and go on my way as soon as I am able."

**_What a time not to have a cigarette._ **

"Well, Rhey I would love to take you at your word, but I think we need to keep you here for a while to ensure you aren't a risk to anyone."

"I can understand that. I will happily stay where ever you deem fit.....unless it is a cell. I'm a lady after all and do not feel I could have done anything to warrant that."

"We will not be putting you in a cell. You will, however be staying here with me as I do not have any men to spare babysitting you."

My drink stops halfway to my lips and I stare at him.

"Don't worry. I rarely sleep in the bed anyway so you are welcome to it. I will give you all the privacy you need."

I struggle to regain my composure as I look into my glass and then take a drink. "Well the only way I will allow that is if I can be useful to you." I raise my eyes to his. "Do you happen to need a secretary?"

Erwin looks at me quizzically. "Do you have any experience?"

The smart ass in me kicks in as I begin to feel better now that I am more hydrated and I wink at him. "For a woman of 36, I have plenty of experience, though I am not sure any of that will be relevant to you."

**_Dear god I wish it would though._ **

"As a secretary, I have over 10 years of experience in the field for several high profile clients." I am sure I can manage whatever you throw at me."

Erwin smiles, reaches for my hand, and gently pulls me to a standing position. "I think I can find things for you to do then while you are here."

I clink my glass against his. "It's a deal then." I take a sip and look into his eyes......and my stomach growls loudly.

His laugh warms my heart as I blush in embarrassment.

"I guess you are hungry. It's late, but we can still get something to eat."

"It seems like I can't say no. May I change first and take a shower?"

"Of course. Shall I find you something to wear?"

"I should be fine tonight. I have basic clothes in my bag in case I need to stay overnight at work so I'll be ok tonight."

"Good. The shower and bedroom is through that door then. Once you have cleaned up I can take you to get food. We will get you a uniform tomorrow."

I smile and walk to the bedroom as Erwin rises and walks to sit behind his desk.  Halfway to the bedroom I stop and turn to look at Erwin. "Thank you Commander for your trust and generosity."

"You are welcome Rhey." He says looking at me briefly with a soft smile.

 

* * *

 

The next morning I wake up to the most comfortable bed in the world. I take a huge stretch, lie there for a moment listening to the silence, and open my eyes.......to realize it wasn't a dream. Or at least if it was, I am still in it.

"Fuck." I say softly then jump when a knock comes at the door.

"Just a second!" I quickly lift the sheets to make sure I am dressed then scramble out of the bed. When I open the door, Erwin is sexily leaning against the door frame with an amused smile on his face.

"I thought you would never get up. Though by the looks of you, you rested well."

My eyes go wide and I quickly pull my hair into a messy bun with the ties on my wrist that are always there and blush.

Erwin chuckles and I scrunch my face up in embarrassment. Then I peek around him and see a blanket on the couch and frown.

He catches my eye then looks at the couch. "It isn't as uncomfortable as you think."

I give him a look that says "I don't buy it". "You know I'm old enough to keep my hands to myself.  You can sleep in the bed too seeing as it is yours and...." closing my eyes smiling "amazingly comfortable."

He straightens up. "We need to get your uniform and then I need to put you to work."

I turn and walk to the bed. Putting on my slip ons, I'm the perfect picture of lazy in my tank top and loose fitting yoga pants with a messy bun. I walk a step, then grab my glasses and head over to the door, where Erwin has stood watching me, a smile ghosting across his lips.

 

* * *

 

They had said she was beautiful, but no one knew how true that was each moment I spent in her youthful presence.

She was beautiful. She was also delicate and strong, cute and breathtakingly sexy, put together and an absolute mess. No woman had drawn themselves into me like she had. Her body......was something I couldn't think about. Where most men would think her hips were too big, her thighs too thick or her broad shoulders un-feminine, I saw a woman who was aging ten times better than even my oldest liquor. She was a refreshing step up from the cadets he was surrounded by ever day.

I had wanted to sleep in my bed with her last night but, as she said, I was a gentleman despite my thoughts not being that gentlemanly.

Right now I was watching her dart quickly around the room trying to pull herself together until she stood in front of me and I realized she was smaller than I thought without shoes on.

This only turned me on more than I was already since it made her more delicate in my eyes in comparison to my tall, muscular frame.

**_She has to be 5'6" or close to it._ **

Her size didn't make her any less intense, though. Looking in her eyes now I saw a fire and a confidence few women he came in contact with had.

"Ready when you are Commander." She said, her eyes sparkling.

"Then shall we go?"

I backed up, allowing her to walk into my office.

I watched her walk past and towards the door a minute before following.

**_What have I gotten myself into?_ **

 

* * *

 

If he thought she was sexy before the uniform, she was damn near erotic in it. Not being an actual cadets, she had the freedom to interpret her clothes. As a result, she was wearing the scout boots, breeches, belt and blouse everyone else did, but paired with the long scout coat and 3DMG straps criss crossing her body as well as the expanse of bosom exposed since she left the top 3 buttons of her shirt undone, she looked like she was into bondage. Everything fit her nice and tightly enhancing her ample breasts and hips as the coat lengthened her back making her look slimmer and more sultry. He could feel his arousal teetering on noticeable and had to actively concentrate on everything but her.

"Now that you are outfitted, shall we go eat before we jump into work?"

"You read my mind." She said as she put a hand to her stomach.

 

* * *

 

She had put the dining hall in an uproar for the few cadets that were there. One boy stabbed himself with a fork. Another walked into a wall three times staring at her. A third had spilled his drink on, whom Erwin could only guess, was his girlfriend since a jealous fight ensued.

They had eaten quickly and he was currently seated at his desk with her leaning over him, her breasts close enough he could turn his head and lick her nipple if he wanted, going over some invoices when a knock came at the door. "Come in." He lifted his head to see Levi enter and stop dead, eyes growing wide briefly before addressing him.

 

* * *

 

**_That stupid idiot. Now I have more paperwork to do courtesy of him injuring himself during practice._ **

Levi knocked on Erwin's door and entered with papers in his hand for Erwin to sign only to walk in to see an older cadette leaning over Erwin. She looked up when he entered , her mouth left slightly opened as she stood up straight crossing her arms in front of her chest only making those incredible breasts look even bigger.

His erection came on quicker than he could curb so he was forced to turn and close the door slowly in an attempt to regain his composure before giving Erwin his report.

 

* * *

 

**_He is even more sexy in person._ **

I stood up straight and crossed my arms under my chest feeling insecure. I knew I couldnt possibly be attractive enough to catch his interest so I remained silent by Erwin's side as I kept a disinterested look on my face.

"Levi may I introduce my new secretary Rhey. Rhey this is Levi. Starting today she is under my command alone seeing as she isn't a cadette. This means you have no ability to treat her like a subordinate so please keep that in mind."

"So this is the infamous stray you picked up. Tch. You are too trusting Commander. You don't know anything about her."

I keep a straight face knowing what to expect from his personality and refusing to be baited.

"She has shown great promise and will be an immense help to me. I also don't remember needing your opinion on the subject."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Noted. Now what brings you to my office?"

I turn my back and lean against the desk. Out of sight out of mind. He wasn't good for me and I knew it.

Levi's gaze bore into Rhey's back for a few seconds at her rude dismissal of him, but Erwin seemed unfazed.

"One of the new recruits hurt himself training and will be out until further notice. I needed you to sign off on his temporary leave."

Levi, now in more control of his body, walks towards Erwin's desk and sets the papers down in front of him.

"Any permanent injuries?"

"Other than the ones I gave him for being an idiot?"

"I keep thinking one of these days you will exercise kindness as you realize it goes a lot farther than fear."

I turn my head and cough stifling a laugh, which comes out as more of a choking sound. I can almost hear Levi grind his teeth as he gives me that delicious glare.

Erwin glances at me and I hold up my hand letting him know I am ok, though I make a fist with one hand, placing it at my mouth and hold the elbow of that hand with the other hoping to restrain myself better.

Erwin signs the documents and hands them to Levi. "Anything else Captain?"

"No."

"You are dismissed."

Levi takes the paperwork and leaves.

"I think he likes you." Erwin says with a smile.

I laugh good humoredly. "Is that what you call that icey stare into my back? You must hate me then." I say as I reach out and touch his shoulder without thinking. Once the contact registers, I blush and pull my hand away. There is an awkward silence and then Erwin speaks up.

"I think I will take a shower. That couch wasn't as comfortable after all."

"Just remember what I said." I tell his retreating form as he enters his room but doesn't close the door.

I'm now in that awkward place where I can try to close the door and accidentally see something OR I can keep busy and ignore it.

I decide to remove my coat and ignore it as I lay down to test the couch in question.

Though it isn't as comfortable as his bed, it isn't uncomfortable either. I feel a little less bad that I took it over last night. I lay down on my back and rest an arm over my eyes.

Soon my eyes feel heavy and I begin drifting off to sleep, until two strong arms lift me up in a princess carry and take me into the bedroom.

The sudden motion startled me and I wrap my arms instinctively around Erwin's neck only to realize what I am doing and blush uncontrollably.

Erwin laughs as he gently tosses me on the bed.

I catch my bearings quickly, getting on my hands and knees ready to tackle him in retaliation when my eyes catch up with my body.

His sun bleached blonde hair is slicked back. As my eyes travel down, following the beads of water as they drip down his incredible body, I take in his incredibly sculpted chest and abs. My eyes linger longer than is descent as they travel to his adonis line which is blocked by a towel that looks like it could fall at any minute. I don't realize my eyebrows have scrunched in dismay as my eyes are denied the ability to look further, but Erwin's soft chuckle brings my eyes back to his face.

"You looked tired so I felt I should put you to bed, but now I find I am unable to resist joining you."

Erwin sits down on the bed next to me. "May I join you?"

My deer in headlights game is strong and all I can do is nod my head up and down as I sit back on my heels drinking in his gorgeousness.

Erwin pulls his feet up into the bed, still in his towel, puts his arms behind his head and lays on his back as he closes his eyes.

I sit staring for a moment, then lay on my side facing him and close my eyes. I listen to his breathing and peek at him through low lashes. When it sounds like he is asleep, I slide out of bed imagining myself a Ninja and, taking the top sheet, cover him so he doesn't get cold. I then crawl under the covers and carefully undress, placing my uniform on the floor.

Naked and very nervous, I close my eyes and swear to every god I will never be able to sleep.

 

* * *

 

I wake the next morning to a pleasant weight across my waist and a large soft warmth at my back. Not fully awake, I roll over and moan softly as I curl against it. I nuzzle it's soft areas. It is smooth and reassuring.

I do this for a few minutes until a soft, deep moan caresses my ear and my eyes shoot open as I gasp softly, my back arching towards the warmth in front of me pressing my naked body into it.

That's when I feel a large, masculine hand grab my ass and pull me forward as soft lips bite and kiss my neck. It takes me a few minutes to realize I am naked against Erwin, who somehow, still wrapped in a towel, got under the covers and snuggled up next to me.

Nothing is more sobering than finding a hot man in bed with you first thing in the morning attempting to ravage you.

"Erwin....mmmm.....Erwin are you awake?"

"Ever since you started snuggling up next to me." He says breathily.

"I'm sorry Erwin I didn't mean to. I didn't know it was you."

He kisses my ear. "I didn't give you much choice did I? And I don't plan on giving you much choice now." He pulls off his towel and, pulling me against him, he bites down my neck to the tops of my breasts as he locks me to him with his hand that is still on my ass.

I moan again and again, my nails digging into his chest as his lips begin to brush against my nipple.

"You have invaded my mind since the moment I saw you. You are the most exquisite creature I have seen and you make me feel young and alive. You make me want to devour you and that is exactly what I plan to do."

He didn't ask permission, nor did he need to. I couldn't and wouldn't resist him.

Sitting up, he takes my nipple between his lips and pulls me on top of him. His shaft slips under my wet sex and I tilt my head back ready to take him in.

"Erwin ..... you have no idea .....no idea...."

I look down at him and his eyes spark with passion. I lean down and kiss him deeply, running my hands from the gouges I left on his chest to his cheeks as our tongues penetrate each other.

Erwin runs his hands from my ass to my arms then back down as he kisses me softly but passionately, never over dominating.

My whole body is on fire, filling up with his desire. My legs are now slick from the friction and I slide easily up and down the length of his shaft as he gently guides my hips back and forth, resisting the urge to enter me.

"Erwin...." I whisper against his ear as I run my hands through his hair.

"Rhey..." He says into my neck as he tucks his hands under my ass cheeks so his fingers can lift me and separate my lips in preparation to penetrate me.

"I want you iiiiaaaaahhhhhh!" and then my cries go silent as his entire length slips easily into my dripping sex. He is so large I feel him on all of my walls and so long he hits my spot on the first thrust.

My weight is nothing to him and I am easily 160lbs. He easily lifts me at his own pace up and down as he holds me to his chest, my moans drowning in his kisses.

Tears of pleasure escape the corner of my eyes as I lean my head back, allowing him to take my nipples into his mouth at will.

I let him carry me to my orgasm which is fast approaching. My skin is so sensitive I whimper if he even gently blows on it.

"Erwin....I'm almost ready." I whimper

He deftly moves us so I am on my back. Then he begins going faster and harder as I bite his shoulder hard and tear at his back. I can feel his body begin to tense and I wrap my legs around him allowing him to go even deeper into me.

With one final bite on my neck I feel his release and my body caves, washing us both in each other's orgasm. Tears stream down my eyes and he pulls me against him tightly. I snuggle into his neck as the feeling of vulnerability washes over me.

He strokes my back and my hair until the tears stop. When they do, he pulls back a little and lifts my chin to look at him.

"Did I hurt you?"

With fear, longing and loneliness in my eyes I look at him and say, "The better question is are you going to hurt me? I'm not ok with this being a one time thing Erwin nor will I share you with anyone else."

"I am yours Rhey. I will never betray you. And I want only you."

As he says that he flips me over, slides down my body, spreads my legs and envelopes my clit with his lips, tongue and fingers bringing me to another breath taking climax within minutes.

"Erwin please........Erwin I can't. You have no idea how badly I wanted you . My heart can't handle all of this pleasure."

"I can't help it Rhey I have to have you."

"Please....I'm so happy I can't take anymore. I want you but I can't hold any more if you. My heart is full."

He places his lips in my neck and sucks hard enough to leave a mark. Then travels to the top of my breast and does it again.

"I expect you to wear those proudly and if they start to fade I will have to put them back."

I put my hand on his cheek and my lips to his neck right below his jaw leaving my own mark in a place he can not hide.

"You are a devil and it only makes me want you more."

I purr softly then lay down next to him, snuggling into him as much as I can before drifting off into blissful sleep.

 

* * *

 

I wake up to kisses being rained down my back. I giggle softly and turn to see Erwin showered and halfway dressed next to me.

Pouting I push his shoulder and whined, "you showered without me!"

"You looked so beautiful sleeping I couldn't wake you."

I blush and he kisses my cheek.

"Will you come to breakfast with me?" He asks smiling.

"I'll meet you down there. I need to shower and think of an adequate punishment for you not waiting for me." I push him out of the bed and head into the shower.

 

* * *

 

Last night had been amazing. I hadn't planned on acting on my desire for her, but once I knew how good she felt against me I couldn't resist her.

**_Her body was exactly how I had imagined. Soft in the right places, curved, mailable.......her breasts...._ **

Erwin breathed in deeply, then descended the stairs to the mess hall. It was going to be impossible to stop thinking about her. He didn't even bother trying. Grabbing something to eat and some coffee, he sat down in the quiet hall. It was still a little early for the other cadets to come in.....

"Good Morning Commander!!!!" Hange calls.

"Hange, Eren, Armin, Jean."

"Good Morning Commander." they said in unison.

"What's all this noise first thing already." Levi said as he entered.

"We don't get to see you usually Commander what's the occasion?" Armin asks.

"We are having breakfast before going about the days business." I said which caused all eyes to fall in me and then the entire room to go silent as I entered the room.

 

* * *

 

I knew there would be a chance we would run into people. I also knew Erwin's shirt would cover everything important and if I went down barefoot, I would take everyone by surprise. That is exactly what happened.

I entered the mess wearing just Erwin's oversized shirt unbuttoned so most of my cleavage was visible and the tails just fell a few inches below my ass. My hair was still wet and I had that dewy look on my face.

Walking nonchalantly over to Erwin who tried his damndest not to be affected by the site, I captured everyone's attention. When I got to Erwin I straddled one of his legs and, taking the fork from his hand began eating his breakfast as he stared at me. When I had eaten enough, I polished off his coffee giving a satisfied moan and wiping a finger seductively across my lips to capture the coffee that just happened to linger there .

"Thanks babe." I said as I kissed his lips quickly then sauntered back upstairs to get dressed.

 

* * *

 

For a few seconds the room was silent as everyone but Levi, who pretended to not have even noticed despite having to readjust in his seat a few times, tried to understand what had just happened.

"It would seem my secretary has something she wishes to speak with me about. I would recommend everyone in this room either not bother us for the next few hours or knock knowing if I don't answer you need to come back later unless someone is dying."

Then with as much indifference as he could muster, Erwin headed back to his office."

 

* * *

 

Once I got to the top of the stairs I ran as fast as I could to Erwin's office knowing I had to be completely dressed by the time he got there or I didn't stand a chance.

I quickly opened and shut the office door and had just closed the bedroom door when I heard the office door open and lock, cursing at how fast that man was. I was just able to turn around before he propped me up against the wall. His passion was as strong as his jealousy, as I was soon to find out.

He yanked his shirt off me only to pin my hands easily in one hand against the wall as he yanked down his pants with the other. Once his member was free, he picked me up by my hips and lowered me onto him as he took me against the wall.

"I can't believe you would come downstairs like that when I can't do anything but stare."

I begin to moan as he goes harder and faster.

"And now everyone has seen you the way only I should see you. I don't want their eyes on you thinking they can have you."

I bite my lip.

"Now I have to make you orgasm so loud they can hear how good I make you feel from the mess hall."

Erwin kept his promise. I walked carefully but blissful all the rest of the day, pleasantly sore from the force of his passion as his hands and tongue invading every inch of my body only letting me take him inside when I begged him in exhaustion.

 

* * *

 

Her cries of pleasure were nails on a chalkboard to Levi. After seeing her that first day he knew he had to have her. The way she dismissed him, turning her back on him was ballsey and fucking hot. Just thinking of her and listening to her cries had him rock hard. Erwin didn't deserve her. It should be him in between her legs giving her that pleasure. He would take her from Erwin. Maybe not today, but someday because secretly he knew she wanted him. He had seen it that first day for a split second when he entered the office that first time. That was all he needed to get her underneath him.

 

To Be Continued


	2. Games

I have to admit, adult sex games are fun.  Devious, delicious and fun.  Since that morning in the mess hall, we had done everything in our power to make each other hot and bothered.  It was both exhilarating and highly frustrating.  It turned out Erwin had an AMAZING poker face and I was an all too willing loser. 

 

He loved to call me to meetings as he trained.  He knew how appreciative I was of his body, especially half naked.  He also learned how turned on it made him to make me jealous and vice a versa. 

 

He had quite a fan base now.  One that most definitely rivaled Levi as he "exorcised" his body in ways that begged women to submit to him willingly.  The difference between him and Levi was he was periodically chivalric with his teasing, which drove me even more insane. 

 

One time as he was training with his 3DMG, he plucked a rose from a nearby garden and, after a few daring acrobatics, planted himself vertically in the tree next to me covered in sweat as he held the perfect rose out to me.

 

"For you my lady.  Though it's beauty is pale in comparison to yours."

 

I blushed and told him he got points for his effort but the only roses I would accept in the future were white.  Then I kissed him as I pressed a hand to his bare chest causing numerous glares from his fan base. 

 

I returned that display of affection with a love note he received during his meeting with the other government officials that had a slightly graphic nature.  

 

Have to admit that I enjoyed our relationship.  It was genuine and honest, passionate and lightweight.  I never had to guess with Erwin.  He wore his loyalty to me like a shield. 

 

I loved him for that. 

 

Each morning I would wake up and even if he was dressed he was soon naked making love to me.  He wasn't boring or too old school.  He was also not always gentle with his love.  During bouts of  jealousy, he wound ride me till I was tired and sore.  He was never violent or abusive , just very dominant, which was its own turn on I found.  Especially when he got bashful afterwards.

 

———————————-

 

"I'm sorry Rhey I just don't like when other cadettes flirt with you."  He is sitting at his desk after having ravaged me for the last hour after trying to do paperwork but failing.  I get gingerly out of bed and saunter over to him.  Taking the top corner of his chair, I turn him to face me as he blushed furiously. 

 

I straddle his waist placing his hands on my hips and my lips to his neck.  "Erwin.  Who am I with day in and day out?"

 

"Mmmnnn....me.

 

I bite his neck and then unbutton the top three buttons of his shirt so I can play with his chest.  "And where else could I possibly want to be?  I doubt any other male on this base could handle me the way you do."

 

"Mnnnnn Rhey...."

 

A knock comes at the door and Erwin tenses as I smile mischievously. 

 

Before he can answer, I slide underneath his desk and begin undoing is pants as the knock comes again. 

 

He moans softly in despair.  "Come in."

 

I gently grab his length and begin caressing it gently.

 

"Here are the papers you requested.  I would hand them to your stray, but it seems she isn't here." Levi says.  

 

I take the entire length of Erwin into my mouth in one shot causing him to make a guttural sound in his throat as he carefully rolls the chair forward. 

 

"I had..... more pressing matters for her to attend to."

 

Levi raises an eyebrow but says nothing.

 

I begin slowly sliding up and down his rapidly engorging manhood.

 

"Have you thought about having her trained on the 3DMG?  I realize she isn't a scout, but if her analytical skills are as good as you say, she could be an asset in the field." Levi says with his usual lack of emotion. 

 

I suck on him harder for a stroke as I run my tongue down his length causing him to shift slightly in his seat. 

 

"I have considered it.She definitely has shown a deftness...."

 

I play and nibble on the bulb of his shaft treating it like a sucker. 

 

".....for field tactics and seems to have innate leadership skills. I agree she would be an asset to the team." 

 

I run my hands up and down his inner thighs as I pump back and forth on his shaft. 

 

He puts his hand under the desk and I remove my lips from his throbbing member to suck on his fingers as my hand begins to caress where my mouth was. 

 

"Just tell her she better not expect special treatment."

 

I abruptly stop and give a Wtf really face that no one can see.

 

"I'm sure she doesn't expect any."Erwin says as he quickly signs the documents duringmy lack of focus."If there is nothing else you are dismissed."

 

Levi turns and leaves.

 

When the door closes, Erwin lies back in his chair moving back a little so I have more room, inviting me to continue. 

 

I get up on my knees and blow him some more, going faster and faster as his hands tangle in my hair. 

 

"Mmmnnn Rhey."

 

I moan against his shaft sending shivers down his body. 

 

"The things you do to me."He sits up, pulls me up and then flips me over pushing me down gently against his desk before entering me from behind. 

 

The force of his thrusts are enough to push the desk a good 6" forward before he releases inside of me. 

 

When his orgasm finishes, he picks me up and takes me to the shower where he joins me after removing all his clothing.He turns the water on and then lifts me up on his shoulder so he can eat me out against the wall of the shower as the hot water washes our love off our bodies. 

 

—————————-

 

The next morning I find myself face to face with Napoleon himself as I begin my cadette training. 

 

"All you shits for brains better pull your lives together or you will be cleaning every second you aren't running!"

 

He really isn't that intimidating in person when you know his back story.I mean yeah he could kill me before I drew breath, but I just want to squeeze him he is so cute!

 

"Is there something funny cadette?"

 

"Not funny per say, but you are an incredibly cute ball of hate right now and I just want to squeeze the crap out of you Captain." I say with my most pleasant smile as he blushes.

 

"Please don't put your filthy hands on me." He tries to say with a straight, blank face but fails.I smile and wink at him for fun. 

 

——————————

At lunch I get bombarded for daring to compliment the Captain. 

 

"I can't believe you called shorty cute in front of everyone!" Hanji said all cutesy. 

 

"Well he was all stone faced and irate like some angry hedgehog."I said. 

 

"Speaking of his face, did you see how red it got!"Hanji laughed. 

 

"Tsk.Keep talking about things you don't know Hanji and I'll kill your experiments."

 

"Awwwww there it is again!" I coo at him."Wook at how angwy he gets!You know it wouldn't kill you to show some emotion Captain."I smile at him. 

 

You can see how visibly hard it is for him to deal with my comments when he can't punish me for them.I smirk at him and the room erupts

in laughter. 

 

"All of you idiots just earned a week of cleaning! Keep laughing and we can double it." 

 

"Awwww no fair Captain we didn't say anything!" Eren whined earnings himself bathroom duty.

 

I looked straight at him and said, "He just doesn't like older women giving him a hard time.He can't punish them like he does his little cadettes."

 

"YOUR OLDERTHAN SHORTY!!!!!" Jean asks in shock.  "How old are you Rhey?"

 

Everyone looks at me intently."You know it isn't polite to ask a lady her age." I say jokingly.

 

"I don't see any ladies."Levi adds.

 

"You wouldn't know a lady if she sat on your face Captain."I said drawing shocked eyes from everyone and a raised eyebrow from Levi."If you must know I'm 36." 

 

"No fucking way!"Jean shouts in surprise."You look amazing!" 

 

I blush and turn my head away, but not before I see Levi's shocked expression. 

 

"Thank you Jean.It's true.I think I've aged rather well."

 

"I would have to agree with you." Erwin's voice resounds and I visibly melt at the affection I hear in his words."Your body is an absolute temple.....". He walks over to me. "..... that deserves to be worshipped daily." He stops in front of me and I can feel myself turning into a puddle on the floor.

 

Erwin smiled and leans down to my ear to whisper, "one I intend to pay homage to and then violate daily." 

 

I bite my lip and give a soft moan into his ear before he rises and holds out his hand."Are you finished my dear?We have several things we need to attend to."

 

I nod and follow him as the squad whispers amongst themselves and Levi gives a death glare to Erwin that no one seems to notice.

 

To be continued........


	3. Tease

Watching them made him sick with jealousy.  Erwin always had a way with women.  He was tolerant, polite, charming......all the things Levi wasn't and it hadn't bothered him until now.  There had been no time for relationships and he didn't have the stomach for them.  They meant feelings and feelings weren't his thing.  Well....he didn't want them to be his thing.  Sadly, the exact opposite was true.  He felt everything so intensely that it kept him awake at night.  He took every death as a personal failure while looking like it was just another sacrifice of war on the outside. 

 

It wasn't until he saw Rhey that he realized he craved the things she gave Erwin.  Her understanding ear, her gentle touch, her sharp personality,  her vulnerability, her sensuality.  He wanted her to look at him with that look.....the one that showed she was putting all her walls down and relying on him to catch her and support her. 

 

Levi knew everyone relied on him and trusted him, but no one gave themselves heart body and soul to him to protect, to love.  No one needed him that much. 

 

"Tsk.  Fucking eyebrows."  He mumbled as he finished his tea before leaving the mess hall for his office. 

 

Once he got there, he found himself assaulted with the very presence he was trying to dismiss.  Her back was to him as she concentrated on something in front of her.  It would be so easy to pin her up against that desk and have his way with her, but that wasn't entirely how he wanted it.  He wanted to make her feel for him what she felt for Erwin. 

 

He couldn't help himself though.  Slowly he walked up behind Rhey and said in her ear. "What the fuck are you doing in my office?"

 

He felt the shiver run down her body as a gasp got stuck in her throat.  She turned around quickly and his face was there, their lips millimeters apart.  He put his hands on either side of his desk causing her to lean back as he leaned in. 

 

Then she smiled mischievously.  Her lips were so inviting and the way they curled up seductively.....it took all of his will not to succumb. 

 

"Well aren't you a devil sneaking up on me."  I lifted a finger to his lips and traced over the bottom one slowly.  "And aren't you a little close for your own comfort?  I know how much you HATE being touched."

 

Not by you I don't.  Levi's mind raged.

 

I slid down the desk parting my legs so they passed on either side of his as I slunk out of his attempt to dominate me.  Once my ass touched the heel of my boots, I ducked under his arm and stood up. 

 

"If you want to get me against that desk you are gonna have to try harder and use a little more force next time Captain." 

 

As I walk past him I run a finger slowly down his back.  When I get to his lower back I use four fingers to push him against his desk before coming up behind him, pressing my hips into him, my breasts against his back and rest my hands on the desk as the roles reverse. 

 

I relish the small grunt he gives as I lean him into the desk and push my hips into his.  Being 5'6" I have a slight advantage over him as my body takes up more of his when pressed together. 

 

The interaction only lasts an instant before I step back and turn towards the door.  "Those papers are for you.  Erwin also needs to see you when you are free." I smile and walk out the door.

 

————————————

 

His body felt as amazing as I had thought it would.  I place a hand on my stomach re-envisioning the feel of him against me.  In terms of mass he doesn't hold a candle to Erwin whose breadth and musculature is breathtaking from all angles, but Levi has that lean muscle emo look with those dark eyes and angsty attitude.  I sigh in dismay.  So bad for me. Soooooooo fucking bad for me and it would feel sooooooo fucking good.

 

I return to Erwin's office before the flush on my face subsides.  When I enter, Erwin is behind his desk as he looks at me and says, "By the look on your face you have something on your mind." 

 

My eyes see the predatory jealousy in Erwin rise like a caged animal waiting for release and my arousal increases.

 

"Levi got a little sassy so I had to put him in his place."

 

I saunter up to him pushing his chair back so I can lean against the desk in front of him. 

 

"It made me think of you as I walked back, that's all."

 

Erwin rose from his chair and kissed me as he pressed his body against mine as I grabbed onto his shirt letting him completely support me if he chose. 

 

Erwin entangled the finger is one hand in my hair as he tilted my head to the side and kissed my ear.

 

"I told Levi you wanted to see him.  He should be here any minute."

 

"Good.  Let him come."

 

"You are so possessive my dear.  Yet I find it such a turn on."

 

He bites my neck gently causing me to give a sharp intake of breath.

 

Erwin takes his free hand and untucks my shirt before running his hand briefly up and down my back.

 

A knock comes at the door.

 

One hand in my hair tilting my head gently as the other is planted on the desk as he pressed his body into mine Erwin smiles against my neck. 

 

"Come in."

 

——————————— Flashback

 

She smells like mint, water Lilly and amber and her eyes.....were they always this beautiful? 

 

Rhey was so close to me now that when she turned around my body was subtly shaking. 

 

I want to kiss her.  She's so close....

 

  "And aren't you a little close for your own comfort?  I know how much you HATE being touched." She says.

 

I want to bite her finger.  It tastes salty on my lip.  I want to make it wet and have it travel over my body.....wait.....where is she.....

 

My eyes close as her finger runs down my back and then grunt as her body pushes me against the desk. 

 

She's so soft and supple.  Turn around idiot and wrap her around you.  Take her here and now.

 

"If you want to get me against that desk you are gonna have to try harder and use a little more force next time Captain." She says seductively and I dig my fingers into the desk.

 

I'll show your tight little ass hard you cocky bitch.

 

Before I turn around, her body is gone and as I turn I see her retreating form telling me Erwin wants me. 

 

She better be ready for me.  As soon as I get a chance her ass is mine.

 

I take a moment to compose myself before walking to Erwin's door. 

 

I knock.

 

"Come in."

 

His voice is deep like thunder.  I can't tell if he is angry but I'm prepared for anything.....except what I saw.

 

He had her submissive against the desk, her neck exposed to his ministrations and his eyes....he looked at me like a predator with a fresh kill.  The intensity was overwhelming. 

 

I was caught off guard and allowed my surprise mixed with a little jealousy to show. 

 

She isn't like this with me.  What does he have that makes her so submissive?

 

"Tsk."

 

"Ah Levi.  I need your assistance with something."  Erwin gently releases Rhey and moves to lean against the front of his desk.  Having been separated from Erwin, Rhey fixes her hair before turning and sitting in the chair Erwin just vacated, half disheveled. 

 

You knew I was fucking coming you bastard.  You just wanted to rub it in my face.  You just wait.  She won't stay yours.  She wants me and you can't control that.

 

"I have to go out on a scouting mission.  I am leaving you in charge of the cadettes while Hanji takes over my office duties.  I think Rhey will be a big help to her and I want to make sure she is in capable hands."

 

"Tsk." You are gonna pay for that insult you craven ass.

 

"I should only be gone 2 - 3 days.  Make sure Hanji doesn't go crazy while I'm out."

 

"Shitty glasses can handle things without my help.  I'll just keep her away from testing on the cadettes."  I say with as much composure as I can muster.

 

"As long as I dont have a ton of paperwork regarding injuries at base when I get back.  Erwin casts his eyes aside at his room for a second.  "That is all, you are dismissed."

 

I turn and leave, getting a final glance at Rhey while Erwins eyes are elsewhere before leaving.  Her eyes are hungry as she looks at me.  She has the nail of her index finger seductively held in the corner of her mouth, her head tilted slightly to the side and her legs are crossed. 

 

I raise and eyebrow at her and she smirks.

 

I keep my face blank as I turn and leave. 

 

—————————————

 

To be continued................


	4. Alone

I tear my eyes away from the sight of that tight little ass leaving and pout at Erwin.

 

"So, you are leaving me in Hanji's care?What if I die of boredom before you get back?I really can only take her in small doses.She has way too much enthusiasm for me."

 

"I have to make sure you will be taken care of and, though I trust Levi with my life and the well being of everyone in HQ, I cannot trust him with you.I can't trust ANY man with you.If I could bring you with me I would but I can't be distracted while I'm out there.It's going to be bad enough knowing you’re here without me."

 

He stays leaning against his desk but crosses his arms across his chest, not turning to look at me.I can hear the fear and anger in his voice.

 

I get up from the chair and move so I stand in front of him.I take his face in my hands and pull him into a deep kiss.

 

"Erwin talk to me.Your upset.What's the matter."

 

I search his eyes with concern but he remains silent.I bite my lower lip and rest my head on his chest.

 

"He can't have you Rhey.No one can, but especially not him.Not unless I'm dead." 

 

—————————————————-

Listen to : On My Own FT. Nevve by 3LAU as this scene plays out

————————————————

 

The image of Erwin's death slams into my mind.What am I doing.....If this ARC continues, he will die and what does that leave me with?

 

I hug him tightly."Erwin please.....don't talk like that.You can't die.Not until we are old and the world isn't such a damn mess." 

 

It was a lie......but what if it wasn't?I still had no idea how I was getting home.Did I even want to go home?If Erwin died would I go?Would I go if he didn't?

 

I wasn't ready for the hard questions yet. 

 

I grabbed for him again but this time my kisses were frenzied.I began undressing him as I pulled him into the bedroom.

 

"Rhey....mmmmmm Rhey ahhhhh."

 

I bit his lips a little hard."Just shut up and come with me."

 

I had his entire upper body naked by the time we were in the bedroom.

 

When the backs of my legs hit the bed, I turned us around and pushed him down on his back before stripping the rest of my clothes off in a rush and climbing up next to him. 

 

I grabbed the straps of his body harness and began unbuckling them with my teeth as he dug his hands into the sheets.When the straps were all undone, I pulled them off and grabbed the clasps of his pants and undid those with my teeth as well pulling them and his boxers down in one swift motion of my hands.

 

I didn't want to think of him dying, about what my moral obligation in that moment would be.He was everything I imagined and I didn't want to lose that.It was selfish but I was falling in love with him and couldn't help it. 

 

I mounted him quickly and rode him hard as I placed his hands on my breasts.He tried to get up and take charge several times and each time I bit him hard on the neck or chest telling him to lie the fuck down so I could take him. 

 

When I could feel I was close I clamped onto his hips with my knees and grabbing the headboard, I rode him hard and fast to climax. My back arched, my nails bit into the flesh of his chest, tears tore from the corners of my eyes and I screamed his name in ecstasy and anguish not realizing I would be so affected. 

 

When the waves of pleasure passed, I fell on his chest and buried my face in his neck. 

 

"Erwin please.....please don't talk like that.I need you."

 

He sat up with me still pressed against his chest."My fierce little kitten.....I'm sorry.This is just a routine run.I'll be back in no time."

 

I was so vulnerable.I bit his neck gently, then sat up and kissed him as I ran my fingers in his hair and he ran his down my back. 

 

"Erwin........"

 

"I promise.......as soon as I can."

 

I kissed him deeply.Trying to imprint myself on him.Neither of us had admitted to loving the other, and I was suddenly afraid that this wasn't the same for him, that these emotions weren't his.I searched his face begging for a sign, but none came.

 

After a few moments of enjoying each others touch and closeness, Erwin got up with me still in his arms and carried me into the shower.Gently placing me down, we washed each other gently kissing each others lips, necks, shoulders, and chests intimately but not sexually. 

 

When we were clean, we dried off and got dressed. 

 

Erwin looked in my eyes and ran the fingers of one hand through my hair."You are so incredibly beautiful." 

 

I blushed furiously. 

 

"Everything about you.....your looks, your passion, your sense of self....everything.You drive me insane.I would be crazy not to want to do everything in my power to come back to you just to drink of your essence one more day."

 

He places his hand on my cheek and I covered it with mine.

 

"I'll be very angry if you don't keep that promise." I say weakly.

 

He smiles."Goodbye kitten.I'll see you soon."He kisses my forehead and then leaves. 

 

I can't go back. I don't want to come back from this.I want him with me forever. 

 

I stare at the door to his office a while longer before taking a deep breath and walking out myself. 

 

I can't stay here missing him.I have to find a way to keep him and my sanity. 

 

——————————————-

 

With every step he took from his office, Erwin felt the heat of her leave his body.  The loss of her was profound.  He also hadn't expected her to be that affected by him leaving.  Her raw passion when she took him had been breathtaking in its ferocity. 

 

He touched his chest feeling the reassuring sting of his shirt against her claw marks.  They would be a reminder as he was out past the wall of the life he wanted to preserve.  He had spent his life battling his feelings about fulfilling his dream and taking responsibility for the lives he carried with him now that he was Commander.  Rhey embodied both for him. Though he could not explain her existence, it proved that people existed outside of the walls with lives that were profoundly different.  If there were people existing outside of the walls then the history they knew could not be true.  He also knew that his feelings for her and his need to take her into his life meant that there could be a life beyond this one and he could lead the people to it. 

 

Now all he had to do was put a plan in motion to get everyone to that same reality. 

 

He touched his lips remembering the last kiss they shared. 

 

I will come back to her. 

 

————————————————-

 

I didn't bother to knock when I got to Levi's door I just pushed it open and walked aggressively to his desk where I slammed my hand down on the papers he was looking at.  Slightly out of breath with passion in my eyes I met his steely gaze and said "Levi I need you RIGHT NOW!"

 

My face was unnecessarily close to his and my breathing was slightly heavy so I can see where he misconstrued my intentions. 

 

I watched as his gaze went from severely annoyed to smoldering with passion at my statement.

 

"So the minute Erwin leaves you come panting to me to take you.  Shall we see if I can make you scream louder?"

 

I look at his face all attempting to be sultry with that smirk but I crack and bust out laughing in his face.

 

"Tsk.  What's so goddamn funny!  You're the one who came in and propositioned me!" 

 

"I'm sorry...." I stop laughing "if I had thought you would respond like that I would have rephrased my statement." 

 

He looks back at his papers.  "I'm busy go find someone else."

 

I saunter up to his desk and lean against it pushing my breasts together.  "But I do need you.  I need those incredibly talented hands of yours to help me with a little problem I have."

 

"Tsk.  I don't have times for games Stray."  He stands and begins cleaning turning his back to me and I suppress a laugh imagining why he can't turn around. 

 

"But Captain."  I say breathily "you are soooooo good with your hands.  Please Levi.....I need you."

 

He turns and gives me the most delicious death glare  and I bite my lower lip.

 

"Tsk. You are a fucking piece of work you know that you damn filthy Stray."  He says as he turns and continues cleaning.

 

I smirk and then smack his ass as hard as I can making him grunt again.

 

"If you change your mind I'll be down in the kitchen."

 

I turn and walk out smiling like an idiot because toying with him is so damn fun and easy.

 

————————————-

 

Several minutes pass before Levi comes down and sees me covered in flour and various other ingredients. 

 

"What the hell do you think you are doing  Stray?  This place is a fucking mess."

 

I smirk at him.  "So was your face up stairs a minute ago."

 

"Tsk.  If you are going to behave like that you can do this your damn self." 

 

I pout and Levi rolls his eyes then walks over to me.  I wait til he gets next to me then I turn and kiss the side of his lip getting flour all over the side of his face.  "Thank you for coming.  I appreciate the help."  I continue mixing what is in my bowl as he stands there dumbstruck for a minute. 

 

"Well are you gonna help?  Here is the recipe." I move the book towards him.  "Can you do this one while I finish this one?"

 

He looks at me as he touches the side of his face where I had kissed him.  Then looks at the book, tracing his finger along the text as he reads the instructions. 

 

His hands are so delicate.  I begin to imagine how delicate they would be on my skin, like butterfly wings as they traced intricate patterns over my body.    I grip the bowl tighter and focus on mixing trying to keep heat from my face. 

 

Without a word, he puts on an apron and begins.  I'm not sure how we managed to work around each other so well.  It was like we anticipated each others moves. 

 

—————————————————-

Listen to : Illegal Ft. Katelyn Traver / Fareoh

————————————————

 

Getting caught up in my emotions I begin to sing softly (the song above)

 

Crashing, taking me under

Can't help but wonder

Why I buy the lies you sell

Take me higher

Faster and louder

Losing all my power

I don't even know myself

 

[Pre-Chorus]

The more I get, the more I want

The more I know, the more I don't

The night is young and love is blind

And I've already closed my eyes

 

[Chorus]

I don't wanna need you

But here I am, right at your door

It feels so illegal

I wonder why my heart wants more

Of your loving, hey!

 

[Verse 2]

Madness, tell them I've gone wild

No looking back now

Sold out, I don't care at all

It's the moonlight

Fast cars and dark nights

Got me feeling so right

So nice, we could have it all

 

Post-Chorus]

So give me more

More of your love

Can't get enough

'Nough of your love

So give me more

More of your love

Can't get enough

'Nough of your love

 

"You know for a Stray your voice isn't awful."

 

I blush.  "Sorry I just got caught up in my emotions for a second."

 

"Don't apologize idiot unless you have something you should actually be sorry for." 

 

I smile and then go back to working.  "It looks like we are almost done.  I can handle the rest if you want to clean up and go back to work."

 

"You know you never told me anything regarding why we are baking."  He gives me that deadpan stare. 

 

"Erwin is fine and doesn't need me so I am going to go to orphanages and give out some of this to the kids.  Since helping Erwin, I know where we have excess food and supplies.  If I use the excess ingredients then it shouldn't create any shortages and I can do something good for the city."

 

Levi raises his eyebrow.

 

"Don't give me that look.  I didn't ask you to come just to help me make things.  Your part is done."  I turn back to the oven and pull out the food then place it to cool on the table. 

 

I notice Levi is still staring, which is making me nervous so I casually walk over to the counter where I kneaded the bread and scooped up the excess flower acting like I was going to throw it away. 

 

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it isn't polite to stare?"

 

"Tsk.  I'm just wondering how you intend to clean this mess and still make it to your destination."

 

"Well I figured I would do something like this."  Then I walked over and dumped the flour on his head. 

 

The look he gave me was pure devious hatred.  I squealed and then ran to grab a mop to defend myself while he was still stunned. 

 

"You think that is going to help you?"  He growled then ran after me. 

 

I was able to fend him off for a few seconds, but in the end he grabbed the mop in his hand and pulled me forward into him.  As soon as I impacted with his chest, he spun me around so my back was against the counter and his arms blocked me on both sides from escaping.

 

"You made me filthy Stray.  What do you plan to do about it?"

 

"I told you to go take a shower.  I'm not obligated to do anything, especially if you don't listen." 

 

"What if I want you to do something about it?" 

 

I smirk at him.  His lips are so close to mine and I can see he is turned on by the look in his eyes.  "Then I would tell you I am sorry to disappoint you."  I reach a finger up and trace his lower lip with it.

 

"Tsk.  Wretched Stray."

 

"Filthy old man." 

 

I reach a finger down and slide it along his inner thigh.  I watch his eyes close as his breathing catches.  Then I once again slip out from his attempt to pin me down, take my apron off and walk to the stairs. 

 

"Go clean yourself up.  I might need you later."  I look at him over my shoulder and wink at him before heading to my room to clean up.

 

To be continued ..........


	5. Kiss and Tell

The days without Erwin were uneventful after that.  I spent most of my time helping Hanji with her experiments so I didn't run into the angry hedgehog. 

 

After the incident in the kitchen there was no denying there were VERY dangerous feelings of attraction between Levi and I.  The frustrating part was that I didn't want to ignore the feelings or deny them, but I knew nothing about them was healthy.  There was no way he loved me or could love me like Erwin so I crammed them into a corner of my heart and kept myself busy.

 

"You've been a huge help these past few days Rhey!  I appreciate you taking care of all the paperwork, just giving me the things I need to sign immediately while Erwin is gone instead of me trying to figure it out and do my research."

 

"No problem Hanji.  It kept me busy and out of your hair as well.  By the way has anyone even heard anything about Erwin's expedition?"

 

"Well no messengers have come back so I would guess nothing terrible happened."

 

I sigh at Hanji.  "That's not really reassuring."

 

"Well if your 3DMG skills stay as intolerable as your whining you won't be able to go help him next time."

 

I cringe at the sound of the voice I have been trying to avoid hearing.   "Hello Captain."  I put on a fake smile.  "Hanji I'm gonna go take these back to Erwin's office and make sure everything is ready for him to pick back up where he left off." 

 

"Byyeeee Rhey!  Hey shorty come over here and help me with this experiment."

 

"Go die Shitty Glasses I'm not interested in your toys."

 

I walk quickly back to Erwin's office but only make it half way there before I am pulled into a dark corridor of HQ and pressed against a wall.

 

"I won't let you escape this time Siren.  You have been avoiding me you shitty Stray.  I want to know why."

 

"You know you really would get more answers if you were polite like Erwin."  I smile seductively "One kind word and I'm happy to drop my pants and tell him anything he wants to know."

 

"Is that so?" Levi sneers.

 

"Your too filthy in both your heads to get that kind of response from me.  That act of kindness was clearly a fluke when you helped me with my request.  You pinning me against the table proves it.  If you had really wanted anything descent you would have seduced me then instead of forcing yourself on me."

 

My voice was full of challenge.  He brought out the worst in me. 

 

"So if I had been gentler with you, you would succumb to me then?"

 

"Probably not.  You aren't the man Erwin is."  I was on dangerous territory now and the train was running full force on a collision course for disaster.

 

The anger in his eyes could have cut a diamond in half.  I wasn't backing down now though.  I wouldn't show fear. 

 

"Tsk.  I wouldn't waste energy on seducing you Stray.  I don't want a submissive lapdog."

 

That hurt more than it should have.  "Submissive lapdog?"  I look at him in shock.  "Riiiight.  We are done here Captain.  You can get the fuck off me now.  I'm no ones bitch."  I push his chest but he doesn't budge.

 

"I said get the fuck off Levi." 

 

He smirks.  "You're the one whose been teasing me Stray.  Payback is a bitch."

 

"Well this isn't fun anymore Levi.  Now you are just a cocky, arrogant prick and I hate those."

 

I push his arm and it drops to his side as I  step out from the alcove.  I walk a few feet and turn to face him.  He is looking at me with that stoneface of his.

 

"You know if you really want to pursue a woman you have to be willing to understand her emotions and give her yours as well.  No one likes to just be used for a good time."

 

I turn and walk a few more feet when he grabs my arm, spins me around, pulls me against him supporting my back with one hand as his other rests on the back of my head and he pulls me in for a kiss.

 

I freeze for a second and then place a hand on his cheek as the other runs through his hair.  Before he pulls away he bites my lip and then releases me.  When I stare into his eyes, I show more passion then intended as does he. 

 

"If I render you speechless then you won't sing for me again.  Maybe I should take that kiss back."

 

Without thinking, I take a step back. 

 

"Tsk.  Do you get it now Stray?"

 

"The only thing I get is that you kissed me.  That's child's play.  Kisses show intent, but a man is judged by his actions.  I guess I have to wait and see if you become a man or stay a boy stealing kisses." 

 

I stare at him a moment longer, then turn and head towards Erwin's office.

 

—————————————————

 

Her soft, quick kiss had caught him off guard for the second time that day.    It had made him want to hold her but she moved away too quickly.  Then she had started singing. 

 

He didn't know the song, it didn't really matter.  Her voice calmed his nerves though so he listened quietly feeling himself relax....at least until he listened to the  lyrics. 

 

Is she singing a confession?

 

He didn't dare ask.  He didn't want the moment to stop.  Then she had gotten sassy with him and he had ended up covered in flower. 

 

Now he was standing face to back as she walked away with another shitty little comment she thought was so cute after he had kissed her, showing her a small part of his feelings that he himself didn't really understand.

 

The only thing he knew was that he wasn't letting her go. 

 

———————————————

 

When I got back to Erwin's office I hesitated to open it.  I stood there for a moment straining to hear any sound that would signal he was back, but heard nothing. 

 

I sighed and entered the room. 

 

I hated how quiet it was.  I hated how being here alone made me feel.  I placed the pages in my hand on the desk and then went to the bedroom to change into one of his shirts. 

 

Wearing his shirt and nothing else,  I sat on his desk and looked out his double window onto the training grounds.  I missed him and as the feelings of sadness grew stronger I began to sing to try to ease the pain

 

——————————————

Listen to : Miracles Ft. Bjørnskov - Martin Jensen

——————————-

 

Miracles

I see miracles

There's a fire burning deep within your eyes

Searching for, something beautiful

Now I see that you're my angel in the night

You

Yeah I've been waiting here for you to take me higher

Higher

 

You

Yeah I've been waiting here for you to take me higher

Higher

Whenever the lights are burning low

Whenever the nights are turning cold

You are the one who takes me home

 

Feel like you brought me back to life

and know that my heart will be alright

When I breath your love

I breath your love

 

Yeah

When I breath your love

When I breath your love

When i breath your love

Magical

It's so magical

I see it written in the stars upon the sky

 

Powerful

Feel so powerful

When we touch I get this feeling deep inside

You

Yeah I've been waiting here for you to take me higher

 

Higher

You

Yeah I've been waiting here for you to take me higher

 

Whenever the lights are burning low

Whenever the nights are turning cold

You are the one who takes me home

Feel like you brought me back to life

and know that my heart will be alright

When I breath your love

I breath your love

Yeah

When I breath your love

When I breath your love

When I breath your love

When I breath your love

I breath your love

 

As I finish, a tear falls down my cheek.  "Come back to me love.  I miss you."  I whisper to the empty room. 

 

"If I didn't miss you so much kitten I would stand here and watch  you until the world ends."

 

I turn to see Erwin standing in the doorway.  My eyes go wide and I jump off his desk running towards him and launching myself full force into his arms. 

 

He laughs at my childish behavior as I wrap my legs around him forgetting about my state of dress.  When he places a hand under my upper thigh to support me, he moans into my kiss as he realizes I am naked except for his shirt. 

 

"If I can come back every day to this kind of a welcome I will leave more often."  He kids as I pull back and pout at him. 

 

"I was terrified you weren't coming back.  You said three days and it was almost four!"  I whined. 

 

"I apologize.  It was a hard ride back.  We ran into titans half way home and it took longer to dispatch them then I would have liked."

 

Suddenly all I felt was fear.  I wiggled out of his arms and began rapidly undressing him, running my hands deftly over his body looking for any injuries and sighing in relief when I found none. 

 

With the fear gone, however, I found myself face to face and fully aware of the gorgeously naked man in front of me. 

 

I'm not sure why I blushed but I took his hand and kissed his palm.  "I'm so glad you are home.  Go take a shower, do you need something to eat?"  I was ridiculously nervous for no reason. 

 

"All I want Rhey is you, though I should take a shower."

 

"Go then.  I'll go get something to eat because I know  you haven't eaten anything descent in 3 days.  I won't take long."  I run into our room and pull on my pants, still in his shirt before pushing him into the bathroom and leaving for the kitchen. 

 

———————————-

 

I was glad I had managed to save some of the things I baked from my trip to the orphanages. I still had a few pumpkin muffins and pieces of pie so I set them on the table then made two sandwiches, put them in a basket and turned to leave when I found myself face to face with Levi. 

 

"I should have known it was a Stray in the kitchen making all that noise."  He glanced around my shoulder.  "Some of that looks like leftovers from the things we baked.  You know I never did get to try any of your muffins.  They seemed to be gone before I got one.  May I have one now if you have one to spare?"  Smirking at me, he reaches behind me and takes the last muffin letting his hand casually graze mine in the process. 

 

I roll my eyes at him and pack the last few things in the basket before I turn to leave.  He backs up so I can get past him, never taking his eyes off me even when he bites into the muffin. 

 

I walk past him and say "goodnight Captain."

 

"Goodnight Stray.  It's nice to know your cooking won't kill people, unlike your terrible combat skills.  I look forward to you coming back to training so I can see you in action."

 

I give him a sharp look as he seductively leans against the counter eating my muffin.

 

"You filthy old man.  Just know that's the only time you get to eat my muffin.  Enjoy it while you can."

 

Then I turn to head back to Erwin as I hear Levi exaggerate sucking his fingers clean.

 

A shiver runs down my back and I try to ignore  how turned on that made me.

 

—————————————-

 

When I get back, Erwin is just coming out of the shower.  I set the basket down on the bed and wait for him to come sit down. 

 

"That smells good.  What do you have in there?"

 

"I made us two sandwiches and then included one of the muffins I made and a piece of pie that Levi made when I asked him to help me bake.  After you left I felt lonely and, since you have me help you with ordering and maintains supply records, I knew what we had in excess.  I decided to use those items to make food for some of the orphanages in the area.  It was an ambitious idea so I appropriated Levi.  I purposefully hid some so I could  give you some when you got back."

 

Erwin smiles, hiding the pang of jealousy he felt hearing Rhey did something intimate with Levi.  "It's been a while since Levi cooked anything.  You must have had something good on him if he complied."

 

"I just told him I needed his help because he was supposedly good with his hands.  He didn't buy it at first but seemed interested when I told him to meet me in the kitchen." 

 

Erwin laughed.  "I'm surprised he didn't drive you crazy.  He is such a perfectionist."

 

"Not that time.  We stayed pretty much out of each others way doing our own tasks." 

 

"Well I'm glad you managed without me."

 

I looked at him sad.  "All I did was keep myself busy.  I helped Hanji with paperwork most of the time so she could focus on her experiments.  All of the papers are on your desk organized by importance." 

 

Erwin sighed and then broke off a piece of the muffin putting it in his mouth.  Within seconds a satisfied moan escaped his lips.  "Rhey this is really good.  You make me want to have you make me breakfast every morning."

 

I blush.  "I could do that without issue, but it would require you to let me get some more sleep."  

 

"Mmmmmnnnn that's a tough choice.  I'll have to think on it." 

 

They eat the rest of  the food in silence  except for a few compliments Erwin gave her on her cooking. 

 

Once the food was eaten and the bed cleared, Erwin laid down on his back and motioned for me to come towards him.  I walked to the bed and then crawled up next to him. 

 

"I can't even tell you how much I missed you.  Every step I took from my office felt like I was losing the feel of your body.  It was excruciatingly painful to be away from you."

 

He pulled me down against him as I blushed furiously. 

 

"Erwin......"

 

"I need you Rhey.  I need to feel your heat, your passion again." 

 

He gently laid me on my back as he kissed my lips down to my sex.  When he reached my mound, he began kissing up and down my inner thighs as he used three fingers to penetrate me.  

 

I moaned, my body ached for him. 

 

He took his time, savoring my moans and whimpers as my body begged for his touch.  He brought me close to climax over and over again, each time denying me as his hands and tongue would wander somewhere else.  It was delicious and infuriating. 

 

When he had had his fill,he laid down on my chest."I hope you won't leave me again any time soon."

 

"I couldn't my dear.I don't know if I have the heart to leave without you again." 

 

I smile.There is no place in the world I would rather be.I run my hands through his hair , close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

 

To be continued..........


	6. Not Like This *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I may do at least one ARC from this scene.  I'm not sure this is 100 % how I want things to go from this point on.  I want a loving relationship from Erwin but I also don't.  I asterisked it to make it easy to come back to in case I do start another ending.

I woke the next morning chilled.  Not wanting to open my eyes, I pulled the covers higher up my body and realized something was missing.  The covers fell evenly on both side of my body instead of just one. My eyes shot open and I quickly rolled to my side.  

 

Erwin wasn't there.

 

My mind raced as I tried to recall last night.  Was it a dream?  It couldn't be.....

 

I flung myself out of bed, threw a shirt on and ran into his office.

 

"Good morning kitten.  Did you sleep well?"  He was sitting at his desk working quietly.

 

I collapsed on the floor wiping tears from my eyes.  "Yes.  Yes I did you big idiot.  You just gave me a heart attack though.  I thought last night was a dream when I woke and you weren't there."

 

I picked myself up and walked over to him.  He turned towards me and parted his legs letting me slip in between them.  I placed my hands on his chest and leaned down to kiss him as he took his off the table and ran then up my thighs, my ass, my back.  I leaned farther into him letting his hands support me. 

 

"Erwin.....I missed you so much.  So very much."

 

"I'm sorry my dear.  You know you really did an excellent job holding down my office while I was gone.  I think you even did a better job than Levi does."

 

I laugh.  "I'll make sure to tell him that the next time he gives me another shitty comment."

 

I sigh and pull out of Erwin's arms, the mood dampened by that filthy little hobbit.  "Speaking of princess sparkle pants, I've been informed my combat skills are so dreadful that I will get people killed so I need to get dressed and shove his shitty little opinion up his ass." 

 

Erwin frowns at my sudden bitterness.  "Maybe I can provide an incentive.  For every compliment he gives you on your skill, I will do any one thing you want." 

 

I turn to him.  "He doesn't compliment anyone.  That's impossible."  I frown.

 

"Somehow kitten I think if anyone can do it, it will be you."

 

I sigh in exasperation, get dressed for training, kiss Erwin goodbye, and head to the smallest version of hell I could possibly willingly send myself to. 

 

———————————————

 

An hour in I had already come up with 10 ways I wanted to try to kill him.  Not all were creative, but I meant every single one.  The easiest was poisoning his food.  The hardest was tampering with his gear during an attack. 

 

I knew he was pushing me harder than anyone else.  I'd seen guys take out their sexual frustration on women in various ways.  Pushing me to my physical and emotional limit was Levi's weapon of choice and I refused to cave. 

 

"Oi! What the hell do you think you are doing Stray!  That's the 8th time you have failed to hit the target.  Maybe you should wear your glasses when you fight so your not blind AND dumb."

 

Having ridden horses all my life, my balance gave me a leg up in mastering the 3DMG.  I had never had combat training, however, so fighting was an entirely separate issue. 

 

I repelled to the ground, hot and panting.  Ignoring Levi's string of insults, I went to a nearby water barrel, lifted the lid and dunked my whole head in.  The water was deliciously cold and I could feel myself overheating.  After a second under the water, I lifted my head up and leaned my head back letting the water fall down my body soaking my shirt. 

 

I stood there with my eyes closed as my breathing slowed.  Once I knew I wasn't in danger of passing out,  I tied my hair up letting it continue to drop down my body and turned to continue training.

 

"Wet or dry you are still a useless Stray."  Levi said condescendingly. 

 

"Your just jealous because you will never make me wet.  If I want to be wet in your presence , I have to do it myself.  Talk about useless."

 

I smirk and throw myself back into practice knowing damn well how much that remark is going to cost me.

 

—————————————-

 

I return to our room exhausted and frustrated.  My little comment had cost me 10 extra laps on the obstacle course as well as a full course meal personally catered to Levi's office since he couldn't make me clean.

 

Erwin wasn't there, so I undressed and showered quickly before putting on my real world tank and yoga pants to go make dinner. 

 

I decided to make a version of my jalapeño chicken with my specialty steamed broccoli/cauliflower mix and a chicken enchilada soup.  I already knew we had all the ingredients, though some substitutions had to be made. 

 

I prepped all the ingredients and then brought out my secret weapon.  I had been so caught up in everything going on I hadn't bothered checking to see if my phone worked.  It didn't get service, but I still had Pandora in offline mode.  I plugged my ear buds in and got ready to have some me time. 

 

How appropriate.  I think as I turn up the sound.   All that exists now is this little room.

 

——————————————-

You Don't have to Leave Ft Tryon - Oliver Twist

——————————————

Maybe it's the time you're taking

Maybe it's the face you're making

The way you're putting that lipstick on

 

Maybe it's the way you're shading

Somethin' about the way you're shadin' those brown eyes

It turns me on

I know I promised that I'd take you out

I just wanna keep you here all to myself

 

If you wanna dance

We can put some rackets on

If you wanna party

We can turn the lights down low

If you wanna love me, baby

Then love me, baby

We can take the whole town on

We don't have to leave this bed

 

We don't

We don't

We don't

We don't have to leave

 

We don't

We don't

We don't have to leave this bed

 

I know we got reservations

I know we got friends that are waiting

Baby, they're good on their own

 

Use your imagination

All the places we could take it

If we just stay home

 

Oh I know we could shut the city down

Oh but we got all we need right here right now

 

If you wanna dance

We can put some rackets on

If you wanna party

We can turn the lights down low

If you wanna love me, baby

Then love me, baby

We can take the whole town on

We don't have to leave this bed

 

We don't

We don't

We don't

We don't have to leave

 

We don't

We don't

No we don't have to leave this bed

 

We don't

We don't

No we don't have to leave this bed

We can take the whole town on

We don't have to leave this bed

 

It's just gettin' started

We gonna have a party

 

Think of all the possibilities

When it's just you and me

Oh baby, when it's you and me!

 

If you wanna dance

We can put some rackets on

If you wanna party

We can turn the lights down low

If you wanna love me, baby

Then love me, baby

We can take the whole town on

We don't have to leave this bed

 

I smile as I sing, dancing around a little here and there.  It feels good.  Almost like home, whatever that is these days.  Closing my vision to only this room makes me feel safe, but also isolated.  I don't have to think about anyone else or let anyone else in, but I also don't let myself be loved.  It's a small world .  One I know I can't stay in. 

 

I finish the meal after a dozen more songs, packing half of it onto a large tray and leaving a note on the other half saying "Do not touch.  For Commander Erwin" before heading upstairs to give tiny terror his meal. 

 

——————————————-

 

I knock on his door and get no response.  After a minute I open it to find him not in his office. 

 

I said I would bring it not keep it warm.

 

I set the tray down on his desk, seeing no other place to put it and turn to leave when a hand grabs my wrist.

 

I turn around and glare at the Captain, who has just taken a shower and is only in a towel. 

 

"I didn't dismiss you Stray."

 

"You don't need to I can dismiss myself."

 

He tightens his grip on my wrist and pulls me against him causing me to get slightly damp in places.  "Looks like I CAN make you wet."

 

I take my free hand and put it on his ass pulling his groin into me.   "Even if you can, you are still a tiny terror judging by the lack of presence I feel against me right now.  I wouldn't stay wet for long."  I release his ass and twist my wrist in reverse forcing his grip to release. 

 

"I doubt you can even get it up.  It's probably the only thing shorter than you."  I grin at him with a strange sexual malice.  I'm turned on immensely by the interaction but I'm also pissed that he dismissed me so easily. 

 

"Least I'm not only good for sex."

 

"Least I AM good for sex. You're a damn virgin who couldn't fuck his way out of a wet paper bag!"  I step into his face.

 

"I'm not the one with a daddy complex."

 

"Least mine is legal.  You just wanna fuck little girls.  Is it because they don't know any better?"  I give him a sultry look as I trace my lip with my finger.  "Please Captain .....don't touch me there......mmmmm Captain......I've never .....your one finger feels amazing....don't stop......"

 

I watch the rage and the passion build in his eyes as I role play.

 

"It's better to be something to someone than trash."

 

That was the straw.  Next thing I know I'm up against the wall and his lips are on mine as his hands grab my ass and pick me up to wrap me around his body. 

 

"Trash huh?"  He says against my lips.  "What does a filthy Stray know about trash?"

 

"More than a virgin."  I retort as I bite his lip hard causing him to suck air though his teeth. 

 

"You wouldn't know how to love me if I showed you you sadistic pervert." 

 

I try to push him away but the force of my rejection seems to turn him on more. 

 

"Struggle all you want, I'm not letting you go.  When you are here you are mine until I release you."

 

"I will never be yours Levi.  You are incapable of love and no matter how attractive you may be, I will never give myself to a man like you.  All you are capable of is destroying people not making them better.  I won't be another victim for you."

 

"Tsk.  What the fuck do you know?"  He drops me and then walks towards his desk. 

 

"I know that what I want from you I will never have.  As a result, I have found it in Erwin and I am happy.  You should respect that." 

 

For some reason tears well up in my eyes as I look at Levi's back. 

 

When he hears the waiver in my voice he turns around. 

 

For the first time I stand in front of him completely vulnerable.  He must have seen something because he walks up to me ignoring my attempts to fend him off and, placing a hand gently on the back of my head, kissed me softly. 

 

When he breaks the kiss there is a softer passion in his eyes.  "I never want to make you cry idiot." 

 

I sniffle and look at him.  "Levi......I....."

 

He kissed me again and backs me into his room.  "Stop crying idiot."  He kissed down my neck as he slides the straps of my tank off my shoulders. 

 

"Levi we can't .......". I run my fingers through his hair and moan softly as he runs his tongue over my nipple. 

 

"Did my training leave you unable to physically move Stray?  Because it seems to me like you can."

 

"Levi....please."

 

He growls against my breast.

 

"Levi.....you don't understand."

 

"Tsk.  What is there to understand?  We want each other.  I'm not sure what stupid thoughts in that brainless head of yours are making that complicated."  I can hear the irritation in his voice.

 

"Levi I love Erwin.  I think he loves me.  Can you honestly say you love me and want me physically and emotionally?  You can't can you."

 

"Tsk."

 

"We can't do this Levi.  Maybe if you could be honest with your feelings, if you even have any, but I need a lot of emotional connection and you can't give me that.  I can't wonder every day if you will leave me for something quicker, better, younger.  I want to love openly and honestly and feel loved in return."

 

Levi steps back and walks to his desk.  "Just go then, but know that he doesn't truly love you."

 

"Excuse me?"

 

Levi turns to me and leans on his desk with his arms across his chest."He doesn't truly love you."

 

"How do you know that?"

 

"Other than the fact that he hasn't said it OR are we talking about the cadette he has on the side and has had this whole time?" 

 

I stared at Levi unbelieving. 

 

"You don't have to take my word for it.If you go to this address about an hour after you leave you will see for yourself."

 

Levi hands me a paper with an address on it. 

 

I look at it and then back at Levi. 

 

"Are you fucking serious?And you......KNEW!?"

 

"Only because I'm the only one who was able to find him when things started adding up."

 

"Why are you even telling me this?  How do I know this isn't some kind of game for you."

 

"You clearly have opinions about me, I figuredI had nothing to lose by telling you. Since, you know, I'm incapable of knowing or giving love." 

 

For the first time I realize he has been hurt by my words.  I also wasn't in a space to care. 

 

"If you are fucking with me......"

 

"As intimidating as your weak ass threat wants to be....."

 

"Fuck you!"

 

"I'm here.  Doors always open."  He turns and takes a bite out of the meal.  "Has more potential than you and that fake ass relationship."

 

I storm up to him and slap him across the face with the full force of my open palm.  My hand throbs excruciatingly after, pulsing and angry, but I refuse to show how much it hurts.

 

He glares at me but says nothing.  I turn and leave.

 

 

To Be Continued...........


	7. Lost Souls

Are we ever prepared to see the truth?Is it any easier if we see it coming?Does our heart ache less or our lungs breathe easier?I know I don't cry any less, maybe just a little more silently over a longer period of time. 

 

How about rage?Is it stronger?Does the fire burn brighter extinguishing our souls and desire like a phoenix during rebirth if we know the truth we hear is absolute? 

In my experience we are never prepared.  Even if we know, we don't.  The more silent the grief, the more torturous and impactful it is on our lives.It is almost better to be surprised and suffer a moment then torment yourself with the disease of doubt. 

Was it me? Was it not me?Should I have done this?Not this?

I thought I was ready when I went to the address in one of the dirtiest parts of the city.  I knew it was bad, the location said it all.  I didn't know HOW bad. Granted all kinds of sounds came from "establishments" I passed, but the ones from the room I headed to were purely carnal.  I was apprehensive but not shy.  I crept quietly up to the window and covered my mouth in shock.  

 

Erwin lay on his back on the bed.On top of his dick riding it like it was a goddamn carousel was Eren while some blonde little sprite female fucked his face as Eren and her kissed.Eren had a collar with a metal chain on that was attached to the foot of the bed while the young girl had nipple clamps and her hands bound behind her back. 

 

The entire scene looked like a human centipede of lust.I could only stand to watch for a few moments before I turned and walked back to HQ in a daze.When I got back to Erwin's office, my heart broke.Images of us flooded my mind where he had seemed so gentlemanly, so sincere. 

 

My legs tried to give out, but I staggered forward to our room.I found my things, shoving them into a towel and left the room.Half way through his office I turned to his desk.Looking out the window I smiled a twisted ugly smile.I walked to his desk and scrawled a goodbye

 

He who loves least loses the most

May we both find salvation

And the depths of our soul

In someone else's eternity

 

Then I left. 

 

————————————

 

The walk from Erwin's office to Levi's was longer than I remember.When I got there, his light was still on so I didn't bother to knock.

 

When I entered he looked up,then set his pen down, interlaced his fingers on the desk and sat up.

 

"Thank you for telling me, regardless of your motivation.I guess you have more balls than I gave you credit for.I apologize for what I said as well." He earned my sincerity this time. 

 

Then I turned to walk out.

 

"Where do you think you are going?"

 

"Does it matter?I can't stay with him.I feel filthy and used.I'll sleep somewhere dry around HQ and request a new room tomorrow."

 

"You have to realize he won't let you leave.Nor will he allow you to go anywhere he can have control over."

 

"He obviously doesn't know a thing about this woman being scorned.Let him try to stop me."

 

"As amusing as watching you struggle will be, as if I needed more ammo for your stupidity, I'm not allowing that."

 

I turned to see him walking towards me."What do you care what happens to me?"

 

He just sighs and rolls his eyes, then takes my bundle and walks into his room.

 

I follow him skeptically. 

 

"Take a shower.I'll be in the other room continuing the work you interrupted."

 

He closed the door after dropping my stuff on the bed. 

 

I stand there trying to take in my situation.Then I realize I don't care. 

 

I strip, dump everything on the bed, grab my phone and take the towel, heading towards the shower. 

 

I turn on pandora and find a song that will help my soul bleed.Slicing the fibers of my heart so I bleed out into the drain as the words escape my lips. 

 

——————————————-

Lovesick by Caroline Pennell - Jordanxl remix

—————————————-

Verse 1:

I , I'm trynna keep my fear above the pavement, Everything I thought I knew keeps changing

So close that I can taste it (taste it)

I, I'm seeing ghost of friendships I've been craving

Standing in the line that I've created

So close I should take it

 

Chorus:

We looked away then looked right back

Though the future got here so fast, so fast

It's a lovesick feeling when you just want it all

It's a knowing that the hardest part is letting go

 

I, I'm trynna make the best of every moment

Reaching out for something I can't hold yet

So close, my arms are open

 

We turned away and turn right back

Though the future caught up so fast

It's a lovesick feeling when you just want it all

It's a knowing that the hardest part is letting go

 

We could go on forever follow our own lives

We could go on forever me by your wayside

We could go on forever but at the end of the day we say....

We could go on forever, follow our own lives

We could go on forever me by your wayside

We could go on forever but at the end of the day we say...

—————————————————

 

It follows with Taped up Heart by Kream Ft. Clara Mae and Crawl Outa Love by Illenium Ft. Annika Wells.

 

By this point my heart aches.The tears become both my deliverance and my purgatory.My hands are in my hair, my tears fall endlessly out of my closed eyes and I am so full of sadness I don't hear the shower door open.

 

Levi quietly slips behind me, placing his arms around my waist pulling me against him as he kisses my back.My heart is at that point now where my emotions are so high I have no emotional filter.All I want is what it desires and right now that is love.I want the love I thought I had and I want it from the person I desired and gave my heart to.I turn to him as the song changes to Naked by Gil Glaze Ft. Madi Rindge

 

Come close, give me space

Don't recognize this place

Want you, to hold me tight

Like it's the last time

 

But I want you

Will you be here for me tonight

Now I say that I don't need you

But that's a lie

 

Now I want you

Will you be here for me tonight

Now I'm standing naked in front of you

(Oh ooh oh oh)

My heart is open ready for you

(Oh ooh oh oh)

You start this fire inside me

Without you I'm feeling empty

 

Now I'm standing naked in front of you

(Oh ooh oh oh)

My heart is open ready for you

(Oh ooh oh oh)

You start this fire inside me

Without you I'm feeling empty

 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

 

Without you I'm, I'm empty

 

Kiss me, But not too much

Just need, a little touch

I'm scared, to give my all

It looks, too far to fall

 

But I want you

Will you be here for me tonight

Now I say that I don't need you

But that's a lie

 

Now I want you

Will you be here for me tonight

 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

 

Now I'm standing naked in front of you

(Oh ooh oh oh)

My heart is open ready for you

(Oh ooh oh oh)

You start this fire inside me

Without you I'm feeling empty

 

Standing naked in front of you

(Oh ooh oh oh)

My heart is open ready for you

(Oh ooh oh oh)

You start this fire inside me

Without you I'm feeling empty

 

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

 

Without you I'm, I'm empty

 

He looks at me, not my body.  He looks into my eyes as if he can see the chaos in my orbs.  As he looks, my heart continues to break.  I go to turn my head but his hand grabs my chin and pulls me into a kiss.  It's sweet and simple.  He doesn't force himself on me, just gently pushes his lips into mine, his tongue softly caressing my bottom lip from time to time.  

 

Neither of us say anything.Neither of us needs to.I want to touch him, but I'm scared. 

 

He doesn't seem bothered.He keeps kissing me with his arms around my waist until my body relaxes. 

 

He looks at me again and then moves to leave the shower, but I catch his arm. I don't want him to leave me like this.He looks back at me before reaching around me to turn off the shower and then grabs a towel, which he wraps around me before putting one around his waist. 

 

Covered, he takes my hand and guides me to the bed, which is now clean.He sits down and then guides me in between his legs.He looks at me again and then rests his head against my stomach as he hugs me. 

 

I reach my hand towards his head, hesitate, and then run my fingers through his hair. 

 

He sighs contentedly but doesn't move.

 

I keep running my hands through his hair and then down the back of his neck.I can feel myself getting turned on despite or in spite of how destroyed my heart feels. 

 

At one point, he takes my hand and kisses my palm as he looks up at me and I bite my lip. 

 

A soft growl escaped his lips and he pulls me on top of him causing my towel to fall to my hips.I blush and try to pull myself up so I can cover back up but he holds me down and pulls me in for another kiss. 

 

I'm only getting more and more turned on and the rational part of my mind saying this is a bad idea is fighting a rapidly losing battle. 

 

"Levi...". I say into his lips which have become a little more insistent and needy. 

 

"Don't you fucking dare ask me if I want this or you."

 

I gasp at the unexpected half confession."Levi I...."

 

"You most certainly fucking can now shut up."

 

"But....."

 

"I don't fucking care.I can't believe you are this stupid."

 

"The words sting and I push away from him as tears come to my eyes."

 

"Tsk.I didn't mean that I'm sorry."He sits up and kisses my shoulder. 

 

"I'm only going to say this once so shut up and listen."

 

"I want you to stay here with me to be with me."

 

"Won't you feel used?"

 

"Why don't you let me worry about how I feel."

 

"Because I want to know how you feel.Because I know how I feel.I've wanted you for a VERY long time but never dreamed you would want anything to do with me."

 

"Why were you with Erwin then?"He looks at me quizzically.

 

"Because Erwin seemed safer.I can't compete with younger girls and I didn't think you would want someone your age or older."

 

"Do you still want Erwin?"He kissed my shoulder. 

 

"No.That doesn't mean this won't hurt, getting over what I thought we had.If I look at it though, I don't know that I loved him as much as I loved the image of him.I had this idea in my head and as far as I knew it was exactly what I had dreamed it would be.I felt loved, cherished, valued, vulnerable....."

 

I look at Levi."Just tell me when this is over, if you want something else.I can't bear finding you in here with some other girls mouth on your dick or your dick in her as you pound her on your desk."

 

"I guess that depends on the muffin."He smirks at me his eyes shining. 

 

Then I play slap his face.......on the same spot I hit earlier and gasp as he winces. 

 

I grab his face and place soft kisses on his cheek."I'm sorry about that too.You didn't deserve being hit that hard."

 

"You're right but it kinda turned me on."He blushes as I lift an eyebrow.

 

"I told you I didn't want a submissive girl."

 

I smile for the first time that night."Yes you did.How could I forget."

 

He lays on his back with his hands behind his head closing his eyes.

 

I look at him smiling in disbelief until he opens an eye to look at me.

 

"What are you staring at Stray?"

 

That word should hurt more now that everything happened but strangely it doesn't. 

 

"Thanks again Levi.You're more of a gentleman than I gave you credit for."

 

He gets up quickly."Shut up idiot.I have work to finish.He starts walking away and I yank his towel off causing him to frantically look for something to cover himself with. 

 

"Awww what's the matter.Don't want me to see you naked and run?"

 

"Tsk.You won't be running.You will be lucky if you can walk."

 

His sudden intense gaze hits me and my desire sky rockets. 

 

I sit back on the bed in a kneeling position, the desire in my eyes prominent."Promise me."

 

"Dirty girl." He puts his briefs and pants back on and walks into his office leaving me hot and bothered.

 

 

To Be Continued.......


	8. What You Want

As I watched Levi leave for his office, all I could think was how I hated to see him leave but loooooved to watch him go. 

 

He partially closed the door and in that moment I loved him for that.  I heard him sit down, sigh lightly and then begin to scratch pen against paper.  I wanted to hate him for leaving me like this, but I actually respected him more.  I still had a pang in my chest that maybe he didn't really want anything to do with me and just felt pity for me. 

 

I tried to push that thought aside as I climbed into his bed and closed my eyes.  His room was so calm.  There was no sense of power or pretense like with Erwin's office.  Just four walls and basic furniture.  Nothing excessive or wasted. 

 

It took me a little while to fall asleep, but it was peaceful.

 

——————————————

 

The next morning proved more difficult.   When I opened my eyes I was hit with the harsh realities from last night.  I also was forced to deal with the thought that Levi and I would go back to normal.  I would be left in this place having failed with both of the men I had wanted to love. 

 

After shaking everything off as best I could I got up.  The door to his office was still open and the bed was empty. 

 

Did he just not sleep or did he sleep out there?

 

I quickly got dressed and peaked out of his room to see him now fully dressed working on paperwork.

 

"Good Morning Captain."

 

"You sleep like the dead."

 

"I'm sorry?"  I said confused. 

 

I stood there for a moment longer.  "Thank you for letting me stay.  I will get my stuff together and see about getting a room for myself."

 

"What part of our conversation last night DID you listen to?"

 

I looked at him confused and he rolled his eyes.

 

"You're staying here.  If you touch your stuff I'll chain you and it to the bed."

 

I bit my lip.  "Maybe I want you to chain me to the bed Captain." 

 

He looked at me sharply.  "Remind me never to let you go to bed horny again."

 

Then it hit me.  "Captain did you sleep at all?"

 

"I rarely sleep so you using the bed isn't a problem."

 

I walked over to him and stood next to his chair.  When he didn't move, I turned his chair so he faced me and parted his legs so I could slide between them.  "Would it kill you to look at me and say something nice?"

 

I reached out and ran my hand gently through his hair.  He closed his eyes and I leaned down and kissed his lips softly, letting my hand trail down the back of his neck. He moaned quietly into my kiss and I smiled against his lips.

 

"Does this mean you still like me?"I say coyly. 

 

"Why must you distract me when I'm clearly working?" He took the hand not in the middle of writing and ran it down my back gently causing me to arch my back into him. 

 

"Because I want you to touch me.You didn't come to bed so I woke up lonely."

 

"I was in the next room dummy.I even left the door open."

 

"It's not the same as having you..." I kiss his lips "...next..." I kiss his neck causing him to turn his head and grip his pen harder "to me ."I slide down his body and move my head to kiss his crotch when he slides the chair back and stands up.

 

"You haven't eaten have you.You should probably go do that before training."He walks into his room and I stare at him in disbelief. 

 

Why is he rejecting me?

 

———————————————-

 

She has no idea how hard this is for me literally AND figuratively. 

 

Since she had slapped him and left, Levi had been an absolute mess on the inside.He hadn't meant to push her that far, but he couldn't keep letting her delude herself.He loved her too much for that.Now that she knew the truth and was here, he didn't want her here just because she was willing.It made it so hard when she kept throwing herself at him. 

 

He felt like his whole body was shaking from the desire he had for her.He wouldn't take her like some rogue though.He wasn't Erwin. 

 

She also wasn't a child he could push away.She was a woman and more fragile even if she didn't want to be. 

 

He paced his room for a second trying to calm down. 

 

He knew he was doing this all wrong but he......

 

———————————————

 

I can't stand this.He isn't going to walk away a second time.

 

I walk into his office but his back is to me. 

 

He isn't going to get away this time. 

 

I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him against me. 

 

"Levi I need you to tell me what you want.I can't love you by myself."

 

Levi stood there a moment, then turned to face me.His eyes were fierce but not with anger. 

 

"I'm scared Levi.I'm scared you are going to turn me away and not want me."My eyes are pleading as I look into his. 

 

He takes his hands and runs them through my hair until he gets to my jaw.His hands then encircle my face and he pulls me into an incredibly tender kiss."I want you.Fiercely.But not as a substitute or a filler. I want you to want me completely, selfishly, entirely."He pulls me against him and kisses my forehead."I want you to be in love with me."

 

I can feel his heartbeat strong and rapid.

 

"I was so jealous of the way you were with Erwin.The looks you gave him, the way he made you more beautiful, the genuine happiness you seemed to have.....I wanted to be the one to give you those things."

 

I pull back and look at him and I can see the hurt in his eyes. 

 

"You only ever looked at me with amusement or challenge.You never looked at me like you wanted me to possess you entirely."

 

He tucks my hair behind my ears. 

 

"I don't want this until I can have that, and I WILL have that. You are mine now."A small growl escapes his lips as he leans down and nips my neck.

 

"I won't let Erwin try to take you back.I also won't let anyone else have you."

 

His hands wander down my back and then across my ass.His hands are so delicate, they feel like he is tracing my body trying to remember every line, every detail.I feel aroused so my hands dig into his shirt as I gasp softly. 

 

"You make this impossible.How can I make this special when you make noises like that and cling to me."He whispers in my ear. 

 

"Levi....". I move my hand to the back of his neck and pull him in for a passionate kiss as my free hand begins undoing his cravat.

 

He tries to break the kiss and I bite his lip pulling him back to plunge my tongue between his parted lips. 

 

His cravat is now undone and I slowly pull it off of him, dropping it to the floor. I then begin unbuttoning his shirt as he keeps one hand on my ass and the other moves to tangle in my hair. 

 

When his shirt is unbuttoned, I leave a line of kisses from his lips to his navel and then back up. 

 

"From the moment I saw you in Erwin's office I wanted you desperately.I was afraid of your rejection, though and thought it better to pretend I wasn't interested."I kiss down to his nipple and gently lick and pinch it between my teeth causing Levi's breathing to quicken as the hand on my head holds my hair tighter. 

 

"I want you to know, to see, to feel how badly I have wanted you this whole time."I lift my head and pull his head to mine for another intense kiss."Levi......I need you to dominate me......I need to give myself to you........please..."

 

I watched as his pupils dilated before his hand left my hair only to grab my ass a second later."Don't expect to leave my bed any time soon Stray." His voice was huskier, laced with desire. 

 

He guided me backwards to the bed as he began undressing me.I provided no resistance.All I wanted was the man I had desired for so long, the man my dreams had denied me. 

 

Once my shirt was unbuttoned, he slid it off as he kissed down my shoulder on one side and then the other, letting it fall to the ground. 

 

Wrapping his arms around me, he kisses my neck as he unclasps my bra, letting that also fall to the floor.

 

He is gentle, taking his time, savoring every moment as my body screams with pent up desire.

 

His lips envelop mine before they travel down my body to my pelvis.Kissing my navel, he undoes my pants and painfully, slowly slides them down my legs.As my sex becomes exposed, he kisses it and then slips his tongue in between the lips as he slides my pants the rest of the way down.

 

The moment I feel his tongue, my legs almost buckle and I gasp. 

 

"Falling for me already?I've barely even touched you." His voice is silken and deep. 

 

I moan as his tongue penetrates deeper and I grab both sides of his head in my hands and pull his face into my sex, no longer hiding my desire. 

 

He licks me one last time and then stands.

 

"So many things....." he practically purrs "....so many things I have dreamt of doing to you.  You keep me up all day and night.  Watching you move is captivating.  I crave moments with you."  He places his hands on my hips, picking me up to place me against the wall before sliding his hands down towards my knees. 

 

My legs wrap around his slender but firm hips.  I can feel the muscles of his back constrict and relax as they come in contact with me.  

 

Before we can explore farther, there is a knock at the door. 

 

I have never heard a more carnal sound of anger come from anyone as the one that escaped from Levi's lips. 

 

"NAME AND BUSINESS!"

 

"It's Erwin.  I'm here for Rhey, is she there?"

 

To be cotinued......


	9. Where We Left Off

"Tsk.Fucking bastard I knew it."He growls quietly.Turning his head to look at me, he bites my neck and I wince in pain."Get dressed and lock the fucking door.He isn't to see you like this."

 

He slides me down his body before grabbing his clothes and walking into his office, slamming the door behind him.

 

"She's here.My understanding is she doesn't want to see you."

 

I walk to the door and lock it as quietly as possible then hold my ear to the door to hear the conversation.

 

"Is that so?I'd still like to talk to her, don't make me give you an order.I'd hate to see you disobey it."

 

I hear Levi click his tongue and then open the door. 

 

"You always were incredibly intelligent at reading situations Captain."He looks around the room."Since I see she isn't here my guess is she is in your room?"

 

"She was an annoying crying mess when she got here.I told her to take a shower and pull her shit together because I didn't have the time or energy to waste on stupid drama."

 

I wasn't an annoying crying mess....what is he playing at?

 

"Did she say what was wrong?"

 

"I was just getting to the good part."He said with exaggerated sarcasm.

 

I smiled and blushed a little. 

 

"Rhey.....are you descent?I'd like to talk to you for a minute."

 

I panicked and stepped quietly away from the door."Just a minute."

 

I take just enough time to establish I'm in control of the situation before coming out of Levi's room.

 

"Rhey..." He said with a smile that made me want to kick him in the dick as he walked towards me. "I missed you last night.You weren't there when I came to bed." 

 

"Missed me?Missed me?!"The rage showing in my face as my teeth clenched and my eyebrows furrowed."That's funny, you didn't look like you missed me with Eren on your dick and that little whore on your face.I'm sure you came plenty last night.I'm not interested in being 4ths Erwin."

 

He stopped and turned to Levi with a sneer, which Levi responded with an expressionless glare before turning back to me.

 

"You are such a pure woman Rhey.If I had thought you would be interested in my....hobbies I would have told you about them, but don't think for a moment you are any less important in my eyes just because I have indulgences now and again."

 

"Indulgences?We aren't talking about food or gambling Erwin, we are talking about your sexual proclivities that are no longer something I want to "indulge in"."

 

He began walking towards me and I stood my ground."You don't know that my dear.Have you ever been chained to a bed unable to touch the one thing you want most as waves and waves of pure ecstasy wash over your body?"

 

I thought of Levi chaining me to the bed, kissing and licking all over me and my face got red, but I met Erwin's gaze without faltering. 

 

Erwin smirks."It seems you might just be a dirty little girl after all."

 

"I want nothing to do with you."

 

"We shall see kitten we shall see.I doubt anyone can make your body feel the way it does with me."He turns to Levi and grins before turning and waking to the door.

 

"You are still expected to report to my office seeing as you haven't been fired yet.You may continue your training as well as I believe you may prove useful in the near future.I look forward to seeing you kitten."

 

With that, he walks to the door, but before he leaves he he addresses Levi one final time."Don't think you can keep her from me.There is no way you can ever hope to possess the fire I have stoked in her.You will be lucky if you can quench the flames of passion I leave burning."

 

"Go to hell Erwin." Levi replies as he walks towards the door and slams it in his face before turning to me."He isn't going to make this easy.Decide now if you want to change your mind and go back to that sick pervert or stay with me and let me protect you."

 

For a second I see vulnerability in his eyes, though he won't meet my gaze for long, turning his head to walk towards his desk. 

 

"What do you want Levi?"

 

"I shouldn't have to fucking tell you again what I want.Didn't I already tell you what I wanted when we were in the bedroom?"He growled irritably. 

 

"Since you seem to think my feelings have changed, maybe yours have too."

 

"I hate when you get insolent and mouthy.Get your ass over here."

 

I raise an eyebrow and walk slowly to his desk where he is leaning against it with his arms crossed. 

 

Once I stand in front of him,he wraps one hand around my lower back and pulls me against him so my hands brace against his chest and my lips are inches from his. 

 

"You are mine Stray.Even if you say you are not.I just need to know if you are going to come willingly...." he traces kisses down my neck, pressing the boundaries of my shirt "or if I have to convince you further."He releases his grip slightly nudging the nape of my neck in a way that tells me to lean back slightly.When I do, he begins unbuttoning my shirt with his teeth.My breathing quickens and I push my hips into his as I begins to undress him for a second time. 

 

"I will not let you leave, until I have punished you for putting me in this position and I feel you are adequately sorry for your actions."

 

His hands continue where his teeth left off and I lean back allowing him access to remove my shirt and bra with no resistance. 

 

With my top half naked, he leans back and with one swipe of his arm throws everything off the desk causing papers and utensils to fly across the room.He then looks back at me with a smirk."Look what you made me do.You better take responsibility for that once we are through." 

 

Without waiting for a response he flips me around and sits me on the edge of his desk as he yanks my pants and underwear down as I try to cling to him. 

 

"Lay down Stray.These need to come off."

 

I reposition myself so my back takes up the length of the desk as I lay down and barely have a chance to grab the desk before Levi starts yanking my pants down. 

 

"Now where were we?"He grins mischievously.Before placing his lips to my sex. 

 

I grab the edge of the desk behind my head and arch my back as his tongue caresses the sensitive flesh. 

 

"Levi....someone could walk in...mmmmmnnnh."

 

He looks up at me as he begins running his fingers around the outside of my clit."Then I suggest you cum quickly.I want to smell you all over my desk so you better make it good."Then his fingers penetrate me as his tongue resumes it's caressing, more insistently this time. 

 

My fingers turn white on the desk as my lips open into soundless cries of pleasure.His delicate fingers hit exactly the right places as my g-spot swells causing him to hit it with every penetration.His tongue speeds up and begins to focus solely on the head of my clit, pushing me quickly over the edge.

 

My orgasm racks my body as it spills out over his desk.

 

"Good girl."He says with hungry eyes as he continues to penetrate me with his fingers drawing out ever last drop of the ecstasy he gave me.

 

When my shudders subside, he kisses up my body before picking me up in a princess carry and taking me to his room. 

 

I'm still incredibly horny and as he lays me down I grab his cravat holding him in place as I undo his pants. 

 

"Were you worried that was all?How cute."

 

"Shut your whore mouth and fuck me you ass."

 

With his pants undone, I flip him on his back and yank them far enough down to release all of him, before quickly straddling him before he can retaliate.I don't tease him in, I take all of him in one thrust down.I'm sore but it's a good sore.He's so big I feel my walls stretching to accommodate. 

 

As my sex envelops him, he grabs my hips digging his fingers into them.

 

"Fuck .....Rhey....mmmnnah."

 

I start grinding into him.As he picks up the rhythm, he sits up and wraps my legs around his waist trying to go deeper inside me. 

 

"Now whose eager."I smirk at him

 

Which earns me a slap on the ass before he flips me on my back, puts my knees over his shoulders and starts hitting it hard as my moans and whimpers indicate how amazing it feels. 

 

Before long I'm begging him to let me kneel in front of him so he can hit me from behind and he is all to eager to comply, and one up me by stimulating my clit at the same time. 

 

"I want you to cum with me inside you."He whispers into my ear as he sits me up to lean against his body as he continues to stimulate my clit as I bounce up and down on his dick. 

 

His voice in my ear turns me on like nothing else has.It's dark, sultry, commanding and irresistible.It makes me want to disobey, but my body doesn't want to. 

 

Within minutes I am orgasming again, my fluids running down us both as he continues to penetrate me until he too finds release.

 

Amazingly enough, once we recover enough to move, he lays me down, groaning as he leaves my body. Once I'm settled, he lays down next to me and kisses me sweetly.I blush, and pull him in for another kiss as I curl up against his chest.

 

"Levi.....I don't want to leave this bed or you today."

 

"That's good because I didn't dismiss you.I'd hate to have to punish you for real."He kisses me again as he interlocks his fingers with mine. 

 

When we pull our lips apart I look into his eyes.They seem calmer now, and he seems more relaxed."Are you happy?"

 

"That's a stupid question."

 

"One I'd still like an answer to."I stick out my tongue and he immediately captures it, pulling me into a french kiss.

 

"What do you think?"

 

"I try not to with you it seems safer."

 

"I'll show you what to do with that mouth."Then he begins kissing down my body again as I feel his arousal returning. 

 

"Mnnnnn Levi....."

 

We don't leave the bedroom the rest of the day.Just like two kids playing hooky.

 

To Be Continued .......


	10. Queen to Knight: Check

I never wanted that night to end.  It's not that I felt like it would never happen again, I just didn't think it would ever be that "pure" again. 

 

Levi was right, as I knew in my heart he would be.  Erwin didn't make it easy.  He did everything he could to get between us and bring me to the dark side if you will.

 

My love for Levi had always been stronger though, even if it wasn't as stable.  Even if it felt like it would break at any second.  I wasn't going to give up, but Erwin was of the mindset that resistance was futile. 

 

——————————-

 

"Don't fucking let him touch you.  Do you hear me?"

 

His lips slammed into mine not letting me answer as he pinned me to the wall next to the door.  Not really wanting one.  His voice was angry and annoyed. "Mine."  He kissed down my neck until he got to right above my collarbone.  He bit down and then sucked hard leaving a mark. 

 

"Levi...I...." I bit my lip.I ran my fingers through his hair holding his head against me half in desperation and half out of love of being in contact with him. 

 

"Don't you hide that either."He said darkly as he lifted his head to look in my eyes.

 

"I don't want to, but I would feel better if I had something of yours."I gently take his cravat and begin undoing it until it slides slowly, seductively from around his neck.I put it behind my neck and looking at him coyly say. "Tie it for me so I can remember you this close to me every moment I'm not with you." 

 

He smirks and then kisses me as he flawlessly ties the cravat around my neck.When it is tied, he steps back taking me in."You wearing that puts dirty thoughts into my head you know."

 

"Good.If it keeps you from being distracted by all those cute little migrants you will be around....". I turn my head and pout."They will just die on the spot with how hot you are right now, shirt open to that gorgeous neck line of yours."

 

"Long as it keeps me first in your thoughts, I don't care if it's because you are jealous or riddled with desire.I just want you thinking only of me."

 

I sigh and look at him with a mixture of need and insecurity."I'd feel better if I could stay near you all day.

 

"You say that now, but I wouldn't be able to resist making your life hell.Making your body do things, pushing you to and past your limits."He walks towards me slowly, desire escalating in his eyes.

 

"You know turning me on before I have to go deal with Erwin is probably not your brightest idea."

 

He stops in his tracks and looks at me angrily."You telling me you are going to run to him to deal with it then?"

 

I sigh in frustration."No Lee, I'm saying you don't want to give him anything to use against me."

 

At the mention of my secret nickname for him, his eyes soften and he walks the rest of the way to kiss me softly. 

 

"You know this would be easier if you would just tell me the one thing I want to hear right?"I look at him with exasperation. 

 

"I shouldn't have to tell you what you already know."He smiles as he holds his hand to my cheek.

 

"But I don't know because you haven't told me."

 

"Mouthy Stray."He kisses me again."Go before he comes to get you."

 

My face goes slightly sad."I'll miss you Lee."

 

"Then hurry back so I can show you what you are so desperate to hear."He kisses my cheek.

 

"It would be easier to believe if you just told me."Then I turn and walk away towards Erwin's office.

 

————————————-

 

Levi watches me until I am out of sight, though I never turn to look back once, before closing the door and leaning against it. 

 

She was as amazing as he had hoped, though the farther away she got the more his heart felt like it was going to rip in half. 

 

"She better not fucking go back to him.I'll kill him."

 

Levi slammed his fist into the door before going to his desk chair, grabbing his coat and leaving to deal with the cadets. 

 

—————————————

 

The walk to Erwin's office felt long, but in reality it was probably my hesitation in going back.I was still bothered by the fact Lee wouldn't tell me what his feelings were.He also wouldn't really say what we were, just that I was his, which still made me smile every time I thought of it.

 

When I got to Erwin's door, I knocked.

 

"Come in."

 

Taking a final deep breath in and out to solidify my nerve, I walk into his office.

 

He looks up when he sees me, the hint of s crooked smile crossing his lips."I missed you yesterday."

 

"I'm sure".I said deadpan.

 

"You don't have to believe me."He begins unbuttoning the top three buttons of his shirt as he looks me in the eye a few moments before returning his attention to the documents on the table

 

I raise an eyebrow, but am all too familiar with this suave game so I say nothing and ignore it. 

 

"So what can I help you with today Commander?"I ask casually just trying to be civil.I'm here do do a job that isn't Erwin so it's all business. 

 

"I need you to look over these supply requisitions and see if they can be supported by the current budget to start."

 

He holds out a stack of papers which I walk up to take from his hand as I stand across his desk.As soon as I get a firm hold on the papers, he pulls back trying to pull me towards him. 

 

I had anticipated this and as soon as he tugged me towards him, my partially bent knee hit the desk, giving me something to brace against.As a result, I didn't move far. 

 

"Hmmm cheeky girl."His eyes lock on my neck."New mark I see."His eyes travel down to my breasts."Is the one I gave you under your left breast still there?I told you I would need to renew it if it wasn't.Remember, you were mine first so your body has already been claimed by me."

 

I scowl at him and snatch the papers out of his hand."It is no longer your place to have possession over me Commander.I am fine working under you, but you will keep this relationship professional."

 

"You will miss how gentlemanly I am with you, and only you might I add.None of my other indulgences have ever made me want to be a better person Rhey."

 

"You assume no one else can be that way.That is your first mistake."I say tersely.

 

"Oh kitten.No one can.Levi has no manners nor will he ever.He runs on his survival instincts and I assure you once you become a liability he will lose interest.Ask any woman who has ever "loved" him."

 

"What Levi does and doesn't have inhis personal life is no concern of yours as long as it doesn't affect his ability to fulfill his role in the Survey Corps."

 

"As true as that may be, you have to know you have already begun to affect him.Why don't you go out to the training grounds and see for yourself."

 

"Your concern would be more endearing if I thought it came from a genuine place.So since it does not, I will pretend I didn't hear it."

 

I turn and walk out of his office with the papers I would have to use to distract myself from the things Erwin said.

 

——————————————

 

Levi was having a hard time staying focused.Normally he enjoyed watching the girls go about their training.Their bodies were so young and resilient.He had imagined many a scenario with several of them, despite any attempts to turn his imagination into a reality failing miserably.Everything went fine until they started talking to him as a person and not their Captain.They couldn't handle separating him from his role.They got annoying and needy.He was too old for young, dumb and needy.

 

Rhey was different though.She wasn't phased by him as a Captain.Being older, she just didn't give a fuck and knew he couldn't boss her around.She didn't, or at least hadn't, become some blithering, hormonal idiot the minutes he showed any interest. 

 

She just became one in bed......underneath him...... as he put his head or his dick between her legs..... as she screamed his name....and then curled up against him all vulnerable when they had found release in each other.

 

He suddenly snapped out of his thoughts when he felt his hand trace down his inner thigh as he sat under a tree watching to make sure no one killed themselves or each other. 

 

"Tsk.That damn Stray."He couldn't ignore what she did to him or how she made him feel.He had never felt the need to be so protective of someone in his life. 

 

He clenched his teeth thinking of what Erwin might be trying to do to her.Ripping out a handful of grass he stood up and let it fall from his hand in frustration as a hand slapped his ass.

 

To be continued................


	11. Say It Again

"Lookin good Captain."I said a split second after I smacked Levi's ass and almost a split second too late as the next thing I saw when the last word escaped was a foot less than an inch away from my face.

 

Levi had never been so furious and then so relieved in his life."Tsk.Fucking idiot.You trying to get yourself killed?"

 

"No accosting the Captain unless it's head on.Got it."

 

I step back and around his foot as he lowers it. 

 

"I told you if you came here you would regret it."He said in a devilish tone. 

 

"Well I'd rather it be you than him."I motion with my head towards HQ knowing Levi would understand the reference. 

 

His teeth clenched and he put himself right in my face."Did he touch you?"

 

"He tried, but his game is weak so far.I'm sure he is just testing my reaction, but I saw through his attempts to "persuade me" and he failed miserably."I smirk half heartedly.

 

Levi isn't convinced.He grabs my arm roughly and drags me back to HQ.

 

"Levi what the HELL are you doing?!You don't need to be so rough..."

 

He pushed open a door, pulls me inside, then closes and locks it.It seems to be an empty office but I barely have a chance to get my bearings before he picks me up, unceremoniously plops me on a desk, and starts taking off my shirt.

 

"Le.....vi....." I huff as my shirt comes off and he moves on to my bra.

 

He doesn't speak just continues to strip me until I am naked, except for his cravat.With my clothes off, he pulls me off the desk, puts his fingers roughly in my hair and pulls my head back, then side to side.

 

"LEVI!God damnit don't be so rough I told you!He didn't touch me!"

 

He growls then releases me.I can tell he isn't satisfied, but he can go fuck himself.

 

"Don't you EVER be that rough with me for a petty reason again! I won't lie to you."I look at him sternly a few moments longer before I start getting dressed.

 

"Tsk."He crosses his arms and starts pacing in frontof the door.I can tell he is angry and jealous and upset.He knows he isn't doing this right, but he is gonna have to fucking learn.Then Erwin's words run through my head and I zone out a minute.

 

Levi has no manners nor will he ever.  He runs on his survival instincts and I assure you once you become a liability he will lose interest.

 

A frown crossed my face for a brief second before I continue dressing, hoping Levi didn't notice. 

 

Once dressed, I sigh and then walk straight towards the door.  Levi grabs my sleeve and I yank it away.

 

"Don't. Don't you dare.  I am a person and will not be treated this way.  You need to trust me, or I am gonna be better off without either of you."

 

I watch as the words hit him full force.  His eyes go wide and I stare at him unblinking as his hand lowers to his side. 

 

"Think about what I said, because I am not sorry I said it.  It's a truth.  You need to accept the reality of it and either decide if you want to emotionally develop this relationship or if you want to watch it burn because you couldn't get your head outa your ass."  I stare at him a moment longer then point at him and say.  "I love you Levi.  With all my heart.  More than I expected and more than I EVER thought I loved Erwin.  I'll be damned if I let you treat me this way though."  Then I turn and walk out. 

 

————————————-

 

Selective listening is an infuriating and beautifully simplistic thing.  It allows people to cut and paste whole concepts or conversations into digestible snippets that they can or can not process in stages......or ignore entirely. 

 

It is hard to say if Levi's world imploded or just ceased to be in that moment.  Whatever did happen, he clearly was not prepared for it. 

 

I love you Levi.  With all my heart.  More than I expected and more than I EVER thought I loved Erwin

 

Love......no one had ever told him they loved him.  His mother might have, but he couldn't remember.  Did Rhey mean it, because he distinctly remembered her being angry when she said it.  Can you mean it when you say it angry?  That doesn't seem right.  Or does that just mean she loves me more?  She loves me........she loves.............me......

 

He was a broken record on repeat and his heart......felt like it would burst.  Suddenly he couldn't breathe.  Had he forgotten how?  Soon he was crying and panicking.  Why couldn't he breathe?  He scrambled up and tried to run to the door but he stumbled and fell, which jolted him out of his panic attack and he could breathe again. 

 

It took him a few moments to calm down, but when he finally did, he knew he had to find Rhey.  She was right.He had been childish and insecure, he couldn't help it, but he also couldn't lose her.  He would......THEY would.......have to think of something. 

 

————————————

 

"God FUCKING Damnit."  I threw my jacket at the office door before picking it up and walking into the bedroom to sit on the bed.

 

It's not like I didn't know he was like this, but that doesn't mean I have to take it.I have expectations damnit.

 

I sigh heavily and put my head in my hands for a split second before the office door opens.I stand abruptly and look out the bedroom door. 

 

Within seconds, Levi walks quickly through the door, falls to his knees, pushing his head in my crotch and pulling me down to sit on the bed as he curls his legs up under him in front of me.

 

"Levi."I say with both accusation and concern.

 

He nuzzles deeper into my crotch in a non sexual way, more like a small child who has no sense of boundaries or private areas. 

 

I can feel my pants get wet from where his eyes have rested against them and my heart tugs a little, though I stay firm as I run my fingers through his hair.

 

We sit like this in silence for a while before I try to get him to stand, but he just squeezes his arms tighter around my hips locking his face between my legs. 

 

"I'm allowed to be upset you know."

 

He nudges my left leg with his nose.I smile and run my fingers over his cheek. 

 

I feel him relax and he slowly lifts his head and lays it against my knee as I continue to run my fingers through his hair.

 

"Don't think I'm not still upset."

 

He sighs but doesn't move and we stay there a little while longer before he speaks up.

 

"Did you mean it?"

 

I hold back a smile as I feign ignorance."Did I mean what?"

 

He lifts his head and glares at me.

 

"Don't glare at me.I have no idea what you are referring to.I've said a lot of things in my life I mean."

 

He quickly grabs my hand in his mouth and bites it a little hard before putting his head back on my knees.

 

"Ow Lee that wasn't nice."

 

"And it isn't nice to tease me."

 

"I'm not teasing you.I am doing the same thing you do to me.Turn-a-bout is fair play my dear."

 

I run my hands through his hair and over his cheek. 

 

"You are so stubborn, you know that?"  I say with exasperation.

 

He tries to bite the soft flesh near my knee, but I pull my leg away before he can.

 

"Lee!"

 

He turns his back to me pouting as he wraps his arms around his knees and rests his chin over them.

 

"Fine.Pout by yourself."I get up to leave but he grabs my hand.

 

"Say it again Rhey."

 

Every fiber of my being wants to ask him what he wants me to say, but I know one of us has to be an adult.

 

"Only if you look at me."

 

I wait as he shuffles his feet, but doesn't turn or get up.

 

"You have to stand up and look at me Lee."

 

I can now see he is blushing furiously and it takes all my willpower to keep a straight face.He is just breathtakingly cute.

 

"I want to look in your beautiful eyes and tell you.Please Lee....."

 

He groans and puts his face between his legs.I hadn't realized how embarrassed he was.It's priceless. 

 

"Well.....when you are ready to hear it, come find me."

 

I turn and try to walk away but end up pulling him up as I walk off, his hand keeping mine in a death grip.I turn back and see him embarrassed and trying to glare at me. 

 

I smile and face him, wrapping my arms around his neck and putting my forehead against his so I can look deeply into his eyes.

 

"I love you Lee.With all of my heart."

 

He groans and bounced on his toes a second before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in for the most innocent kiss I have had since high school. 

 

I smile as I kiss him, giddy."Is that what you wanted to hear?"I say against his lips.

 

"Shut up.Say it again." 

 

"I love you Lee."

 

He bounces as he kisses me."Again."

 

"I love you Lee.You are spoiled."

 

"No one asked for your opinion."He continues to kiss me.

 

"I could NOT tell you I......"

 

Then his teeth are digging into my neck and I go silent.

 

"Don't you dare."

 

"I don't see how I benefit from this arrangement."I grumble.

 

"Imagine how even less you would benefit if I didn't like you." 

 

I look at him with an eyebrow raised to see he is blushing, though he has turned his head to the side to try to hide it. 

 

"Who knew you could be this cute as well as devilishly sexy."I tease.

 

He glares at me and I laugh as I take his hand in mine and lace our fingers together. 

 

"So ...... what does this make us?"

 

"A couple idiot." 

 

"A couple of idiots actually."I kiss him on the cheek."But I'm a very happy idiot whose in love with you."

 

He nuzzles my chin.

 

"I promise I won't interfere with your responsibilities as Captain.I can't promise that I want show SOME affection in public though."

 

"Tsk." 

 

I smile knowing he is in for a hard time.

 

To be continued.........


	12. Whose Your Daddy?

While Levi got undeniably cuter with his affections, Erwin became devious and more desperate?  He never seemed it at the time, but his sexual interjections became more frequent and staggered, though as of yet he had not been bold enough to take me from Levi directly.

 

————————————

 

In the mornings, Levi would wake up, go turn on the shower, wake me up and carry me into the shower.  He would wash my hair and then have me wash his.  If I was still half asleep, he would guide my hands as they "washed" his hair. 

 

After we dried off, he would dress first, allowing me to half sleep a little while longer.  Once dressed, he would take the towel or the sheets off my body and wrestle it out of my hands before trying to dress me.  (Let it be known I am not a morning person ESPECIALLY when sleep deprived, which he seemed to forget I shouldn't be when he keeps me up all night every nite.)

 

He liked putting the cravat on me last.  He said it felt like he was tying me to him.  It seemed to make it easier for him to deal with the fact that I was still obligated to assist Erwin. 

 

We always got to the mess hall before everyone else.  He did that to have as much alone time with me as he could. Once inside, I would sit down and he would get me a coffee (he had learned quickly how to make it the way I liked) and him a tea before grabbing us something to eat and we would sit together.  He would be on my right so he could touch my hand or my leg (non sexually) for as long as he could with his left hand since I was left handed and used my left hand to eat and drink, leaving my right hand free. 

 

Once we were done, he would walk me to Erwin's door.  His face would always show his anxiety, but I would pull him close and tell him I loved him, which always made his eyes soften.  He would kiss me goodbye and stay until I closed the door behind me.

 

———————————

 

To date, Erwin had done the following:

 

1) Tried to corner me in a stairwell coming back from an errand, (I quickly faked interest, drawing him close and then kneed him full force in the groin. 

 

2)He had tried to pin me against his library stack when he reached for something above my head during research.  He had tried to make a point of grinding his hips into me as he "stretched to reach" whatever the hell he "wanted", but I had managed to turn around and bite the shit outa his nipple which was risky but as a matter of weight ratios = necessary) *****bonus points if anyone laughs at the weight ratios comment

 

3)Been dressed in only a towel when I came in one morning "acting" like he had just taken a shower.

 

4)Bought a dozen white roses and kept them on his desk. 

 

But today.....today he got a real taste of my zero fucks given face.

 

"I was thinking..." *scribble* scribble* "I have a lot I have to take care of today so we are gonna discuss our reports on the training field."Erwin stands and goes to his room to grab his straps. 

 

I keep my head down, reading the said reports in front of me.I won't give him the satisfaction of a reaction. 

 

I knew at some point he was gonna up the game.What he doesn't know is that I'm not a little bitch and I'll go toe to toe. 

 

When he comes out, his shirt is mostly unbuttoned and his straps are on. 

 

"Shall we?"He says casually.

 

I make a point of shuffling the papers and tapping them on the desk to align them before putting them in the bag I had with me and standing.

 

"By all means Commander."

 

I make sure to stand behind Erwin so when we come into view of Levi, whose face is enraged, I make a heart with my hands before pointing at him. 

 

Levi crosses his arms and stalks Erwin with his eyes. 

 

I sit down under a tree and take out the papers as Erwin makes exaggerated efforts while warming up.My hope is Levi sees me reading and not acknowledging Erwin unless he asks me a question directly.When I have to speak to him,I look him in the eyes with a bored expression. 

 

Erwin doesn't SEEM phased, but I know it has to irritate him.Especially when he sees me randomly stare at Levi and smile. 

 

At one point, Erwin leans over my shoulder from behind me to point at something on the page.I don't flinch, not even when his hand brushes mine "accidentally."

 

I can feel Levi's anger and jealousy.I try to show him with my eyes I lovehim, but he just stares daggers at Erwin. 

 

When I can tell tensions are too high I take matters into my own hands. 

 

"So you see if we rearrange supplies here......"

 

I get up mid sentence as Erwin tries to explain some bullshit strategy he is using as a stall tactic to escalate the situation.Erwin's eyes follow me curiously as I pull my straps out of my bag and walk to an open empty space purposefully. 

 

You ready for some shit big boy?I'm not in the mood.

 

I motion seductively with my finger to Levi who raises an eyebrow but walks over.I pull my hair into a pony tail by the time he stands next to me.Bracing one hand on his shoulder, I pull my boots off.Then, turning my back to Levi, I bend in half sticking my ass into his crotch as I "step into" my straps.

 

With both feet in, I slowly bend up enough to buckle my legs, my ass still in his crotch, though his hands are now on my hips.I smile as I can tell he is trying to fight a raging erection. 

 

When my legs are done, I face him and unbutton my shirt slowly.His eyes go wide in shock, but I lean into his ear and whisper, "Trust me."

 

His eyes show concern as he clenches his teeth, but his eyes never leave mine as I pull my shirt off to reveal the most poorly fitting sports bra I have never been so grateful to own. 

 

With cleavage for days,I bought it for when you need a bra that's cheap just to say you are wearing one, I pull the top harness on and buckle it before smiling at Levi. 

 

"Erwin I'm done with your games for the day."My eyes don't leave Levi's.The I walk to stand side by side to Levi and smack his ass hard with my left hand."Go get your gear Daddy, I wanna go for a ride."I say loud enough for everyone to hear. 

 

I walk to where the gear is and put mine on before turning to see Levi has done the same.Erwin's face is a mixture of shock and frustration, but I ignore him. 

 

"Let's see if you can catch me old man."I wink at him and then fire a bolt into the nearest building, starting the most exhilarating game of cat and mouse I have ever played in my life. 

 

Levi had way more experience, but I was more reckless.There were times when I waited until I was damn near dead before releasing a bolt into a nearby surface, using gravity to its fullest advantage in "out maneuvering" humanities strongest.

 

I couldn't tell if he was more frustrated by my recklessness or that it was paying off and making me more elusive.Either way, it didn't take long before I found myself crashing through the window of an abandoned building wrapped up in Levi who had attacked me from the side as I swung past. 

 

We wrestled for a moment but he gained dominance quickly, straddling me and pinning my arms to the floor as I breathed heavily and sweat trickled down my face and across my breasts. 

 

"Do you surrender?"He said with a sultry tone as he leaned over to whisper in my ear. 

 

"Only if you take me right here.Otherwise I refuse."

 

"You have been a VERY bad girl."He bites my lower lip.

 

"I wasn't trying to be in the beginning.I even tried to tell you I loved you."I pouted.

 

He smiled and brushed my cheek with his fingers."I saw.You still have to pay for everything after that."He leaned down and kissed me and I wrapped my arms around his neck. 

 

"Then make sure to punish me properly."

 

He pulled away and then began undoing his gear, still straddling me as his eyes held mine.He removed it slowly, painfully slowly. 

 

I reached out and began pulling at his shirt, trying to get it out of his pants, but he just took my hands and kissed them, before undoing his leg strap and then tying my hands together with it.

 

"Who said you could touch me?" He smiled devilishly."I told you, you had been bad.Now you don't get to touch unless I say so."

 

With his gear removed he shifted to sit on top of my hips. 

 

"Any last words Stray?"His eyes were ablaze with desire.

 

"Levi..."

 

"No Stray.If we are gonna do it dirty..." he grabs my bra at the cleavage and pulls me upright "I'm your Daddy bitch." 

 

To be continued...........


	13. Bind Me

I attempt to look at him rebelliously but Levi slams his lips into mine as he shifts to a squat before pulling me up to a standing position by my bra.

 

I have the sense to put my legs underneath me and stand with the momentum, but decide at the first opportunity I will turn the tables since I am definitely turned on by his sudden dominance. 

 

"Do I need a safe word?" I say with amusement. "Or are you just playing at being dominant?"

 

Levi spins me around so my back is against his chest. Taking my arms, he slips them, still tied at the wrist, around his neck so I can't resist or use my hands but he has use of both of his. 

 

"A safe word implies you have a choice, which you do not."He pulls my bra up exposing my breasts before undoing my pants."You are completely at my mercy and I do not intend to let you off lightly."

 

"What if I don't play by your rules?"I reply insolently, trying to push his buttons.

 

"I dare you.It'll only make it better for me."He whispers in my ear.

 

My body shudders lightly involuntarily and I curse inwardly at the sign of weakness. 

 

"It looks like your body wants to resist me.Shall we see how long that lasts?"

 

Levi deftly removes my gear before placinghis hands at my hips, slipping his first two fingers under the waist and of my panties.Slowly he runs his hands around my waistband once....twice....three times before I notice that he is gradually sliding my bottoms down. 

 

I sigh heavily at what I feel is a half hearted attempt at torture.

 

He smirks and pulls my pants back up before securing them.He then raises his hands to my nipples which he flicks, feigning disinterest. 

 

"Continue being insolent and you won't get anything.Each incident will cause us to start ALL....OVER so decide how asinine you want to be."

 

He flicks my nipples again as I attempt to stifle any noise that may want to escape my lips, then lets a finger lazily trace down the side of my breast until it hits my torso.He then cups my breasts and begins massaging them, casually and interchangeably running a finger over the nipple or pinching them between his index and middle finger. 

 

I suck air in through my teeth, but refuse to release any other sounds of pleasure. 

 

He seems satisfied with my reaction and slowly moves his hands back down to my pants, slipping his fingers under the waistband.This time I do not complain, but by the time my pants are at the peak of my ass, I have begun trying to dip my hips when his fingers slide down in order to slip my pants off sooner. 

 

"Naughty girl have some patience. Don't you like my hands touching your body?"As he says the word body, his fingers have reached the front of my pelvis on the right and he dips his hand into my crotch to caress my clit quickly.

 

A needy moan escapes my lips of its own volition as my knees try to buckle.I had not realized just this minimal, repetitive contact had stimulated blood flow to my clit this much.I bite my lip as a deep rumble escapes his chest. 

 

As soon as I regain my stance, he pulls my pants and underwear down past my ass before slowly unbuckling his own.With his pants undone, he takes a leather strap from his leg on the opposite side and, bringing it to my bound hands, secures it as a leash before removing my hands from around his neck. 

 

"Bend over."

 

I turn my head, meeting his eyes with one of mine with a look that says make me. 

 

The next thing I know I'm being yanked in half downward only to have him step on the "leash" ground tying me in place.

 

"I expect you to obey unless you like it when I make you."His voice is sinister and seductive. 

 

Then he positions himself behind me, still stepping on the leash. 

 

"One of my favorite views."I can hear the smile on his lips as he runs his hand down my spine before slapping my ass. 

 

I wince slightly at his heavy handed slap, but do not cry out at the sharp pain. 

 

Levi moves his hands back down my back before fondling my ass."Still so supple even in this position."His hands begin to slide from my ass to my inner thigh, just barely missing my engorged clit. 

 

He continues to fondle my ass and my thighs a moment longer before he kneels down, parts my lips

with his delicate fingers and plunges his tongue into my sex. 

 

I can't suppress the moan that tears from my lips as his tongue slides languidly against my clit before tracing the curve from my pussy to my ass.He spends the next few minutes plunging his tongue into both my holes interchangeably as my hips attempt to push into his face.

 

"You should be wet enough now, but you don't deserve to have me yet.You don't even look like you want it."Levi pulls his pants below his ass, releasing his erection.He then slides it between my legs and across my clit.

 

"Close your legs.I want you to feel me without being able to have me."

 

I close my legs, enveloping his erection in the soft flesh of my thighs and lips as he slips back and forth against my clit.

 

I no longer ty to hide my moans. I try to ride him, but his pelvis never makes lasting contact with my ass so all I can do is shift my weight back and forth a little as his dick slides completely over and past my opening over and over. 

 

Since he doesn't change the pace, I never have a chance to reach orgasm.I'm stuck in a type of sexual purgatory.

 

All I feel is desire and I begin to whine in between moans.

 

"Mewling already?Had enough Stray?"

 

"Mnnnnnhhhh....". Then I gasp as all feeling stops.All I can feel is the pulse of my clit and the desire coursing through my body. 

 

I can't turn to see him, but after a moment he comes

to stand in front of me. 

 

"Sit on your knees and put your hands in your lap."

 

I take my time shifting into a kneeling position per his specifications.My back is sore from bending over and Levi seems to understand that, not forcing me to move faster than I am able. 

 

Once I kneel, he steps on the leash again, but leaves some room on the line.

 

"Show me how badly you want it without using your hands.Put that mouth of yours to good use.If you do a good job, maybe I'll release your hands." 

 

I smirk then rise to my knees as I take him all in my mouth in one motion. 

 

The gratification I felt as the guttural moan escaped his lips as precum spilled onto my tongue was all the motivation I needed.

 

I slowly slid my mouth over his length as my tongue applied and released suction in intervals. 

 

Levi reached to put his fingers in my hair but I pulled back, releasing his shaft with a pop as I leaned out of his reach. 

 

"Feisty bitch. Think you have the upper hand?"

 

I smile and then take him in my mouth again as he gasps.This time I allow his fingers to lace in my hair as he tries to ride my face.I do the best I can not

to gag, but his desire overwhelms him and he pushes against me too hard a few times. 

 

I can tell he is caught up in the pleasure I am giving him as I go between sucking and licking his entire length and just the tip. 

 

I can see his legs shaking, so I focus on taking all of him in as I increase suction and speed.It doesn't take long before he pushes my head against him one last time as his seed spills down the back of my throat, making it so I have no choice but to swallow. 

 

I make sure to gently suck every last drop before gently releasing him, licking my lips and looking intohis eyes, which are half closed in ecstasy.

 

Kneeling in front of him I ask, "Will you release me now Daddy?"I look at him with soft, pleading eyes as I raise my hands towards him. 

 

I watch his eyes close and his body shudder before he drops to his knees and kisses me deeply, passionately. 

 

"Tell me I am enough for you."He says in between kisses as he unbinds my hands. 

 

"You have always been enough."I run my hands through his hair as he moans into my lips. 

 

"Will you grow tired of me like Erwin says you will and have with every other girl?"

 

He pulls back looking at me shocked.

 

I meet his gaze without judgement or accusation in my eyes. 

 

"Do you really think that?"He asks slightly hurt.

 

"I don't want to believe it, but I can't help being worried anymore than you can help being jealous of him."

 

His expressions softens at the truth of my words before pulling me against him.

 

"I could never grow tired of you.I can't even explain what you do to me half the time."

 

He kisses my hair and I wrap my arms around him hugging him. 

 

"Let's go back.I want to make love to you properly, now that I can think clearly."He blushed slightly."That was such a turn on though."

 

I smile and then kiss him."It was wasn't it."

 

We both stand and dress before helping each other with our gear and heading back to HQ. 

 

———————————

 

When we get back to the room Levi wraps his arms around me and kisses my ear. 

 

"I never asked you if you even wanted to be intimate when we got back."

 

"Well you did say that first day together that you wouldn't send me to bed horny again....". I look at him teasingly. 

 

"Tsk.Mouthy Stray."He turns me to face him before kissing me deeper. 

 

"You didn't seem to mind my mouth a few minutes ago."I bite his lower lip.

 

"You are so infuriating some times."He says with a smile before guiding me backwards to the bedroom.

 

When we get to the bed, Levi undresses me as he kisses every spot he exposes. 

 

I close my eyes enjoying the feel of his lips on my skin. 

 

"I love everything about you Lee."

 

I feel the rumble of pleasure that escapes his lips at my words and I smile.I feel so grateful I can affect him the way that I do,but I can't help feeling insecure that he won't tell me he loves me.I try to shake the feeling, focusing instead on the feel of him against my skin. 

 

The loneliness is hard to shake, and I find my thoughts wandering.

 

Sensing my shift in interest, Levi raises my chin forcing me to look into his eyes."What's the matter?"

 

There is no point to lie."It's hard loving you knowing you don't love me that's all."

 

My eyes begin to tear as I smile weakly at him.

 

"I never said I didn't love you."

 

"You never said you did.Everything you do suggests you do, but you never say it so I worry that I'm reading this completely wrong."

 

If I hadn't been so vulnerable, he probably would have teased me, but instead he just sighs and begins to undress me. 

 

I'm so desperate for his touch that I don't resist.When I am naked, he undressed as well and then pulls me down on top of him. 

 

I hadn't even realized he had gotten turned on, but the feeling of him entering me slowly, gently fills my soul at the same time it tears my heart apart.Tears begin spilling from my eyes as he sets the rhythm. 

 

After a moment he begins stimulating my clit as he increases the pace.As my pleasure mounts, and moans escape my lips, he sits up and wraps my legs around his waist. 

 

"Rhey.....". He says into my ear."I want you more than anything I have ever wanted in my life."

 

I look into his eyes with equal measures of pain and love as I grip the back of his head, my pleasure reaching its climax.

 

"Lee.... please....."

 

He thrusts a few more times before I dig the nails of one hand into his shoulder as I moan into his ear, my climax spilling over us both. 

 

Before I can pull away he pushes his lips against mine.When he releases me, he tangles his hands into my hair and looks into my eyes.

 

I see a tear roll from his eye as fear seems to cross his face.I kiss him, trying to comfort him, but my heart stops and I begin to sob uncontrollably as my brain tries to wrap around his next words.

 

"I.....I love you Rhey."

 

To Be Continued.......


	14. Desperation

I had wanted to hear it so desperately.Like every Levi fan girl, I had dreamed about it since the moment I first saw him, but as the words escaped his lips, all I felt was soul destroying anguish.

 

I had been so selfish.........so very very selfish. 

 

As the tears poured out of my eyes and my body wracked with sobs, I collapsed against his chest. 

 

Oh god I have to tell him.....

 

I could feel Levi wrap his arms around me and kiss my hair.

 

Please.......that only makes this harder.......

 

I tried to curl up smaller against him.My crying was so intense I could barely breathe in between sobs.I felt hollow. 

 

How did I let myself get so wrapped up that I forgot this probably wasn't going to last?Had I really forgotten or had I allowed myself not to care about it?

 

I closed my eyes tightly, knowing the second part was true.Once I had started falling in love, I ignored the fact that at any moment I could find myself back in reality where none of this existed. 

 

Did that make it ok to just keep loving "blindly"?It was like knowing Erwin was going to die but still falling in love with him just because you wanted to have that impact on him and having no desire to change his outcome. 

 

Was I so jaded and that desperate for validation that I was willing to love a man without telling him I could disappear tomorrow without so much as a goodbye?

 

In reality it was no different than dying out on a mission, minus the fact that he could just wake up and find me gone.Did I really care about that though?He loved me and wasn't that all I had wanted?

 

My thoughts continued to spiral out of control as we lay there, my sobs slowly subsided. 

 

I didn't want to look at him with the shame I felt right now, but I knew I had to. 

 

I rose slowly, letting my hand slide down his chest noting that he was still inside me. 

 

From this day forward, I will never waste another moment with him.

 

My eyes were filled with sadness as I lookedinto his."Levi....". My voice cracked and my lip quivered."I've wanted to hear that for so long." 

 

He sits up and pulls us backwards so he can lean against the headboard and be closer to me.Wrapping his arms around my waist he kisses my neck softly. 

 

"I'm sorry it took this long to say.I didn't realize it was affecting you this much."

 

I take his face in my hands and kiss his lips briefly before looking into his eyes."Levi.....what if.......what if I.......". I bite my lip as the tears well up in my eyes."......what if one day you......"

 

Suddenly his lips are on mine and I'm being pushed down onto my back."I won't let anything happen to you Rhey.....not now....not ever.....". His kisses deepen, becoming more demanding. 

 

I push back on his shoulders forcing him to break the kiss."What if there was nothing you could do?What if one day I was just......... gone?"

 

He looks at me with frustration and rising anger."Are you trying to tell me you are just going to up and leave me without saying anything?"

 

I sigh, knowing this was not going to be a fun conversation."No Lee I have absolutely no intention of voluntarily leaving you.There is nothing in this world that would entice me to leave you.That still doesn't change the fact that you or I could just be gone without the other even knowing."

 

He glared at me a moment longer before turning to look away."You sure know how to kill the mood."

 

"I'm sorry.I'm just scared."I move to the edge of the bed and rise, but Levi grabs my wrist.

 

"I thought nothing could make you leave."

 

"I'm not leaving.I just wanted to take a shower that's all.Try and clear my head a little."

 

He lets go of my wrist and so take two steps before turning around to face him. 

 

I'm not going to waste a moment.

 

"I'm scared Levi.I have wanted to be here in this moment, in this love with you for a very long time.I have never wanted to stay in a moment this badly ever.Now that I'm here, all I can think about is something tearing it apart and I'm left without you."

 

Tears well up in my eyes again and I clench my fists."I can't go back to living without you.I'd rather be dead than live without you."I look at him a second longer and then turn towards the shower.

 

—————————————-

 

I'd rather be dead than live without you.

 

Why would she say that.....why would she say any of that?

 

Something important was bothering her, but he didn't know what.He couldn't imagine what could have her so rattled that she would think he would stop loving or wanting her just because they had the possibility of dying.Everyone died, but he had a feeling this wasn't what that was about. 

 

Is she hinting that she wants to go back to Erwin?

 

Just the thought made him angry, but that didn't feel right either. 

 

He thought back to the day he first heard about her.Hanji had said she was found lying outside HQ in a broken down cart by one of the patrols wearing unusual clothing.She seemed to be in a deep sleep, though didn't seem injured. 

 

As far as he knew, no one had any idea where she came from.

 

Was she possibly referring to people from her hometown coming for her?If that was the case, why hadn't she said something sooner?

 

He couldn't wrap his head around any of this, but he was determine to find out one way or another.Until then....

 

——————————————-

 

Why did it hurt so much to be in love with him?Now that he admitted he loved her, it should be everything she had imagined it would be. 

 

I turned the water on a little warmer than it normally would be.I needed to feel alive, like this wasn't some figment of my imagination that would just go up in smoke. 

 

I had meant everything I said.Now that he loved me, I never wanted to go back to my old life.There was nothing but sadness and depravity there. 

 

I leaned my head back against the wall as the heartbreak washed over me.My body craves him more than ever before now that he might never touch it again.I could feel his hands all over my body and my heart felt like it was being stabbed with thousands of needles as my fingers traced the places he had touched not that long ago. 

 

I closed my eyes tightly."Levi.....please..." I whispered to the empty room moments before the bathroom door opened and Levi entered the shower, pulling me against him and kissing me.

 

"I don't know what you are hiding, but I do know if you don't let me help you and you disappear......I will NEVER forgive you." 

 

At that moment my world breaks. 

 

If you have never had desperation sex, it will be hard to understand the sheer intensity of emotions escaping me in the next moments. 

 

When the last word escapes his lips, I slam him against the shower wall, causing his head to hit the tile harder than I had intended.Pushing him down by his shoulders, I slide us both down the wall as I straddle him, pulling him effortlessly inside me as the water pours over our bodies. 

 

I take his hands and press his fingers into my ass as I set the pace, hard, deep, fast.I bite his neck and his ear, whispering seductively that I love him and want to fuck him until his mind goes blank.Fuck him until he has memorized every inch of my body.Fuck him until he wants nothing and knows nothing other than me. 

 

Our bodies succumb quickly, and I pull off of him only to go down on him. 

 

"Rhey.....mmnnnnnhhh." 

 

He is mine.I want him to want only me, to love, only me, to fuck and suck and lick and dream and die only for me. 

 

I am no longer rational.All I can think about is consuming him over and over.That is the thrall of desperate sex.It devours everything.It is raw and overwhelming, taking no prisoners. 

 

He doesn't resist me.He pulls my head up and down, digging his hands in my hair as I lick and nibble, suck and tug until his back arches and a soundless cry escapes his lips as he reaches climax again.

 

I can tell he is exhausted, and it takes all my remaining willpower to release him. 

 

He looks at me softly, raising a hand to my cheek. 

 

"I won't let you go.No matter what, I won't let you go."

 

I smile happily, the thrall dissipating instantly at his words before I lay down on the floor of the shower, curled up in his chest. 

 

We lay there until the water begins to get cold.By then, Levi has recovered enough to stand.We dry off and head back to the bed where we lay down in each other's arms.

 

"I love you more than life itself Levi."I squeeze him hard causing a small grunt to escape his lips.

 

"I love you too Rhey.That hasn't changed."He strokes my hair a moment before speaking again."I meant what I said though.I want you to tell me what's bothering you.....when you are ready.But it won't stop me loving you you til you do."

 

He kisses my hair and within moments we both fall into a dreamless sleep.

 

To Be Continued........


	15. Premonitions and Reality

The next morning I almost instantly wake up sick to my stomach.  Not the kind of sick that leaves you wondering about past life choices, but the kind of sick where you know down in the pit of your stomach that something at some point is going to happen and it isn't going to be good.  My stomach was in knots and my anxiety was in full swing.  I rolled over carefully and saw Levi was facing me still asleep.  Even though I felt 98% comfortable that what I was feeling had nothing to do with him, that 2% had me worried.  I still didn't know where in the story we were, if we were even IN the story.  For all I knew we were in some random ARC that had me flying by the seat of my pants.  I sighed knowing I would have to find that out today.

 

I stared at Levi a while longer before reaching out and brushing his cheek with my finger tips. 

 

You want me to tell you when I'm ready......but I don't know that I will ever be ready. 

 

Levi sighs in his sleep and I feel a tug at my heart.  He is so precious to me. 

 

I move my hand from his cheek to his hair as I slowly run my fingers through it.  It is soft and fine.  Touching it fills me with so many conflicting emotions both sexual and non-sexual.  I smile as I get so lost in my thoughts I don't notice his eyes have been open the smallest sliver this whole time gazing at me under hooded lashes. 

 

"I love you Levi."  I whisper thinking he isn't awake.

 

"I love you too Stray."  He whispers back as he wraps an arm around me pulling me on top of him so the length of my body rests on his.

 

"How long were you awake you devil?"  I giggle.

 

"Since you first woke up with that awful look on your face.  Is there something I need to know?"

 

I shake my head.  "No, I just can't help feeling like something awful is going to happen."  The smile leaving my lips as it is replaced with my lips in a straight line  and my eyes full of concern.

 

"No matter what, I'll take care of you.  Just don't do anything stupid while I'm not around." 

 

I sit up, straddling his hips as I look at him coyly and place a hand over my heart.  "No promises Captain."  I wink and he hums deep in his chest as he runs the fingertips of his hand from my navel to the hand I placed over my heart. His touch makes my skin tingle and I close my eyes enjoying the sensation.  When his hand reaches mine, he takes it and brings it to his lips to kiss. 

 

"You make it impossible to want to get up, you know that?"  He says with fake exasperation.

 

"That's a lie Captain you have a very easy time getting up when I'm around."  I lean down and kiss him deeply as I slip my tongue into his mouth. 

 

Levi moans against my lips as he places one hand on the back of my head and the other on my thigh.  "YOU are IMPOSSIBLE."  He grumbles in between kisses before rolling me onto my back so he can kiss down my neck.

 

"Mmmmmm can't we just stay like this forever Lee?"

 

"If I knew Erwin wouldn't come drag us both out or worse, sick Hange on us, I would say yes."  His lips kiss the length of my collar bone as I play with his hair.

 

"I guess we DO have responsibilities huh?"  My voice slightly sad.

 

"As far as I am concerned, the only responsibility you have is staying a moaning mess underneath or on top of me."  He positions his head at my breast and takes my nipple into his mouth quickly, running his tongue erratically over its surface before releasing it and blowing cold air gently over its surface.

 

I arch my back and whimper at the sudden shift from cold to warm to cold again.

 

"Exactly like that.You are a professional my dear."

 

I rest a hand on his chest, making sure it's below where he straps lay, and dig my nails into it as he continues to stimulate my breasts. 

 

"This is how I plan to wake up every morning.I'm sure you won't have a problem with that."

 

I bite my lip and shake my head as his hands move from my breasts, down my sides and over my ass, giving him purchase to slide my hips forward and the back, enveloping his erection in one swing. 

 

I gasp at the mixture of soreness and pleasure I feel all at once as my overworked walls submit to his girth.After last nights passion, it takes a little longer for my body to warm up to Levi's ministrations.He can see the mixture of sensations on my face, despite me trying to hide it.

 

"If you are sore just tell me.I'll go slow.The last thing I want is for this to hurt."

 

I run my thumb over his lower lip as I smile down at him and set the pace.Soon I begin to deepen the thrusts and increase the pace, which causes Levi to begin stimulating my clit as I ride him. 

 

My moans deepen as the pain vanishes and my pleasure increases.I take his free hand and place it on my breast as I increase the swing of my hips, rising and falling to the point where if I'm not careful he will slide out. 

 

I can tell I am getting close to climax, but Levi seems to be holdingback.With a grin on my face I lean down and whisper in his ear, "Lee......I want you to fuck my pussy so hard you come in my brain."Then I lick the rim of his ear as a primal moan escapes his lips as he flips us over and starts slamming into me, no longer desiring to hold back. 

 

I grab the frame of the bed on one hand, stimulating my clit with the other as I arch my back and he slams into my G-spot. 

 

"Mmmmmnnnhh LEVI!!!"

 

"His eyes close and his breaths are ragged.His fingers dig into me as I wrap my legs around him. 

 

"I'm close. Please.....mmmore." I whimper and he growls before slamming into me hard enough my head hits the headboard and my body wracks with waves of ecstasy as my orgasm tears through me. 

 

Two more pumps and he is twitching and panting as his body succumbs to the contracting of my walls as his own orgasm hits him. 

 

When we both recover enough to move, Levi lays down next to me and kisses me. 

 

"It makes me wonder how or why I ever woke up and started my day before you."He says as I nuzzle into his neck."Don't get too comfortable, we really should shower and head out."He steals a quick kiss before climbing out of bed. 

 

I groan, but follow reluctantly.  We shower and dress each other, stealing kisses and intimate touches as we go causing me to smile and almost forget the feeling at the pit of my stomach that won't go away.

 

"You know Lee I like being maybe the only person to know this side of you." 

 

"You better not tell anyone idiot."  He says tightening the cravat he gave me a little too tight for effect.

 

"It's our little secret I promise."  I say with a smile as I hold a finger to my lips while he glares at me. 

 

As is our routine, Levi walks me to Erwin's office, but this time Erwin calls us both in after I knock.  A sudden rush of fear washes over me as the tone of his voice is somber.

 

"Thank you both for coming in.  Please feel free to sit."

 

"Why don't you just tell us what you need Commander."  Levi says with a sharp look.

 

They lock eyes for a minute before Erwin responds.  "Very well.  Levi, I am sending you and Hange out on the 49th Exterior Scouting Mission.  Rhey will stay here and continue to assist me as well as hold down Hange's research in her place.  You will leave first thing tomorrow so make any preparations you need now."

 

The dread rises to my throat, but I still have no idea why.  I don't remember this expedition from the series, but my gut tells me whatever happens now begins the point of no return. 

 

I don't realize the two men are looking at me curiously until Levi touches my arm and I jump, a look of terror on my face. 

 

Levi gives me a questioning look and I shake my head before turning to Erwin.

 

"If there is no questions then you are dismissed Captain." 

 

"Tsk."  Levi looks at me one more time critically before turning and leaving.

 

I look at Erwin with mild trepidation.  "How can  I be of assistance Commander?"

 

"For now I want you to check in with Hange and see what needs to be done to take over her work while she is gone.  Her research is essential and I need everything in order in case she finds out anything on this expedition or happens to acquire any samples."

 

I salute and turn to leave.  I am one step away from

the door when Erwin addresses me. 

 

"If you find yourself lonely while the Captain is away, my door is always open Rhey."  His voice is satin, sensing shivers up my spine.  I turn to look at him, but his hands are writing and it his head down, making me wonder if I even heard him at all. 

 

I square my shoulders and walk out, closing the door behind me.


	16. Parting

As I turn the corner from Erwin's office, I am pulled against the wall and find myself face to face with a VERY unamused Captain.

 

"What the fuck was that look for in there when you zoned out?"

 

I blink quickly in an attempt to refocus and sort out some vaguely plausible answer.

 

"I'm sorry Lee It's just my stomach clenched and a sudden rush of fear for the better of me when he mentioned the expedition.  For the life of me I don't know why, but part of me feels like I should, like there is something I missed."

 

I chew my bottom lip as I look at him panic stricken. 

 

He stares at me with a gaze that feels like it is boring into my soul. 

 

"Lee I swarm I don't....."

 

"This isn't just about that.  He is doing this on purpose.  This expedition will take at least 3 days."  He backs away from me crossing his arms in front of himself as he kicks the wall.  "A lot can happen in 3 days."

 

I sigh.  "I will just have to keep busy with whatever Hange needs me to do."  I say matter of factly.

 

The anger in his eyes should have killed me on the spot.  "Please don't tell me you think that is going to fucking make a difference?"  He is going to have complete, unrestricted access to you for as long as I am gone.  I expect he will take complete advantage of that."

 

"He can't if I don't give him an opportunity."  My anger rising.

 

"He creates opportunity in everything.  Do you really think he will not interject himself anywhere and everywhere?  If your attempts to avoid him were any good he wouldn't have gotten one up on you as many times as he had so far."  Levi's fists are clenched and his body is rigid as he faces me, the venom in his voice getting thicker by the second.

 

I look at him critically for a moment before posing my question. 

 

"What is the real reason for all this hostility Levi?" 

 

He doesn't answer me at first, just stands there with clenched fists and a cold stare on his face.

 

Guess he needs a little coaxing. 

 

"Fine don't tell me and leave angry, but if something happens to me while I'm here and you are gone you will never forgive yourself.

 

I turn to walk away and am surprised he doesn't follow or try to stop me.  I try to shrug it off, but it gnaws at me the same way the feelings of forbidding do.

 

We have to sort this out.  There can't be lingering regrets. 

 

———————————-

 

"So while I'm gone I will need you to make a daily report of anything that happens with the samples over here, complete and submit to Erwin these reports daily here, make sure to water my babies, sit in as my representative during the Commanders meeting in two days directly after breakfast (please take copious notes), and make sure to give the lab a good once over if I am not back in 3 days!”She pats my shoulder hard as she gives her standard smile. 

 

“If there are any incidents, fill this form out and if there are any deaths fill this one out.”

 

“Anything else?”

 

“Nope don’t think so!Try not to have too much fun while I’m gone!”

 

I roll my eyes.“I’m not sure how I will contain my excitement.”

 

“You’ll be fine.Well I’m off to get ready!Everything for today will be taken care of so make sure to get rest!”

 

“Thanks Hange.I promise I won’t burn the place down.”

 

Then I turn to leave.It doesn’t seem like anything I can’t handle, but I just hope I don’t finish it too quickly and have a lot of free time. 

 

————————————-

 

Levi is having a full on angry conversation with himself when Hange catches him in the supply room packing for the expedition. 

 

“Why the fuck does she not understand?I made it perfectly clear........he will just.......and if I get back and.......FUCK!”

 

He turns and punches the support beam next to him as Hange sneaks up on him. 

 

“You might need those hands so I don’t recommend you abuse them like that.”

 

“Go away shitty glasses.”

 

“Don’t be like that shorty!!!!! We are gonna spend 3 whole days together.”

 

Levi rolls his eyes and continues packing.“Don’t remind me.I might just die of boredom before we leave.”

 

“Come on now Heichou it isn’t that bad!I know I’m not Rhey, but we can still have fun”

 

At the mention of her name, Levi glares death at Hange which makes her laugh. 

 

“It’s not like everyone doesn’t know already Captain.Besides, you couldn’t have hidden it even if you wanted considering your improved personality since being with her was a dead give away.”

 

Levi blushes and turns back to his packing.

 

“Besides I’m super excited for Levi babies!!!!!!”

 

“Go get eaten by a titan Hange.”Levi says as he throws the first bag to go in the wagon at her. 

 

“You can’t hide it Heichou!!!!! You want babies with Rheeeeeey!!!!”

 

“Goddamnit Hange SHUT THE FUCK UP!”This time he turns to her and his face is a mixture of anger and fear.

 

Hange’s eyes shoot open wide as lips clamp shut.They stand that way a moment before Hange reaches a hand out and placed it on Levi’s shoulder.

 

“On the plus side, I left her with a lot more work than I think she realizes so at least she will be busy, though I’m sure she will still think about you.” 

 

His face relaxes noticeably.“If you have enough time to run your mouth then why don’t you finish packing.”Levi hands Hange the bags before walking back in the direction of the barracks.He couldn’t leave like this and he needed to make sure he wouldn’t regret anything.

 

———————————

 

When he got to their room, she was at his desk reading with the door open.He leaned on the door frame and watched her a few moments, etching her into his memory.

 

“It’s nice to know you can at least enjoy my library while I am gone since I can’t leave you with much else.”

 

“It’s better than leaving me with your bad attitude.”I stare at him unamused as I hold my place in the book with my finger.

 

“Do you expect me to be happy about this situation?”Levi tries to keep him voice calm. 

 

“No but I do expect to spend my time with you loving you instead of fighting.Especially since I don’t know if you will even come back.”I look down at the book trying to keep the tears from my eyes. 

 

Levi walks up to me and takes my arm, pulling me into his arms wrapping then around me as he places his cheek against mine. 

 

“I’ll come back I promise.Just stay away from Erwin if you can.” 

 

I pull back and look into his eyes.“Of course I will.I love YOU.I’m also going to miss you a lot though.I’m so used to you being here that it’s going to be hard to not have you around.”

 

Levi strokes my hair with a sad look in his eye.“I love you too Rhey.I don’t want anything to happen to you while I’m not here.”

 

“I can promise I wont do anything stupid.”

 

He leans down and kisses me softly.I can feel how worried he still is as his kiss is slightly needy and possessive.

 

When we break apart I caress his cheek.“I’ll be here when you get done packing so don’t shirk what you need to do just to spend more time with me.”He smirks and a slight glint comes to his eye. 

 

“Oh you thought I came by just to spend time with you?I needed to pack extra clothes.” 

 

I punch him in the shoulder and he laughs briefly. 

 

“Do you need help packing?”

 

“If you help me, we will never get anything done.I also have a lot of paperwork to finish before heading out tomorrow.”

 

My eyes go wide.“Who is going to take care of your stuff while you are gone?”Concern laces my voice briefly.

 

“No one.Erwin never assigns me anyone seeing as he knows I dont really sleep anyway so I usually get it all done in a day or two when I get back.”There is no bitterness or blame in his voice when he says that. 

 

“Seriously!I’ll do it then.Just tell me what I need to do!”

 

“Hange already put a lot of work on you.I can’t have you do my share as well.”

 

I look at him sternly and set my lips in a straight line as I cross my arms over my chest.“Levi Ackerman!I’m gonna do your damn paperwork, now tell me what to do or not only will I wing it but I will leave this place a mess AND not leave you with a clean pair of clothes, sheets or towels when you get home.

 

I hold my ground as his eye twitches and a look of disgust crosses his face.“You drive a hard bargain you stubborn brat.” 

 

I smile in triumph.“I’ll take that as a compliment Captain.”

 

“I assure you it wasn’t, but if you insist I will tell you what needs to be done.Don’t overwork yourself, I’ll do whatever you don’t finish when I get home.”

 

We spent the rest of the day going over his workload and packing.When everything was complete and it was time for bed, I put on one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers, grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass and grabbed him by the hand. 

 

“Now its time for just us.Come with me for a bit.”

 

He raises an eyebrow but let me lead him through little known hallways and up stairs to a quiet, hidden spot on the roof. 

 

“How did you find this place?”He asked me skeptically. 

 

“You can’t be with me all the time, and sometimes I just want time to myself.”I shrug with an innocent smile before pulling him down to sit with me. 

 

“Besides, the stars here are beautiful.......just like your eyes.”

 

Levi turns to look at me, but I don’t meet his gaze.Instead I pour a glass and hands it to him.He takes a sip and then hands it back.I swirl it a few times before taking a long sip and then gaze at the sky. 

 

We don’t speak for a few minutes, just sit passing the wine between us before I sigh and break the silence. 

 

“Even though I am sure you will come home safe and I am worrying for no reason.....” I take his hand in mine “I promise to tell you what you want to know once you are back here with me.” 

 

The shock is evident on his face, but he doesn’t speak right away. 

 

“I won’t say I’m not scarred to death about it, but I trust you.”I squeeze his hand and he squeezes back.

 

I polish off the glass and pour another.My cheeks already feel warm and my mind a little groggy, but I lean into Levi as he wrapped an arm around me. 

 

I refuse to not enjoy the time we have left so until the bottle is gone, I don’t think about anything but him,and his lips on mine as my hands roam his chest and back.I need his warmth and his weight tonight.I don’t want to think what is going to happen or what could happen.I just want to believe it will always be like this, even if it can’t. 

 

To Be Continued..............


	17. Secret Time

"And here I thought you and I would have more time together with the Captain gone.  Instead, you take on his and Hange's work."

 

I was currently standing in Erwin's office getting eye fucked as I dropped off the first round of papers needing his approval.  I was frustrated to see how primal his attraction to me had become.  Clearly he had been suppressing it while Levi was around, because the aura of his desire radiated from him causing the whole room to feel electric.  I can't say it wasn't a turn on, because it most definitely was, but it was one I could withstand a few days. 

 

"If I had to guess...." Erwin stands and walks around his desk to stand next to me ".......I would say you were making it so you didn't have to deal with the fact that you still desire me."

 

I watched, frozen in place, as he tilted his head and moved his lips to my neck.  As his lips moved nearer, it felt like time slowed to a crawl.  Levi wasn't even gone 12 hours before I was faced with what I really felt about Erwin.

 

As his lips drew closer, I felt myself close my eyes.  Did I really still want to be with Erwin? Did I even love Erwin?

 

The instant before his lips made contact I stepped back out of my trance.  "I didn't come here to be sexually harassed by you.  I came to submit what I had completed thus far."  I put my hand out for him to take the paperwork and a sly smile crosses his lips.

 

"You know since you left.......I no longer seek the pleasure of anyone else.  You can even go ask Eren himself, though I'm sure you have heard how crestfallen he has been since I rejected him."  Erwin steps back to lean against his desk and watches my reaction.

 

"What you do with your sex life Commander is your business not mine."  I fill my voice with exasperation as I walk to the side of his desk and place the papers down, his gaze continues to follow me.

 

"It should be your business.  I still want you kitten and I intend to take you back."

 

Without thinking, I snapped back. "You will die before you get the chance."

 

As my brain began to process the error of my words, I turned and walked out.

 

—————————————

 

I spent the rest of the time Levi was gone without another incident from Erwin, though he had a telling smile on his face every time I stopped by to give him something which was incredibly irritating.  It was like he knew he had started plaguing my dreams.

 

For the last two nights I had had VIVID dreams of Erwin and I that left me panting, needy and feeling dirty each morning. 

 

Did I believe what he said?  Did I want to believe it?

My body told me it did and my mind told me it wanted to, but my heart wasn't convinced. 

 

It was true that Levi wasn't the lover Erwin was.  I had to be honest about that fact.  Where Erwin would coax my desire out of me building my pleasure over time and making successive orgasms something I begged for, Levi would essentially hit it full force, creating a large explosion of ecstasy that left me drained.  Rarely did we go more than once in a 4-8 hr span.  

 

I also had to be honest about the fact that Levi wasn't as emotionally fulfilling as Erwin was.  Erwin would always find ways to express his affections throughout the day.  He would also tell me how desirable I or parts of my body were during every private moment as well as during sex.  Levi rarely complimented me, though it wasn't like he complimented anyone.  He also only talked dirty, crassly or bluntly in bed, leaving me feeling less than satiated emotionally. 

 

So what was it that kept me with him?  What was it about him that made me want him and feel in love with him?

 

It was his........

 

The next thing I know the door to the office is being slammed open and Erwin is staring at me with a cold expression.  I can hear distant screams and the fear in my stomach threatens to make me vomit as it rushes up my throat suddenly.  Why doesn't this feel right?  This timeline feels wrong.

 

"Once you pull yourself together, I need you in the medical wing.  A Collossal titan just broke through the outer gate of the Trost District and the casualties are escalating as Titans swarm through the breach."

 

I nod in shock as my brain frantically tries to put the pieces together. 

 

"That means now Rhey."

 

"Right sorry."  I stand and walk towards Erwin as mixed emotions overwhelm me.  From what I remember this is just the beginning of a string of tragedies that will befall humanity.  The question is, can and/or will I stop then?  I am now a step away from Erwin as the switch flips inside me. 

 

Even if I can't I sure as hell am gonna try. 

 

I close the gap between us with a determined step and as he turns to leave with me, I grab his arm, pull him inside, push him up against the wall next to the door and drag him in for an intense kiss that is passionate, terrified, guilty, and needy.  I can't deny I want him, but right now he has to know I want and need him alive. 

 

Just as I feel his shock wear off, I pull away and look him dead in the eye.  "Don't fucking die out there you idiot."  Then I walk out into the chaos that I am determined to try and change. 

 

—————————————

 

It would later be told it was a week of pure hell before I saw Levi again.  In that time, when days ran together, I oversaw the treatment and disposal of our comrades in arms as the Titans ravaged the city.  I soon became numb to the names and faces I saw cross the medical tables.  I lasted on auto pilot with little food and sleep for 3 days before I collapsed myself and would be taken back to Levi's and my room to recover. 

 

When I finally awoke after a day later, I found myself   in a compromising position.  Not only was I naked and not alone in bed, I was also being watched over by the Commander himself who was seated in Levi's office chair that he had brought into the room as he sat quietly reading. 

 

At least until I began to rustle.  As soon as I opened my eyes and shifted to rise, an arm around my waist pulled me against Levi's naked body as Erwin set down the book and stood as if he intended to walk over and check on me ignoring the naked man behind me.

 

"As you can see Commander, she is awake now and in good hands so get the fuck out."  He pulled me against him tighter as his voice poured acid at Erwin. 

 

"Just because this is your quarters doesn't mean I do not have a right to be here Captain.  She was in my care......"

 

"AND I CAME HOME TO FIND HER PASSED OUT FROM OVER-EXHAUSTION SO YOUR CARE DAMN NEAR KILLED HER!"

 

I tear myself from Levi's grip as I step out of bed, not caring about being naked since both men have seen me undressed and knowing it would shut them up, and turn on Levi. 

 

"That isn't fair to say Lee, Erwin had his hands full with the attack while you were out there doing whatever it is you were doing.  He didn't have time to babysit me and we didn't have enough competent hands to handle the devastation."  I turn to the dresser and see Erwin shifting uncomfortably as he tried to look away from my nakedness.  I smile inwardly but show no reaction as I dress. 

 

"I exhausted myself trying to do too much.  If I hadn't agreed to take on more responsibility I would have been fine, I just stretched myself too thin is all."

 

Now completely dressed, I turn to both men.  "So does anyone wanna tell me what I missed so the next conversation we have I don't have to repeat anything?"

 

The two men look at each other then at me.  Over the next hour they recall the events that occurred ending with Eren's arrest and trial. 

 

As the events unfold in my mind, I fit in the pieces I know and see that though the timing is off, the timeline of events seems to be the same.  I sigh and close my eyes for a second before addressing the two men. 

 

"So I'm gonna need you both to keep your mouths shut and listen to what I am about to tell you.  Know the only reason I am choosing to tell you is, I'm having been with both of you intimately, despite Erwin's betrayal of my feelings, I know I can trust you both with my personal secrets."

 

I look at them both and they nod.

 

"As you may have guessed, I am not from this beautiful walled city.  What you don't know is that I am not even from this world as you know it nor am I from the future per se, though you may think so when I'm done.  As far as I can tell, I am from what is easiest to describe as a parallel world that has enough knowledge of your existence that I may be able to predict what is going to happen."

 

At this juncture I see Erwin open his mouth and I interject.  "I said shut up until I'm done."

 

He clamps his mouth shut and I continue. 

 

"For a while I was unsure if I would have any knowledge of this place or what would go on day to day.  Then as events unfolded, I realized that what I knew, could allow me to change the course of your futures.  I then began to agonize if I should let history run its course and deal with the guild as it came or if I should try to change it and attempt to improve humanity while I could."

 

I sigh heavily.  "I have no idea how much time I have here seeing as I don't know what brought me here to begin with.  I could wake up tomorrow back home in my world and never see any of you again.  I have decided, though, that I will do what I can to support you all and hope the knowledge I have doesn't completely destroy the very thing I hope to help protect." 

 

The room is silent a moment as the men struggle with the information I have given them.  "I am sorry if you both feel mislead.  It was not my intention as the feelings I harbor and have harbored for you both are COMPLETELY genuine.  If this alters how you choose to interact with me from this point on, I will accept that.  All I ask is you listen to what I know so I can help protect humanity in this time." 

 

I stand there a moment longer before Erwin speaks.  "I appreciate your honesty finally and I can see why you didn't say anything until now.  May I ask....did you know the titan would attack today."

 

"This and many other attacks are possible.  Without confirming the exact timeline, I had no way to

know for sure.  Now that I had a better grasp of this dynamic, I am 80% sure I can anticipate the next incident."

 

The two men look at each other and then back at me.

 

"That being said, I also know things that should be dealt with sooner rather than later.  The question is can they be?"

 

Then my stomach growls and a wave of nausea crashes over me as I sink to the floor.

 

"Rhey!"  The two men yell in conjunction as they try to scramble to me, but I wave them off.

 

"I need to eat.  Can the rest of this wait?  I can assure you nothing else I have to say will affect today's course of events."

 

Erwin nods.  "Yes please, go eat and then we can meet up later to discuss what else there might be."

 

"Thank you Commander."  I stand slowly and walk to the mess hall once I gain my bearings.

 

———————————-

 

"So........". Levi turns it Erwin after I leave.

 

Erwin raises an eyebrow but says nothing.

 

"Do you plan to tell her?"

 

Erwin blushes.  "How can I.  She is happy the way things are now.  Why complicate it for her?"

 

"You think she is truly happy?  Tsk.  You are an idiot Commander."

 

Erwin looks at Levi questioningly. 

 

"Well if you don't know I'm sure as hell  not gonna tell you."  He lays down on his back with an arm covering his face.  "Get out you overgrown idiot.  I'll bring her when she is ready."

 

"I won't let this jeopardize......"

 

"Just shut up.  I swear loving you both is far too painful."

 

Erwin's face scrunched up in sadness as he stood and walked over to Levi, bending down to stroke his cheek as a tear fell from Levi's eye. 

 

"We will figure this out.  Just the three of us."  Erwin said before turning to leave.

 

So many things had been done wrong.  The question is could they be made right or would they, and all humanity, go down in flames together?


	18. AOT the Soap Opera

I had stuffed myself for he point of bursting once I got downstairs to the mess hall.I was surprised Levi never came to join me, but I assumed he figured I would bring it back to the room. 

 

When I got back, he wasstill laying in bed on his back with his arm over his eyes.The mood felt off, so I went to sit next to him.Once I sat down, he lifted his hand and began playing with my hair. 

“Do you feel better now that you have eaten?”Levi said with an uncharacteristically somber tone. 

 

I sighed contentedly, “Yes I do thank you.You, however look like I stole and tortured your puppy.What’s the matter?”I reach down and caress his cheek as another tear falls from his eye causing me to frown.“Lee!What’s the matter?!”

 

I had no way to know that when I showed up here, I had ended up in a fangirl ARC until the secret was out.Though not completely surprised, because who doesn’t appreciate this kinda thing, I was more frustrated I hadn’t seen any signs. 

 

“Erwin and I had a “nice” talk while you were out cold.”

 

“Ok.Do you want to talk about it?”I take his hand and rub it’s back with my thumb.

 

“No.Not sure I have a choice though since that idiot probably won’t do it.”

 

I sit there attempting to be like Switzerland but knowing I’m about to get A-bombed. 

 

“About 2 months before you arrived, Erwin and I were in our 6th year together as a sexually active but below the radar couple.It was at that time that I found out he was fucking Eren on the side and doing some kinky shit.” 

 

Can you blame me for losing focus at this point and only being able to see all the amazing Eruri images out there and getting a little hot and bothered?I didn’t think so.Anyway, I attempt to prevent Levi seeing my eyes glaze over showing my lack of focus, but he saw.Fortunately all he seemed to think was that I was having a hard time processing the information as he squeezed my hand and looked at me with concern.*phew*.I squeezed his hand back and tried to give a weak smile, which seemed to work as he continued.

 

“I was beyond enraged.I felt completely betrayed by the man I had sworn my life and love to and swore I would return his “kindness”.Imagine how grateful I was to have you show up and provide me with a very attractive way to have him take it in the ass for once.Yes I found you attractive, but I had never planned on falling in love with you during this process.All I wanted was to use you to get back at him.”

 

I winced a little realizing I had been taken in a little bit but didn’t feel betrayed by Levi’s feelings for me.I knew he still loved me and had never taken advantage of my feelings. 

 

“It killed me to listen to him love on you the way he used to with me in private and then to see him be able to flirt with you in the open.....I spent as much time hating you as I did desiring you, even if the initial motives were tainted.”

 

Then he sat up and brought his hands to my face as his eyes took on a pleading look that broke my heart.“When you told me you loved me, with those genuine eyes and that intense emotion I love so much about you, it was like my world righted.I felt I could be happy again, especially since you were so adamant about not going back to him.Part of me knew you probably wanted to, but I pushed that aside wanting to only focus on loving you the way I was never able to love Erwin.”

 

Levi put his forehead on mine as he stroked my cheeks.“Then I came home and found you collapsed......I wanted to kill him.He was supposed to take care of you and he didn’t.I knew I couldn’t trust him with my heart but I could with my body and soul.To find out I couldn’t trust him with yours infuriated me.I went to his office with my knife concealed and tried to kill him.Yet again, I failed.That is when we sat down and talked.”

 

Then Levi kissed me desperately as he looked in my eyes for something that he wasn’t finding.I placed my hands on his in an attempt to reassure him, which seemed to work as he began talking again.“He is in love with you Rhey.Yes he has been laying on the charm, but he is genuinely in love with you.It sickens me to think about because he doesn’t have that same depth of feeling with me.He says he still loves me, but he isn’t in love with me.He won’t tell you though because he feels you are happy and doesn’t want to complicate things.I told him he was being dumb but didn’t elaborate because I knew you still had feelings for him.I just can’t bear losing you to him.Watching the only two people I have ever loved falling in love with each other and abandoning me is more than I can take.” 

 

The tears begin to fall from his eyes and I pull him against me.“Lee....even if he does love me that doesn’t explain Eren or the girl.I can’t just forgive that and say let’s go back to loving each other and fucking.”

 

“He said it was the continuation of a self sabotage attempt. When he started fucking Eren it was because Eren came onto him when he came into his office one day and his face “landed on his dick”.He was young and firm and passionate about wanting Erwin, unlike me.I had always been more reserved in my affection, allowing Erwin to dominate me.Imagine the turn on after 6 years when a young subordinate wants to boss you around and be kinky?Especially when that boy starts bringing in other people?Before Erwin knew it, Eren was getting jealous of you since Erwin wouldn’t include you in their fun.It got to the point where Eren said if he didn’t either get rid of you or include you, he would make Erwin’s life hell.”

 

He gave a weak smile to me.“That’s when Erwin gave me the address and told me to give it to you so you would see it and create a scenario that would force Eren out.What Erwin hadn’t planned on was you taking it as hard as you did and running into my arms.If anything, he thought you would get possessive and deal with Eren.When you didn’t, he tried to force you to interact with him and remember how much you wanted him and not me.”

 

“In the beginning it made me happy because he finally got to see how I felt.Then I realized I loved you more than I had loved him and became afraid you would go back.” 

 

He goes silent for a moment.

 

“Now he is terrified of losing you, but will not confess his true feelings choosing instead to try to woo you properly this time knowing full well how we feel about each other.”

 

“I realize now is not the time to be talking about love after such a horrible attack, but he wants an answer to his question earlier as well as have you tell him what you know.I can’t risk you going there not knowing how I feel.....”

 

He kisses me gently and takes my hands. 

 

“I will not give you to him.......but I will share you if I have to.Just tell me you still love me and that this isn’t a sham.”

 

I don’t know that I would have ever been prepared to be told my two hottest crushes potentially wanted to share me.My mind literally went blank as Levi continued to talk. 

 

“Why don’t we see what Erwin wants and then go from there.No sense jumping to conclusions.”I pull him into my arms and kiss him.“Let’s go see what he wants and we will cross the other bridges as we come to them.”

 

He nods, with a small amount of sadness still in his eyes.

 

“I love you Levi and I want to be with you.My trust is not a toy, however.Erwin can want me until all the titans are dead, but that won’t matter if there is no trust.”

 

Levi smiles wider and pulls me down on the bed to lie in his chest.“Can we stay like this for a moment before we go?”

 

“I’m fine with that, but can you keep your hands to yourself?”I tease. 

 

“This time I will make an exception.I just want to feel your reckless ass next to me.Just know if you pull this shit again I will kill you my damn self.”

 

“I’d like to see you try.”I stick out my tongue, which he capturesplayfully with his lips. 

 

“You are just looking for a punishment aren’t you?”

 

“Least it won’t be kinky?”I smile sheepishly and he laughs. 

 

We would stay like that for a while longer before heading to Erwin’s office to give my report. 

 

To Be Continued.........


	19. Together Again

When I enter Erwin's office and our eyes lock, I am stunned by the change in his demeanor.  There is no longer that haughty, over sexualized, charm radiating from him.  He just looks at me, almost lacking all feeling, as he thanks me for coming. 

 

Levi and I take our seats after locking the door and I begin the process of recapping what I know.  I tell them about Annie/Bertholdt/Reiner and Zeke, Historia and the Reid's family secrets, Kenny and Mikasa, Eren's abilities and the history of the real world, and finally about the items in Eren's father's basement.  I choose to leave out Erwin's injury and eventual death figuring I will see what the knowledge I gave them does. 

 

The two men are shocked, completely unprepared for all of the events I have relayed in detail. 

 

"So as you can see between me and the things I have told you, the world you know is much bigger than you have been lead to believe and there are a lot of forces attempting to repress your ability to thrive.  Regrettably I have neither the intellect nor the resources to provide you with weapons to combat the titans, but the knowledge I gave you can provide you a head start in creating defenses."

 

Erwin puts his elbows on his desk as he interlaces his fingers and rests them against his lips.

 

"I appreciate you sharing all of this with us.  It gives me a lot to think about, though I think we should investigate the Reiss household and deal with her father in a way that does not link suspicion to us.  We also need to obtain any information they have about our history."

 

He turns to Levi.  "Can I leave that to you?"

 

"I doubt you could leave it to anyone else.  It will also give me a chance to get the jump on Kenny." 

 

"Good.  While you do that, I will be working on improving our defenses and..."

 

"That leaves me to manage all the paperwork and research.........I think I'm gonna need a bigger office."

 

The two men look at each other and then at me. 

 

"She can't come with me anyway.  The risk is too great and she hasn't fully recovered."  Levi states calmly.

 

"You can use my office.  My seal is in here anyway and I give you authorization to use it as you see fit.  I doubt I'll spend much time in here." Erwin adds.

 

"It's settled then.  If either of you need anything else from me in regards to what I said today I expect you to let me know."

 

I stand up.  "I assume you two have some things to discuss so I'll be on my way."  I turn and leave the office.  I have somewhere I want to go.

 

——————————

 

"I won't let her overwork herself.  I can't have you worrying about her during such a crucial mission.  I need you focused."

 

"And I needed you to love me the way you love her, but you didn't.  It sucks when we don't get what we want."

 

"Levi......."

 

"Don't bullshit me.  The question is why did you do the same thing to her and the entire time no less?  You lied to her from the beginning.  She didn't deserve that any more than I did."

 

"I didn't want to get involved with Eren.  I tried to tell you that, he was just so insistent and then the next thing I knew he had me in a compromising position and it happened......". Erwin's voice becomes more and more frustrated.

 

"Over and over and over.  Did it never occur to you that I would have done those things if you had asked me?  I would have done anything for you.  I was so in love with you that it made my body ache."

 

Erwin's eyes go wide.  "Levi I......I'm sorry.  I thought you would think less of me.  You never seemed interested in doing anything different and you never wanted to instigate anything.  It was always me taking from you."

 

"BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO DO ANYTHING ELSE!!!!  You were so intimidating being the shitty romantic you are that I never felt good enough.  I tried so many times to do nice things to tell you I loved you, but I never went through with them."

 

He stands up and walks over to Erwin.  "But if it is one thing I have learned from that reckless woman it is to defend what you love and believe in and NEVER sacrifice yourself for any reason."

 

Levi is now standing in front of Erwin, who has rotated his chair to face him.  "Don't be stupid while I'm gone.  I'm still madly in love with you you fucking idiot."  Then Levi straddles Erwin and grabs the back of his head to pull him into a desperate and passionate kiss. 

 

Erwin is taken completely off guard until Levi unbuttons and removes his shirt before kissing down his neck.  "I'll make you completely forget about that brat and want no other man but me."  Levi rakes his nails down Erwin's chest as he bites his neck. 

 

"Mmmm Levi...."

 

"I've missed you Erwin and I intend to show you how much."

 

"What about Rhey?"

 

"She won't mind.  Why do you think she left?"

 

Erwin pushes Levi up so he is at arms length.  "She knows?"

 

"I don't keep secrets from her, unlike you.  It's called respect.  You should try it sometime."  Then Levi leans down to lick the outside of Erwin's ear as he runs his hand down his chest to the buckle of his pants.

 

"You are as beautiful as I remember Commander.  I can almost taste you just looking at you as I remember what it was like to suck you dry over and over again."

 

One of Erwin's hands reaches up to intertwine with Levi's hair as the other grabs his hip and digs into the soft flesh. 

 

"Do you remember what it was like to want me Commander?"  Levi's lips grab Erwin's as he undoes Erwin's pants.  "Take me into the bedroom so I can fuck you properly."

 

Erwin's grabs Levi's hips and rises to carry him into the bedroom.  When they get to the bed, Levi slides down his body, quickly removing Erwin's pants from his ass before pushing him onto the bed and removing his boots and pants entirely. 

 

"Don't move."  Erwin watches as Levi strips naked before  him.  He had never seen Levi be this assertive and it definitely turned him on.

 

Naked, Levi walked to the bed, licked his lips seductively and then bent ever to take all of Erwin in his mouth. 

 

A loud moan escaped Erwin's lips as Levi sucked and licked Erwin's shaft lazily, covering it with saliva before releasing it with a grin.  "I'm not your bitch this time Commander."  Then in the next instant Levi mounted Erwin and sheathed all of his length into his ass crying out in pain and pleasure as the sickeningly sweet memories of night after night love making flooded back to Levi. 

 

"God.......Levi.....You feel tighter than I remember.  You feel amazing."  With little coaxing, Erwin began meeting Levi's rhythm, bucking into him now and again so he could slam into his prostrate and elicit a mewling cry from his ravens lips.......his raven.  

 

He had lied to himself about how much he missed Levi.  After Eren had interfered, he had done everything he could to separate himself from his feelings for Levi.  It seemed the easier thing to do......easier than taking responsibility and dealing with the man he had desperately loved for 6 long years.  Now, as Levi rode him, he was reminded of what that love had felt like. 

 

Grabbing onto Levi's hips, he pulled the smaller man up and down, driving himself deeper and deeper into his perky little ass.  "Levi......". Erwin grabbed the back of his lovers head and pulled him in for a kiss that was greedy and brutal.  It was a kiss of starvation, of deprecation and of deep seated passion.  It spoke to all the nights he had lost sleep because his body craved something it couldn't have.

 

Levi dug into Erwin's shoulders as his cries tore through his lips.  "How dare you try to take control from me."  He growled into the nape of Erwins' neck. 

 

"I can't help it, I missed you so damn much and you feel amazing."  Erwin then took Levi's shaft

in his hands and began jacking him off to the same rhythm Levi was fucking him. 

 

"Mmmm.  Do you want me to cum for you Commander because I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out."

 

Erwin kisses Levi again before bringing his lips to Levi's ear.  "Cum for me Captain.  I want to see the love that only you can give me."  Then with a few final strokes of his shaft, Levi throws his head back as Erwin bites his neck and he shudders, his orgasm rocking his body.  Within moments Erwin's follows.

 

When the ecstasy subsided, Erwin lays them on their side and slowly pulls out of his beloved Captain.  Looking at him closer, Levi curls up against him and he sees that he has changed.  Levi is no longer the emotionally frail young man he had met so many years ago. 

 

"It looks like she did wonders for both of us."  Erwin stayed quietly.

 

"As much as I hate to give her credit, she did.  The question now is how do we all fit together and where the hell do we all go from here?"

 

To Be Continued.........


	20. Breaking Up

There was one place I could always go when the world fell apart.One place where I could block out all the bullshit, disappointment and self doubt and just exist without judgement or preconceived notions.That’s where I was headed now. 

 

I wasn’t stupid.I knew what was going to happen as soon as I left those two alone.I also knew that there was a good chance my love story ended here.Was I heart broken?To an extent, but I didn’t really belong here so I would just shove my feelings aside, do what I could to finish out the story and figure out a way home.Least that is what I should do, but my heart hurt .My body hurt.My soul hurt.All I wanted was the unconditional love of someone, something and there was only one

place I could get it. 

 

I have always been amazed that no matter what stable I walked into the innate smell of horse remains the same and right now I am forever grateful that as soon as that smell hits, my mind shuts down and refuses to deal with anything but what’s right in front of me. 

 

There are plenty of horses to choose from, so I walk slowly stall to stall until I find a large bay gelding whose built slightly like a tank and smile.Reminds me of my big man back home.I wonder how he’s doing....

 

Then there is a nose in my face and I laugh.“Sorry.Was I not paying enough attention to you?My apologies.” The horse snuffles a moment as if in exasperation and I grab his halter and bring him out. 

 

It doesn’t take me long to brush him down and tack him up, or at least it doesn’t feel like it.Before I know it, I have mounted and we are walking down the main road towards the gates of town.I don’t really have a destination in mind, I just want to be as far away from the things I can’t have as possible.Just thinking of Levi and Erwin creates a grief stricken longing in the pit of my soul.What I wouldn’t give to still be able to love them more actually BE LOVED by them. 

 

I sigh letting the thought fly out of my mind as I focus back on my moment of solitary freedom.By the time we get to the gate that leads outside, we are both antsy to run.Stopping at the gate, my mount piaffe’s in place. 

 

“Afternoon Rhey.”

 

“Afternoon.I need to run the wall for a bit.Think you could open it for me and keep a look out?I want to run to the next gate and maybe back.Need a change of scenery.”

 

“Should be alright.There hasn’t been any trouble since the last attack and it might increase moral if we stepped outside and assigned everyone’s fears.”

 

“I appreciate it.”

 

The the gate opened enough for us to trot out and stop as the gate closed behind us. 

 

——————————

 

For the first time in what felt like forever, Levi’s heart was full.He hadn’t realized how empty it had been since he and Erwin split and now that they were at least on the same page, he felt whole again.He was also surprised at how good it felt to be assertive with the man he loved.Erwin’s responses to his advances had been everything he had hoped when he used to fantasize about it and he kicked himself for not having the balls to try being that way then. 

 

Now he needed to find Rhey and talk with her about everything, including this new mission which would have him gone much longer then he wanted. 

 

The question he kept asking himself, however, was, was he sad about leaving her, Erwin or both?What were his feelings for Rhey now that Erwin and he had admitted to still loving each other?He knew he respected the hell out of her, but was he actually in love with her as he thought or had she just taken up the feelings he had held aside in hopes Erwin would come back to him?

 

Before he came to an answer, he was back at their room.Opening the door, he was surprised to find the office and his room empty.If she wasn’t here, where was she? 

 

He tried the mess hall, the library, the training grounds, Hange’s office, the kings court, and the market but there was no sign of her.Normally he wouldn’t worry, but with the way events had played out today he got the feeling she had done something incredibly foolish.It wasn’t until he turned to head back from the market that he heard her voice behind him.

 

“Need a lift Captain?”

 

He turned and looked at her in surprise as she reached a hand down and took her foot out of the stirrup so he could mount behind her. 

 

Once he was settled behind her, he grumbled a reply.“I never knew you knew how to ride.”

 

“Neither you nor Erwin really bother to find out much about me now that I have taken stock of everything that has happened since I arrived.”Her tone and matter of fact assessment startled him, leaving him slightly ashamed.“Is it safe to say your reunion with Erwin went well?”

 

“It did.I came to find you as soon as it was over so we could talk.”

 

“We have nothing to talk about Captain.You are finally back with your long time lover and I have made the choice to figure out a way to get home.It’s a win win for everyone that leaves no room for distractions.” 

 

“Do you mean to tell me you are just abandoning the time and feelings we have shared with each other?”

 

“On the contrary Captain.I am plagued by thoughts of that every second, but I also know when I am no longer wanted and when I have just been a placeholder for someone or something else.Your reaction when you saw me just now confirmed it.There was no passion or love in your eyes.I am just a friend whom you happen to have been intimate with, but are hoping things can continue without too much drama.” 

 

Having arrived back at the stable Levi is jolted from his response by the sudden halt of the horse underneath him making him realize he needs to dismount.Once they are both on the ground.Rhey hands the horse over to a stable hand before walking back to HQ. 

 

“I am headed to Erwin’s office now to request my own room.When he grants it, I will be moving everything and plan to be out of your office by the end of the day.If he doesn’t grant it, I will look for a place in town.”

 

Levi watched her leave utterly speechless.How could she presume to know his feelings and decide to cut all ties as easily as drawing a knife through butter?After being stunned in place for a few minutes, he shakes himself off and storms back to Erwin’s office ready to give her a piece of his mind.

 

He arrived just as Rhey was making her request. 

 

“I’m am requesting my own room. Given recent developments I find myself in need of my own personal space.....”

 

The door to Erwin’s office opens and slams aggressively as Levi storms in.“Like hell you do!” 

 

“I don’t think you get to make that decision for me Captain.If I feel I need new living arrangement due to a conflict of interest I am entitled to make that request.”My voice is cold and I look at him with hard eyes. 

 

“I take it this is directly related to Levi’s and my reconciliation?”

 

“That is correct.Since I am no longer in a relationship with either of you, I am requesting my own space so I can pursue my own endeavors.”

 

Somehow Erwin keeps a straight face, but Levi isn’t as composed. 

 

“What the hell do you mean we aren’t in a relationship?Of course we are!”

 

“You can’t be in a relationship with both of us and I know how you feel about Erwin so I’ve made the decision for us.I am no longer interested in being in either of your lives intimately.This way you can concentrate on repairing what you two truly want between you too and won’t have me to worry about.I also will not be an occasional piece of ass strung along in a fake relationship.I deserve a dedicated partner who will love me and not always be thinking of someone else when we are together.”

 

“Who the fuck said that would be the case!”Levi growls.

 

“No one said it wouldn’t.”

 

“What kind of fucking stupid ass logic is that?”

 

I sigh.“Well if it’s wrong what do you two want?”I look at Levi whose mouth is open in frustration and confusion and then Erwin who is sitting stoically in his chair taking it all in. 

 

When no answer comes I reiterate myself.“My point exactly so......my new room if you please Commander.”

 

“I will grant your request on one condition.”

 

“What is that.”I attempt to show no emotion.

 

“You give us time to give you a proper answer.I can not deny my love for Levi, but at least I know without a doubt I am also in love with you.I see both things to be exclusive with the potential to overlap on occasion, but I want to make sure we can all come to a consensus.I don’t want to lose either of you.”

 

“I accept.”

 

“Good.”He scribbles does something on a piece of paper.“Here is your new room.I will let you know when we have come to an agreement that we can present to you for consideration.In the mean time we will not unnecessarily invade your privacy unless you allow it.”

 

“I appreciate that.”I walk up and take the paper from him and turn to leave without making eye contact with Levi.I can feel my heart braking and the only resolve I have is held together by looking at a random spot on the wall down the hallway. 

 

To Be Continued...........


	21. Breaking Up

There was one place I could always go when the world fell apart.  One place where I could block out all the bullshit, disappointment and self doubt and just exist without judgement or preconceived notions.  That's where I was headed now. 

 

I wasn't stupid.  I knew what was going to happen as soon as I left those two alone.  I also knew that there was a good chance my love story ended here.  Was I heart broken?  To an extent, but I didn't really belong here so I would just shove my feelings aside, do what I could to finish out the story and figure out a way home.  Least that is what I should do, but my heart hurt.My body hurt.  My soul hurt.  All I wanted was the unconditional love of someone, something and there was only one

place I could get it. 

 

I have always been amazed that no matter what stable I walked into the innate smell of horse remains the same and right now I am forever grateful that as soon as that smell hits, my mind shuts down and refuses to deal with anything but what's right in front of me. 

 

There are plenty of horses to choose from, so I walk slowly stall to stall until I find a large bay gelding whose built slightly like a tank and smile.  Reminds me of my big man back home.  I wonder how he's doing....

 

Then there is a nose in my face and I laugh.  "Sorry.  Was I not paying enough attention to you?  My apologies." The horse snuffles a moment as if in exasperation and I grab his halter and bring him out. 

 

It doesn't take me long to brush him down and tack him up, or at least it doesn't feel like it.  Before I know it, I have mounted and we are walking down the main road towards the gates of town.  I don't really have a destination in mind, I just want to be as far away from the things I can't have as possible.  Just thinking of Levi and Erwin creates a grief stricken longing in the pit of my soul.  What I wouldn't give to still be able to love them more actually BE LOVED by them. 

 

I sigh letting the thought fly out of my mind as I focus back on my moment of solitary freedom.  By the time we get to the gate that leads outside, we are both antsy to run.  Stopping at the gate, my mount piaffe's in place. 

 

"Afternoon Rhey."

 

"Afternoon.  I need to run the wall for a bit.  Think you could open it for me and keep a look out?  I want to run to the next gate and maybe back.  Need a change of scenery."

 

"Should be alright.  There hasn't been any trouble since the last attack and it might increase moral if we stepped outside and assuaged everyone's fears."

 

"I appreciate it."

 

The the gate opened enough for us to trot out and stop as the gate closed behind us. 

 

——————————

 

For the first time in what felt like forever, Levi's heart was full.  He hadn't realized how empty it had been since he and Erwin split and now that they were at least on the same page, he felt whole again.  He was also surprised at how good it felt to be assertive with the man he loved.  Erwin's responses to his advances had been everything he had hoped when he used to fantasize about it and he kicked himself for not having the balls to try being that way then. 

 

Now he needed to find Rhey and talk with her about everything, including this new mission which would have him gone much longer then he wanted. 

 

The question he kept asking himself, however, was, was he sad about leaving her, Erwin or both?  What were his feelings for Rhey now that Erwin and he had admitted to still loving each other?  He knew he respected the hell out of her, but was he actually in love with her as he thought or had she just taken up the feelings he had held aside in hopes Erwin would come back to him?

 

Before he came to an answer, he was back at their room.  Opening the door, he was surprised to find the office and his room empty.  If she wasn't here, where was she? 

 

He tried the mess hall, the library, the training grounds, Hange's office, the kings court, and the market but there was no sign of her.  Normally he wouldn't worry, but with the way events had played out today he got the feeling she had done something incredibly foolish.  It wasn't until he turned to head back from the market that he heard her voice behind him.

 

"Need a lift Captain?"

 

He turned and looked at her in surprise as she reached a hand down and took her foot out of the stirrup so he could mount behind her. 

 

Once he was settled behind her, he grumbled a reply.  "I never knew you knew how to ride."

 

"Neither you nor Erwin really bother to find out much about me now that I have taken stock of everything that has happened since I arrived."  Her tone and matter of fact assessment startled him, leaving him slightly ashamed.  "Is it safe to say your reunion with Erwin went well?"

 

"It did.  I came to find you as soon as it was over so we could talk."

 

"We have nothing to talk about Captain.  You are finally back with your long time lover and I have made the choice to figure out a way to get home.  It's a win win for everyone that leaves no room for distractions." 

 

"Do you mean to tell me you are just abandoning the time and feelings we have shared with each other?"

 

"On the contrary Captain.  I am plagued by thoughts of that every second, but I also know when I am no longer wanted and when I have just been a placeholder for someone or something else.  Your reaction when you saw me just now confirmed it.  There was no passion or love in your eyes.  I am just a friend whom you happen to have been intimate with, but are hoping things can continue without too much drama." 

 

Having arrived back at the stable Levi is jolted from my response by the sudden halt of the horse underneath him making him realize he needs to dismount.  Once we are both on the ground.  I hand the horse over to a stable hand before walking back to HQ. 

 

"I am headed to Erwin's office now to request my own room.  When he grants it, I will be moving everything and plan to be out of your office by the end of the day.  If he doesn't grant it, I will look for a place in town."

 

Levi watched me leave utterly speechless.  How could I presume to know his feelings and decide to cut all ties as easily as drawing a knife through butter?  After being stunned in place for a few minutes, he shakes himself off and storms back to Erwin's office ready to give me a piece of his mind.

 

He arrived just as Rhey was making her request. 

 

"I'm am requesting my own room.   Given recent developments I find myself in need of my own personal space....."

 

The door to Erwin's office opens and slams aggressively as Levi storms in.  "Like hell you do!" 

 

"I don't think you get to make that decision for me Captain.  If I feel I need new living arrangement due to a conflict of interest I am entitled to make that request."  My voice is cold and I look at him with hard eyes. 

 

"I take it this is directly related to Levi's and my reconciliation?"

 

"That is correct.  Since I am no longer in a relationship with either of you, I am requesting my own space so I can pursue my own endeavors."

 

Somehow Erwin keeps a straight face, but Levi isn't as composed. 

 

"What the hell do you mean we aren't in a relationship?  Of course we are!"

 

"You can't be in a relationship with both of us and I know how you feel about Erwin so I've made the decision for us.  I am no longer interested in being in either of your lives intimately.  This way you can concentrate on repairing what you two truly want between you too and won't have me to worry about.  I also will not be an occasional piece of ass strung along in a fake relationship.  I deserve a dedicated partner who will love me and not always be thinking of someone else when we are together."

 

"Who the fuck said that would be the case!"  Levi growls.

 

"No one said it wouldn't."

 

"What kind of fucking stupid ass logic is that?"

 

I sigh.  "Well if it's wrong what do you two want?"  I look at Levi whose mouth is open in frustration and confusion and then Erwin who is sitting stoically in his chair taking it all in. 

 

When no answer comes I reiterate myself.  "My point exactly so......my new room if you please Commander."

 

"I will grant your request on one condition."

 

"What is that."  I attempt to show no emotion.

 

"You give us time to give you a proper answer.  I can not deny my love for Levi, but at least I know without a doubt I am also in love with you.  I see both things to be exclusive with the potential to overlap on occasion, but I want to make sure we can all come to a consensus.  I don't want to lose either of you."

 

"I accept."

 

"Good."  He scribbles down something on a piece of paper.  "Here is your new room.  I will let you know when we have come to an agreement that we can present to you for consideration.  In the mean time we will not unnecessarily invade your privacy unless you allow it."

 

"I appreciate that."  I walk up and take the paper from him and turn to leave without making eye contact with Levi.  I can feel my heart braking and the only resolve I have is held together by looking at a random spot on the wall down the hallway. 

 

To Be Continued...........


	22. Be With Me

I hadn't anticipated removing my things from Levi's room would hurt this bad.I couldn't stop crying.I loved his smell, the obsessive orderliness of his room, the quiet serenity of its solitude.Most of all, I loved him.It was undeniable.Part of me knew I was being a spoiled child, but I was hurt deeply.Thinking that I was so easily replaced even in this world was soul crushing. 

 

Within 2 hours my stuff was out of his room and into my new one.As I put the last few articles away, I sat on the bed and held my head in my hands."What now?" 

 

I felt sick to my stomach.I didn't want to leave the room, but I didn't want to stay either.I had a feeling I was gonna spend a lot of my free time running the wall, finding salvation in the only love that couldn't be taken from me or break my spirit. 

 

—————————

 

If there was one thing that would never change, it was the trust Levi had in Erwin when it came to strategy.He didn't like the way events had unfolded, but he was in agreement with Erwin's plan.In talking after she left, they both agreed.They could love each other and Rhey.Levi was actually surprised at how adamant Erwin was about loving her.....and him. 

 

It wasn't that Levi didn't love her.He just was so caught up in having Erwin back, his love for her had taken a back seat.He knew it wasn't fair to her.He couldn't change how he felt though, and there had been no way for him to know Erwin's reaction until things unfolded so there was no way to soften the blow.

 

He chewed his lip as he walked back to his room.He wasn't sure how this was going to work, but he was willing to give Erwin's plan a try.

 

—————————

 

Erwin knew she would accept his terms.She was a logical and respectable woman despite her current hostility.He knew she was hurt, but he also knew if she was hurt it was because she cared.Now all he had to do was wait. 

 

The hard part was getting Levi to understand his need of her.He really did still love Levi, but Levi could never submit to him like she had.Levi never showed strength AND weakness, love AND lust, confidence AND insecurity within blinks of each other.Being with Levi was like being with a hostile, sharp, domineering version of himself.They thought and acted in similar ways where Rhey brought a vibrant life to everything.He was amazed, having been with her, Levi never learned her true beauty.His worry now was, would Levi be able to share?Erwin needed Rhey more than he needed Levi and it would be a problem if he ever came to realize that. 

 

———————————

 

I was glad Erwin hadn'tasked me to help him the rest of the day.I wasn't in any shape to help either of them.  All I wanted now was .........no......I couldn't have that.  Even though I wanted it I couldn't .......then there was a knock at the door. 

 

Sighing in emotional exhaustion I walk up to the door and open it.  To my surprise, Erwin and Levi are there. 

 

"May we come in?"

 

I leave the door open and walk towards the couch.  "I'm assuming you are giving me your proposal?"  I say as blankly as possible. 

 

"That's correct." Erwin walks over and sits down on the other side of the couch not attempting to move towards me, but sitting in the corner so he faces me.  Levi then moves to lean/sit on the armrest of the couch next to Erwin. 

 

"Have you noticed that two doors in your room do not open without a key?"

 

"I noticed, but ignored it since I had enough room for my stuff that I didn't need to revisit them."

 

"I see.  Well those rooms open with this key...." he takes a key out of his pocket and places it on the cushion.  "......which opens both doors from this side.  On the other side of each door is another room like this one."

 

I raise an eyebrow.

 

"I propose we all live together, but separated from you.  You will control who can come in and who can't as you will stay in this middle room.  I realize you feel like you don't want either of us, and maybe you don't, but, speaking for myself, it has been torture not having you with me.  I do love you and even find myself in love with you.  I want you back with me and I don't see any reason why Levi should get in the way of that."

 

I cross my arms over my chest.  "And what about you Captain?"

 

"I agree with the idea.  I too have feelings for you that getting back with Erwin has complicated, but I would like to work through those with both of you and figure out what is best for everyone."

 

"We will also be moving our offices here.  That way there is plenty of room for all of us and no one has to feel there is any sneaking around going on."

 

I nod.  "Well I can't stop you from being my neighbors.  Is there anything else you wish to cover?"

 

Erwin looks at Levi and frowns before looking back at me.  "Since someone can't be honest.....I at least would like to know what your feelings are."

 

"If it was up to me, I would take the key to your office and let you idiots do whatever you wanted.  I don't care where you stay or what you do as long as it doesn't involve me."  I curse myself when a tear falls from

The corner of my eye, which Erwin doesn't miss. 

 

"It doesn't seem like that is true.  You wouldn't be tearing up or angry if you didn't care."  He then leans forward and wipes the tear from my cheek with his hand.   "Let us love you kitten, please."  Erwin then slowly takes my arms and pulls me against his chest.  When I don't struggle, he runs his hand along my back affectionately. 

 

It feels so nice to be back in his arms.  I had forgotten how much I enjoyed his smell, the feeling of his solid body against mine and his gentleness.  Without meaning to, my body relaxes and I find myself drifting off to sleep.

 

—————————

 

Levi couldn't deny he was jealous.  Jealous of the way he smiled at her as he stroked her back lovingly, jealous of the security she clearly still felt with him, and jealous of how easily he made her succumb to him.  He could tell Erwin loved her, could tell it was a different love than what Erwin felt for Levi.  He just couldn't tell if.....

 

"She's so emotionally exhausted."  He gives a faint smile and then looks at Levi.  "We need to be more careful with her...." then he reaches his free hand up to Levi's chin and pulls him down into a kiss that catches Levi by surprise only long enough for Erwin to take advantage of his slightly parted lips.  Delving his tongue into Levi's lips languidly, he strokes the younger mans jawline as he kisses him deeply.  When Levi lets out a soft hum, Erwin pulls back, "....more careful with her and each other.  I can feel your jealousy Captain and I assure you it isn't warranted.  I told you I love you and I have never lied to you.  I don't plan to start now."

 

Levi blushes.  Erwin has always been excellent at reading him and now seemed no exception. 

 

"I will say I am disheartened that you seem to no longer love her as fiercely as you used to.  Have you discarded her as I did Eren?"

 

Levi looks at Rhey's sleeping form.  "I guess I just don't know how to love you both.  I have never been a greedy man."

 

"That seems fair.  Under normal circumstances I would not share her, but since it's you and we all love each other, I have no reservations."

 

"So how do we deal with this living situation?"

 

"My door will always be open as it always has been.  I expect you and her to come and go as you have been.  As far as being with her, I suggest we do it in this room.  If we do it in one of ours we have to know that a locked door means privacy.  We can't get jealous and have to act like adults."

 

"That seems fair."

 

"Good.  Shall we put her to bed?"

 

Levi blushes at the implication in his eyes before nodding.

 

"Did you want to be with her before you left on your mission?"

 

"Possibly, but I want to be with you first."  Levi leans down for another kiss.

 

"Then help me get her into bed."

 

Both men rise careful not to wake me before Erwin picks me up and carries me into my new bedroom.  Laying me down on the bed he whispers. "Sleep well kitten.  We will be right here when you wake up."  He the. Slips the key out of my jacket pocket before the two men walk out of the room.

 

To Be Continued ...........


	23. Tears to Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is in thanks to Murphsmom0215 who sent me a little kick in the ass that made my night/day. Thank you again for your inspiration, which gave me the push I needed. 
> 
> To all my readers: my free time isn’t as abundant but I still love you all. Bear with me. I will try not to leave you hanging for long. :x

In Flames (Ft. Lexi Norton) Dabin - Pyres

—————————————

 

Verse 1]

We walked through fire and rain

Nothing could faze us again

But we couldn't see through the haze

So we burned down

And my heart was wrapped in your chains

No, nothing could faze us again

But we couldn't see through the hate

So we burned down again

 

[Chorus]

Do you remember the way

Our bodies had faded away

Holding on, we were holding on

And do you remember the pain

Our bodies inside of the flames

Holding on, we were holding on

 

[Verse 2]

Ashes inside of my lungs

I couldn't beg for your love

Three words for you on my tongue

As we burned down

And you said I wasn't enough

No, nothing could rebuild your trust

So you lit the matches for fun

And we burned down again

Chorus]

Do you remember the pain

Our bodies inside of the flames

Holding on, we were holding on

 

[Outro]

We were holding on

 

————————————————

 

*beep.........beep..........beep..........beep.......*

 

"It's been a week." [woman's voice]

 

"It's still too soon." [mans voice]

 

*beep.........beep..........beep..........beep.......*

 

"What if...?" [woman's voice]

 

"Shut the fuck up Karen.  I said it's too soon." [mans angry voice]

 

*beep.........beep..........beep..........beep.......*

 

———————————————-

 

I gasp as my eyes shoot open and I bolt upright.  "What the fuck was that?"  My heart is racing, my body is shaking and I can't help remembering the smell of a hospital room and the voices of my parents who I can't see.  I frantically look around the room and my head begins to throb.  I have never been closterphobic, but in that moment I needed to get the fuck outa here and out into fresh air. 

 

I scramble outa bed wobbly and head towards my purse.  Rummaging through I find my still almost full pack of cigarettes that I use when I drink or I need to deprive my brain of some oxygen (which is what I am really going for right now).  Finding my lighter, not caring that I am only in my dress shirt and underwear, I walk outa my room and head to the roof. 

 

Each step feels like my heart is going to explode as I have what must be the first panic attack of my life.  I scramble up the steps frantically and throw open the door just before I feel like I will collapse on myself.  As soon as the cool breeze hits me, I feel an indescribable release.  My heartbeat and breathing slows enough that I don't feel like I will light myself on fire as I light my cigarette.

 

It only takes three good inhales before I feel light headed.  "Jesus fucking Christ." I say to myself as I hug my arms to me clasping the tricep of the opposite arm making sure I don't catch the end of my cig. 

 

Slowly I walk towards the edge of the building.  When I am 1' away from the edge I stop and look out.  I hadn't realized it was still pitch black outside.  All I could see was red around the edges of my vision like DBM telling me not to stand in fire during a raid.  I laugh at this noting the irony that the one time I pay attention to that it doesn't do me a damn bit of good. 

 

Then my mind snaps back to my dream and chills run down my body.  A week?  The sound of beeping?  That horrible smell that was tainted with death?  I can't make sense of it.  The last thing I remember was passing out and ending up here.  I hadn't lived with my parents in years and we lived states away so why was I even dreaming of them?  I couldn't make sense of it and that frightened me.  Was any part of it real?  I just didn't have enough answers, but I had enough questions to know I didn't want to go back to sleep right now. 

 

I started pacing the length of the roof as I put my thumb nail in between my front teeth.  Figuring this out would be a welcome distraction.  Replacing one painful thought with another wasn't so bad when it meant avoiding my feelings.  The idea of going home was far less daunting then sorting out this ridiculously stupid love triangle I found myself in. 

 

I stopped and sighed before looking up at the stars.  "Can you hear me here?  Does my voice still reach you?” I said to the silent sky.  I am not a devout religious person, preferring to remain objective and cumulative in my understanding of that which cannot be explained entirely with science.  So far I had stuck with the concept that there was something out there that CLEARLY aligned with karma and had a way of guiding me through this multiple selection RPG known as life.  I called it God mainly because it was easily relatable in discussion, but I had no real name

for it. 

 

Throughout my life I had spoken out loud to it, never expecting or getting a response immediately.  Most of the time I got one, it came as an opportunity or consequence of something else in the timeline of my life.  As I had aged I had "learned to interpret the incidents as guideposts for potential shifts in the story, but overall it remained ambiguous and unresponsive in the moment. 

 

At this moment it was comforting to think that it truly was all seeing and would guide me still through this ALT reality. 

 

"I'm afraid and lost.  I need your help to find my way and sense of self.  I admit to being indulgent and selfish, but I do not know how to hold onto the things I value when I can't accept the value of things as they are right now."  I take a drag.  "How do I take back the innocence of what I held so close to my heart?  Or did I not even realize how shallow my heart was as it was swayed so easily?"  I take another drag.  "I feel like I'm in high school again crushing over boys I never had a chance in hell with.  I can see why I had a hard time staying faithful in my relationships that failed.  My insecurities and superficial outlook created a mask of detachment I could validate my actions with.  This time there is no one to impress and no actions I can take.  This isn't my life and these aren't my rules.  I stepped into a life I never asked for and treated it like the dream I wanted it to be, expecting to have the impact I wanted and got devastated when my self importance didn't hold up to reality." 

 

I take a final drag and push out the cherry before realizing I am not wearing shoes to put it out with.  Cursing, I lean down and half ass crush it out with the cig butt in my hand. 

 

"Maybe I should see how big this world really is and stop trying to live out some stupid fantasy."  Tears start gathering in my eyes as my heart begins to ache.  "Even if I was naive, I wanted it to work so damn bad.  I just wanted to believe it was possible to be loved by someone who knew nothing of me or my life and I could just ignore the reality I hated so much.  Why is that so unrealistic?  Why is that so wrong?"  I wipe the tears from my eyes and gaze at the stars.

 

——————————

 

“She is so emotionally exhausted........we have to be more careful with her and each other.”

 

These thoughts ran through Levi’s head as he sat on an adjacent roof hidden in shadow and watched Rhey speak her heart to the empty sky.He had been awake in Erwin’s bed when he heard sudden scrambling noises coming from her room.It startled him but he didn’t give it a second thought until he heard the door open and shut and her scramble outside as she scraped against the walls.He quickly dressed and followed the noises of her flight, taking a more par-core route to watch her when she flung herself outside. 

 

She had never been this broken.Never been this insecure.Is this what Erwin saw in her?Is this what drove him to love her so fiercely?The more he watched, the more his heart screamed at him to salve her pain.She was wallowing in it, pouring it out to the night as if it would grant her her every desire. 

 

The more he watched, the more he was forced to face his own reality.Not that long ago he had been her, though his emotions had been caged like a house canary, only singing in the dark of his own mind as his emotions threatened to poison his resolve, he still knew what this moment felt like.He had lived it every day since Erwin had left and he had unfairly wrapped her up in his grief. 

 

Watching her now, he saw the beauty that he had missed.Yes she was sexy, but it was her depth of emotion that gave her life and drew people to her.She wasn’t afraid to own her feelings, just selective in who she shared the deepest ones with.It had been her feelings and her honesty that had made him fall in love with her, two things he still never felt he got the full breadth of from Erwin. 

 

She was not afraid of him, not intimidated of him, not willing to take any shit, not willing to move an inch from her beliefs, and always willing to give her entire self to something she valued and loved without hesitation.THAT was her true beauty and he had taken it for granted.He had never seen past the appeal she was for Erwin.Even his confession of love had been misleading.He had loved how he could possess her and Erwin couldn’t.He loved her ability to elicit the responses he had wanted to get from Erwin, but never could.He loved the power over his former lover that she wielded, not the power and strength of the woman herself. 

 

He was ashamed.He didn’t know how to repair that, but he would try tonight and then use their time away to try to become a man that she could love and respect. 

 

He watched her gaze out and wipe her tears a moment more before he went back the way he came.

 

——————————

 

“As always, thank you for your blessings.”I put my hand over my heart before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.I was calm now and was ready to try to go back to sleep.Turning I walked back down the stairs only to receive a shock when I saw Levi leaning against the wall with his eyes closed.

 

“You know I don’t sleep well when it’s not with you.Even with Erwin, I never slept well.I got worried when I heard you scramble out the door so I followed you.”

 

She walked slowly step by step towards me as she kept close to the far wall. 

 

“I’m not here to hurt you.I genuinely was worried.”I opened my eyes and looked at her as her eyes went wide and her mouth opened.

 

——————————

 

As soon as our eyes met it was like two worlds collided.I could see in the depths of his orbs that he knew my pain and was feeling his own at this moment as well.I stood there as he slowly moved away from the wall and walked towards me, our eyes locked in our sorrow. 

When he stood in front of me, he put his arms out and gently pulled me against him as he held the back of my head and rested me into the crook of his neck as his free arm wrapped around my waist. 

 

“I am truly sorry for how I allowed my feelings to mislead you.I do love you, but it wasn’t until know that I knew I didn’t love you the way I should have.You are truly a beautiful and strong person and I am ashamed that all I saw was what those things could do for me, not what their true value was.It is my hope that when I come home we can start over and I can love you the way you deserve.”

 

I can’t help but uncontrollably wail into his shoulder. 

 

“I’m so sorry Rhey.I truly am.Promise me you will let me fix this.You didn’t deserve any of this.We acted like children and you should have been given so much more.” 

 

He stroked my lower back as my wails turn into choking sobs as I wrap my arms around his waist and burry my face in his shoulder. 

 

“I’ll take that as a yes.”He presses the side of his face against mine in a comforting gesture of reassurance.“Cry all you want.I’ll stay right here until you are ready to go back.”

 

We stayed like that a while longer, until my voice gave out and my heart felt numb.It was then that I pulled away and looked at him.

 

“I really do need to be more careful with you don’t I?”He smiles weakly before caressing my tear stained cheek. 

 

I glare at him and he laughs genuinely.“I’m going to miss that glare and you while I’m gone.”

 

I blush slightly in spite of myself. 

 

“Let’s go back to the room.”

 

I nod and we walk back in silence, though he takes my hand in his so we walk back hand in hand.

 

When we get to the door, he opens it and holds it open.“Good night Rhey.I will see you when I get back.”He releases one hand and then raises the other to kiss its back, but before his lips touch it I pull him into the room and reach behind him to close the door. 

 

I clear my throat though my voice is scratchy.“Lay with me.I’m ......scared to fall asleep alone tonight.”

 

“Alright.”

 

When we get in bed, he takes the wall and I curl up against his chest like I used to.I am surprised there is no reservations or anger, but I may not have any emotions left after all that crying. 

 

He stroked my back and kisses my forehead.“Sleep well.I’ll be right here to protect you until the sun comes up.”

 

I sigh as my body relaxes.Within moments I am asleep and don’t wake until well into the morning to an empty bed and a note on my table with a single white rose whose petals are tipped in red. 

 

To Be Continued..........


	24. The Temptation of Juliet

Is love bound by the same principles as reason, time, or space?If Shakespear is correct and "a rose by any other name is still a rose" then it remains true to itself and no other, being intrinsic to all three and yet also independent.It flows between time, space and reason without measure.

 

If love isn't bound, why is loss?  With loss there is a distinct moment, place or feeling associated with it and each instance of loss is defined by another singular dimension.  Yes they can overlap, but one is usually more important than another. 

 

With love, all dimensions fire at once or in tandem, heightening the experience. 

 

So it is loss, not love, that attaches to memories of the note and the rose at the desk when I awake the next morning. 

 

For the blood I never spilt loving you as I stained your purity with sorrow. 

For the blood your heart wept as it beat against my soul begging for sincerity.

For the blood I have yet to take as I roam the world for the salvation your soul seeks to give.

 

You are the candle in the dark, the fires warmth in the harshest storm, the abyss I want to find and lose myself in.

 

Words are not enough for the emptiness I leave behind and the devastation I may yet reek.

But you will be with me every step

And I with you.

 

Never let it coat you

Never let it define you

Only let it stain you

Before it falls and leaves you pure again.

 

Be safe

 

-Levi

 

Nothing escaped the Captain except his own emotions.  I had never told him I only liked white roses.  He had never asked.  Yet somehow, like with my heart, he had found my weakness and used it to tell a story. 

 

Few believed how deep Levi truly was.  Few cared to look that closely at him.  He had always been what other people wanted, never taking anything for himself. 

 

A very small part of me wished we could have been that superficial, but the part stained by the truth in our hearts wouldn't change where we are now. 

 

Frailty under strength of meaning.  That was the rose and the truth of Levi.  It was the symbology not the object that held the fascination and my heart twisted. 

 

When he gets home, we will fix this.  I thought to myself.  Even if we can't be lovers, we will fix this. 

 

As I put the note in my drawer, there was a knock at my side door.  "Just s minute."  I quickly dress in a nightgown and robe before opening the door to Erwin's room.

 

"Levi left?"

 

"He did.  Sometime early this morning."

 

"Did you make your peace?"

 

"No.  We came to an understanding of sorts."

 

"That's good.  No one should ever go out on a mission with guilt or anger."  Then he moved closer to me, taking a strand of hair and running it through his fingers as he looked over my face with a mixture of sadness and apprehension.  "Do you suppose we can .........at least come to an understanding?"

 

I stare at him intensely with as apathetic a face as I can make without speaking g for several minutes as he continues to caress my hair. 

 

"What understanding is that?"  My voice is slightly cold.

 

"One where you are not required to do anything for me."

 

I cross my arms over my chest.  "I'm listening."

 

"Let me love you, make love to you, give myself to you and I will expect nothing in return except a one sided love."  Brings the strand to his lips and kisses it.  "I will come to you, you will never be expected to come to me.  I will be yours without any strings."

 

"And Levi?"

 

"And Levi, with Levi, without Levi, without me, with me......". He sighs heavily, his eyes pleading. 

 

I stare at him with blank anger. 

 

"Of course is want you to want me, to want to be with me, but I hold no expectations."

 

I raise an eyebrow still saying nothing.

 

“There are more important things than indulging in a dead relationship.”My voice was emotionless, flat. 

 

His hand trailed down my neck as he took one step closer.“Please Rhey.I need you.”

 

“You needed Levi and Erin too.Seems like you are used to people “giving you what you need.”

 

“I didn’t need Erin.I got saddled with him under less than honorable circumstances.”He brings his lips close to my ear as his fingers trace back and forth over my collar bone. 

 

“When did you stop needing Levi?Did you ever need him?”

 

“I will never stop needing Levi by nature of what he is, but I never saw our relationship the same way he did and still does.I don’t regret what it’s turned into, but it isn’t what keeps me up at night, what drives my soul to madness.”He brings his lips to my neck as his hands rest gently on my hips.Only you invade every fiber of my being driving me to both the depths of ecstasy and hell in the same breath.”

 

Hiskiss is soft, promising and inviting.Tentative and hungry while barely holding within the boundaries of propriety. 

 

“Are you suggesting your need for me is greater than your obsession with humanities survival?”

 

He stops kissing down my neck and stands still for a moment, his breath tickling me.“They are equal in importance as I truly feel I can not survive as the man I am without you and humanity cannot be saved if my ideals are not brought to fruition.”

 

“I suggest you show me how independent thosetwo concepts are if you intend to “love me” as you say.I do not believe you are capable of loving anything but your own desires.”

 

“”Wouldn’t you say that loving your body shows my dedication and deep love of humanity?I have shown the same dedication in loving you that I have shown in all the sacrifices and hard choices I have made pushing humanity to it’s potential.I have never once shown favoritism or bias, sometimes even neglecting you to achieve my own goals.Your exhaustion was a perfect example of that.”He presses his cheek against mine speaking into my ear.“I am at your mercy.”

 

I am not sure why I chose to cave, but I sighed and turned my head which exposed my neck to him.He wasn’t incorrect when he said he had never shown favoritism.He had always prioritized his responsibilities to humanity above all else.In truth I didn’t want to resist him, but I also didn’t want to repeat mistakes. 

 

“Meaningless sex.Friends with benefits.That is what you will be limited to when and only when I feel like it. 

 

He hums as he pulls at the bottom of my top in order to remove it. 

 

“I also have the right to not let you fuck me at all, but to have you pleasure me and then leave.This isn’t about love this is about need.Do I make myself clear?”

 

“As long as you are mine for as long as it takes that is fine.”

 

My top is off and his lips are kissing down my chest towards my nipple as his hands pull st my bottoms as he backs me towards the bedroom.

 

———————————

 

My lips never reach for his.My hands never caress his skin.I just lay there as he coaxes me towards my orgasm.My disinterest is prevalent, causing my release to be time consuming to reach.When I do finally orgasm, it is weak enough that I release no sound and my body doesn’t shudder.The only clue is the constricting of my walls as they close around his shaft. 

 

I quickly rise and head to the shower to wash off the taint of that experience as soon as possible.There will be no cuddling, no loving moments, only business. 

 

I had never gotten the hang of using people for sex and the people who could disgusted me.Now I found myself being the very thing I hated and it made me sick.I believed people could change, but I could not change how so felt about the man in front of me, on top of me, inside of me.It made me angry and the only thing I could think to do was completely reject every emotion he attempted to steal from me.Part of me knew I couldn’t hold out long, but that wasn’t the point.Holding out, holding my own, never letting him define or stain me was the only thing that mattered. 

 

I would remain pure and nothing he tried would ever take that purity away from me.

 

To Be Continued...........


	25. The Road Less Traveled

Walls.....

 

What do they keep in or out?What do they support?

 

I ask myself that every time I stand here waiting, looking out on the horizon. 

 

What am I waiting for?What am I hiding from?I don't even know anymore.All I know is that I must keep moving forward.Nothing can stop that solitary need.We move forward or we rot and die, those are the two options. 

 

So which am I doing?

 

———————————————

 

Shortly after Levi left on his expedition, Annie, Bertholt, and Reiner were subdued and placed into a permanent coma in an undisclosed location after being "sent on an expedition" that they would never return from.This allowed Hange to run tests on them without fear of the capital finding out.She had yet to find anything useful from these tests. 

 

I currently found myself buried in work that ranged from payouts for petty disputes to the approval of military proposals for increased defensive measures with a raging headache. 

 

It had been 3 days since Levi left and my anxiety is beginning to spike.Something is still

going to happen and that unnerves me.It was around this point in the series that Levi was taken out of commission and Erwin lost his arm.If either of those still happen all of this will have been for nothing. 

 

My greatest hope was that I had told what I knew in time.With Annie caught, Levi would

not become injured, thus making him available when Zeke showed up, unless his investigation of Historia kept him away the same amount of time. 

 

How much longer would it take?

 

Fortunately Erwin was rarely seen during the day.  He had taken the defense of the wall seriously.We had spent the last two nights discussing/arguing the practicality of evacuating the citizens to Wall Sheena since we knew Zeke had the power to turn the citizens into Titans but no consensus had been reached.Even if we evacuated farther in, the same thing could still unfold on a much larger scale if Zeke made it as far as Sheena.This could potentially wipe out humanity as we knew it instead of saving it.

 

The idea of badging all citizens and personnel was also ruled out as I suspected there were moles already residing within the wall feeding information back to Marley, making boarder crossing easily to breach. 

 

Curfews were also thrown out.They just instilled fear and harbored repressive behaviors.The walls were supposed to be a safe haven not a prison. 

 

My best solution so far?It depended on Levi coming back alive and finding the things I had mentioned.If he didn't, we would have to hope and pray for a miracle. 

 

What we did agree on was posting images of Zeke that I had had drawn from my memory around town with a note that said any information on this mans whereabouts or anyone with him would be rewarded by the king.He was a traitor and extremely dangerous. 

 

The outlook still looked grim no matter howyou spun it.

 

With my head pounding and my heart weak with worry, I put down my pen and walked away from the desk.I couldn't be here a moment longer. 

 

—————————————-

 

A week went by and still no sign or word from Levi.I told myself I would know if he was dead, but that was a lovers fairy tale I didn't have the luxury of indulging in.

 

Erwin had made the decision to completely seal all but 3 gates into Wall Rose and Wall Sheena except to military personnel.He accepted when the time came, should no other option emerge, it would ensure the death of all the inhabitants of Wall Rose, which I knew to be inevitable, but it might give us a chance to catch intruders sooner.

 

———————————————

 

By the second week Erwin threatened to post guards at my door so I couldn't mount up and go find Levi myself. 

 

“You have no sense of direction and no map.You will just get yourself killed!”

 

He wasn’t incorrect, but I couldn’t just sit here doing paperwork.

 

——————————————

 

On the third night of the third week as I stood in front of my desk half ass leafing through papers as I drank a glass of white, my door opened and Levi entered.

 

Have you ever heard the expression I can’t miss you if you never leave?Well, that’s exactly how it felt. 

 

Somehow I set the glass on the desk, though I couldn’t see through all the tears.“Levi.....?”

 

“Well I doubt anyone other than Erwin or I would barge in here unannounced for fear of never making it out alive.”

 

I laugh and then wipe my tears before smiling up at him.“It seems I missed you just s little.”

 

“According to Erwin you were about to get your dumb ass lost and killed trying to find me.”

 

I blush.“I was worried ok!I get this feeling that something is still going to happen and with you not here everything I have tried to prevent will still come to pass!”

 

He smiles.“So it wasn’t really about me it was about what you needed from me.”

 

“That isn’t true and you know it!”

 

Slowly he walks up to me. “I’ve had 3 weeks without you to realize a lot of things.”

 

When he stands in front of me he takes my chin in one hand as his other rests on my lower back gently pulling me to him. 

 

“You know......” his lips come down to my neck and kiss the soft flesh “.....I got everything you requested including every book relating to the topic at hand.” His lips move down to kiss my collar bone as his hand on my back slips under my pants to cup and fondle my ass.“I think you should show the appropriate appreciation for all of my hard work.” 

 

I bite my lip as I tangle my hands in his hair.“I still have so much work to do Lee, why don’t you have a little patience and.....”

 

Then I am being picked up and taken into his room, where he locks the door before placing me on the bed. 

 

“I have been patient for 3 weeks.Unlike my love for you, my patience has run out.Now I expect you to be a good girl and give me what I want for everything I have done.”

 

I put a hand to his chest to stop him.My heart is to wounded not to deal in harsh realities.“If you saw Erwin already didn’t you just take what you wanted from him?”

 

Levi growls.“Why are you making this complicated?”

 

“Why am I making it complicated?I’m not the one in love with a man whose in love with a woman that used that woman to try to get back together with a man!”

 

“Tsk.We discussed this when we made this arrangement, I still love you I just got side tracked by unfinished emotional baggage.It took me three weeks to realize that I don’t sleep when I’m not with you, I feel more depressed when I’m not with you, I’m bitter and angry and hateful when I’m not with you.All those things still happened when I was with Erwin, I just refused to see anything but the love I wanted to see when he and I were together.Erwin is a nice one off, but it’s nothing compared to loving you.”

 

His eyes were intense and he was tense with frustration.

 

“Now for gods sake shut the fuck up and stop thinking so I can go back to loving you.”

 

His lips tasted......sweeter.His touch felt......softer........he didn’t seem as crazed or lost as if he was looking for love instead of giving it. 

 

I wasn’t sure what had changed, but I could tell he meant what he said and I was glad for it.I had missed him terribly.From the moment I knew he had slept with Erwin I had missed him.I tried not to let myself hope too much that he had returned to me nor did I think he was mine alone, but in this moment after being apart from him so long I refused to care. 

 

He was here.....he was mine......and I wasn’tgoing to squander this moment with my own insecurities. 

 

—————————————————

 

Note:I am desperately trying to not have to read the Manga to see where I want this to go.I feel it is a losing battle though so bare with me If updates take longer.


	26. Rewriting History

For what felt like one endless night, I combed through book after book that had been brought back from Levi’s raid.Come to find out Reiss was in custody as well and all articles related to titans had been confiscated, leaving Hange with her hands full. 

 

Eren was quickly adapting to the shielding technique he had gained from ingesting the armor serum.He was now beingput to work repairing the wall and making crystal projectiles for large scale crossbows (a recommendation of mine). 

 

What I found was astounding in its comprehension and disconcerting in its complexity.As we were now, there was no way to recreate the titan serum nor any method to create a cure.Because it had been meant to replenish the Pure Titan line, the serums had no cure.The only way to survive it was to eat a “gifted” titan as I called it and regain your humanity. 

 

This made me sad as it left too many areas open for failure in the days to come.All defensive measures would have to be reactionary instead of preemptive.There was no foreseen way to prevent the inevitable attack by Marley as things stood now.We would just have to fortify and hope for the best.Our best hopes lay in Eren’s armoring ability and ........my head shot up as I looked at Erwin’s door.I had changed his life once hopefully, could I really do it again?

 

————————————

 

It took me the next hour to find Levi.When I did I was out of breath and shaking with nervousness. 

 

“What’s wrong?You look scared out of your mind.”

 

I grabbed onto the folds of his survey jacket and shook him gently. 

 

“Please tell me somewhere in your confiscation you found a small wooden box with a vial of serum in it.”

 

He looked around to make sure no one had heard before pulling me into an empty hallway.“I did but what is this about?”

 

“I think I have an answer to salvaging the next attack.” 

 

He raises an eyebrow. 

 

“Take me to the serum and I will tell you.”

 

—————————————

 

Back in his room, Levi unlocks a drawer hidden under his desk.Inside is the very box in question.After checking the contents, I lean against the desk and cross my arms. 

 

“Would you do anything to save Erwin even if it was something he protested against?”

 

He looks at me skeptically as if he can’t tell if I am serious or not.“That idiot doesn’t know what is good for him so of course I would.Why do you ask?”

 

“Because if we don’t divert history, Erwin is going to die.I already may have saved him from losing his arm.Now I want to save him from his own chivalry.”

 

Levi’s face is dumbstruck.It takes him several minutes to process what I just said. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell us this sooner?”

 

“You know as well as I he would have accepted his fate and not done a damn thing to stop it causing countless lives to be sacrificed yet again that could very well have been saved.By not telling him I relieve him the burden of more dead bodies and broken homes chiding instead giving him hope.”

 

Levi looks at me sternly.“So what is your plan?” 

 

“I want to give Erwin the serum, placing him

on equal footing with the Beast Titan when it arrives to recover the founding Titan.The only catch is Erwin has to eat Bertholt in order to gain the powers of the Colossal Titan and human form again.”

 

Levi’s eyes go wide. 

 

“Don’t give me that look he deserves to die.Besides Annie still has the power to crystallize, which we need to understand before sacrificing her.If anything, Eren should eat her, but seeing as he has armoring capabilities that doesn’t seem necessary.”

 

Levi leans back on the wall and ponders a moment. 

 

“The way I see it, it’s either give it to him.......or give it to me.I’m the least valuable

if something goes wrong and.......”

 

I never thought in my time here with all the shit that’s happened and all the thing I have said Levi would slap me across the face.

 

I was wrong.The next thing I know I am on the floor holding my cheek with an enraged Captain above me.

 

“Say those words ONE. MORE. TIME.I dare you.”

 

I just sat there on my knees and stared at him in disbelief as he stared back.

 

After several minutes I rose.“Explain to me why that was necessary?”

 

“Because some idiots wont listen to anything else.”

 

I give him the “Yeah I guess that’s true” face before inclining for his response. 

 

“I have no problem doing it, but I want it as a last resort.If he still loses his arm, we will give it to him then agreed?”

 

I sigh in frustration.“I guess I agree with that.I would still feel better if there was one extra Titan, but we do have you now and we weren’t supposed to so maybe that will be enough.”

 

“We can only hope.”

 

—————————————

 

In the days that followed I was able to convince Erwin that the Special Operations Squad did not need to personally contribute to the 57th Expedition Outside the walls seeing as the spies had been caught and dealt with.Instead, he was to relay the the Long-Distance Enemy Scouting formation to Dita Ness and Luke Siss and allow them to plot a new course.

 

He begrudgingly acquiesced after several hours of ‘convincing’ on my part, but in the end I got what I wanted.Now the Spec Ops unit could focus on interior patrols, defense and intel, while Erwin focused on plotting the reinstatement of the rightful heir to the throne. 

 

Even after all this, something still felt off.That night as I lay in bed with Levi as he kissed down my body and ran his hands over me lovingly I asked the question I had forgotten about earlier. 

 

“Hey Lee?”

 

“Hmmmm?”

 

“Don’t be too angry, but I forgot to ask earlier.....what did you find out about Kenny?”

 

His hand stopped in mid stroke and his lips pulled slowly from my shoulder. 

 

“It is as you said.He is in control of an organization sanctioned to retrieve Eren and Historia for Reiss’ plan.I found several documents linking the two together, which I have hidden in here as well.We will have to proceed with extreme caution, but I have eyes on him now so we should know when he moves if he chooses to at all now that Reiss has been infiltrated.”

 

“Are you worried?”

 

“Only for your safety.He has a bad habit of using people and or killing them to meet his ends.It’s part of why I could never stand by and let you become a Titan.Should your abilities prove useful, he would most surely would exploit you.”

 

Then he leans down and kisses me deeply.“I am sorry I lost control and hit you.I never want to hurt you.”

 

“I understand why you did it and I’m not mad.”

 

“Good, though I am more than happy to drag your words of forgiveness out of your body.”

 

He smiles devilishly before placing a hand on my sex and his lips on my neck.

 

“Lee.......ahhhhhhh......vi........mmmmmmm that isn’t fair!”

 

“Who said it had to be fair?You came to me remember?”

 

“Well if you didn’t want me to I could always go back to my room.”

 

He pushes me to my back, places his legs in between mine and hovers over me briefly.“Not a chance in hell am I letting you out of this bed.”

 

I smile and place my hand at his cheek.“Stay with me tonight?”

 

“Shouldn’t I be saying that to you since this is my room?”He says smugly.

 

“Always an ass aren’t we?”

 

“You wouldn’t have me any other way.”

 

“Not entirely true.I’d rather......” then I pull him down and place my lips at his ear “.........have you inside me.”

 

He moans as I feel his erection twitch against my thigh.“You succubus.”Then he kisses me as he penetrates me deeply and we share each other’s love, fear and uncertainty into the early morning before sleep takes us both.

 


	27. 1 Potato 2 Potato 3 Potato More

Midnight, also known as the witching hour, was when major unexplained events  historically happened.  It was how people explained the things no one had answers or wanted to take responsibility for. 

 

Answers were a luxury we didn't have and without those, we had no way we could take responsibility.  Was it really our fault?  Were the titans mans punishment for wanting to live?  I'm sure there were some, like the government, who wanted to believe that, but they were a dichotomy on monarchy and salvation.  If they were a true puppet system, what they stood for wasn't necessarily what reality or the common belief was.  It was someone's ideal based on personal bias. 

 

Did that make titans our sin or our damnation?  Were they a product of our greed and abuse of power or were they a way to punish us for daring to achieve salvation?  They looked so human and yet, like the sheep that followed the shepherd, they had no individual will but basic need.  They had no independent thought unless they were an aberrant. 

 

So why is there guilt?  Why do we punish ourselves when they devastate our citizens and our homes?  Is it for the lives we have sacrificed in searching for the answers or is it for our own weakness?

 

I was buried in Levi's chest with my face under his chin when the alarm went out.  They were here.  It was time.  We dressed in seconds and flew out the door, noticing Erwin's door was already ajar and no sound was coming from it. 

 

"I'll head to the medical wing again.  Did you take the serum?"

 

He nods.

 

I stop and he looks back at me a brief second before stopping to face me.

 

"Please be careful.  You aren't supposed to be doing any of this.  I'm not sure what is going to happen now."

 

"Tsk.  History has never been kind to me.  I don't expect it to start now.  Long as I know that, nothing changes."

 

I nod and we head our separate ways. 

 

————————————

 

It had just started and there were already so many.  Having taken us by surprise, that made sense but rumor had it the titans had come from inside not outside the wall. 

 

Rumor to them, not to me.  I had to keep telling myself there had been no way with their current technology to salvage the lives lost by the titan gas.  It didn't make it any easier to swallow. 

 

As the morning wore on, fewer and fewer injured and dead arrived into the ward.  The soldiers coming in talked about how between Levi, Erwin, Eren's aberrant and the crossbow bolts, the titans hadn't stood much of a chance.   It seemed the most elusive obstacle was the presence of the Beast Titan. 

 

—————————————

 

"Though complete conjecture based off of Rhey's information, it would seem that this attack served as more of a test run instead of a recovery mission.  Even if they did know they would be short the Collossal and Armored Titan, the Beast Titan showed little concern for the lives lost.  This leads me to believe that Zeke had no other objective than to test both the gas and the capability of our military strength in his quest to obtain this Founding Titan supposedly present in Eren and/or Historia."  Erwin said to Levi as they set up camp in Utgard Castle after effectively meeting and devastating the titan horde that threatened to breach Wall Rose.

 

"It is disturbing how accurate her intel was even after supposedly changing key elements historically."  Levi remarked.

 

"My guess is the lack of intel back to the main force prevented the original attack from being redirected.  That doesn't mean that now that they know, things will continue to fall into place as she has relayed."

 

"Now all that's left is cleanup duty.  It shouldn't take long to wipe out any stragglers.  The only problem is, what happened to the Beast Titan?"

 

"Not all leaders stay to fight.  If the true purpose was intel and not recovery, it may have left once the titans were created.  The only other option is it remains among us in human form, but since no one knows what it's human self looks like, there is no way to know."

 

Levi's hand casually slips into his pocket where the serum is, checking it's integrity for the umpteenth time.  All this to save one man.  Would she have gone to the same trouble and told all her secrets if it had been him instead of Erwin whose life was on the line?  She had said that either way the serum needed up in his possession.  If that were true and it truly was Erwin, not her, that told him to keep it, she was only changing the dynamic of how he got it an when he applied it.  He still couldn't help thinking that deep down he was only tool for the history she wished to create and not the history she truly wanted. 

 

All he could do now was wait and watch.  Ultimately it was his decision, but now that he knew he had decided to let Erwin die in the original history, he felt less of guilt ridden obligation to decide the right path. 

 

The largest unknown was the potential that she, not Erwin, would find herself on deaths door and in need of the serum.  If that were the case and it was between her and Erwin.......

 

Levi removed his hand from his pocket and stood up.  "So tomorrows plan is to wipe out the remaining stragglers before returning to the wall and assessing the damages?"  He asked Erwin as he walked towards the steps of the keep as he headed to the roof. 

 

"That is correct.  We leave at first light.  I will take the first watch, you will take the last."

 

"Don't overdo it.  I won't defend you if you do something to piss her off when we get back."

 

Erwin laughs.  "Sone days it seems staying in her good graces is harder than facing even the most challenging Titan attack."

 

"You did it to yourself."

 

"That I did.  Now I have to undo it myself."

 

"That you do."

 

Then Levi walked away leaving his friend and his rival behind.

 

———————————

 

3 days.  Why was it taking 3 days?  I had spent every moment since they left either in the ward attending the wounded or at my desk doing paperwork and not a single word had come my way from either of those idiots about their health or well being.  I.WAS.LIVID.

 

What was so hard about sending a messenger?  We didn't have that many wounded that someone couldn't be sent with a letter while they were running some other intel.  I swear to god when  I see them.....

 

Then my door opened and they walked in like nothing in the world had happened. 

 

I met their beautiful faces with an iced glare before throwing at book at them.....which didn't even come close.

 

"Feel better?"  Levi remarked with a smirk.

 

"Get out and go fuck yourself.  Both of you."  I returned to my paperwork as Erwin walked

to the book, picked it up, and placed it gently on the desk before taking my hand and kissing the palm. 

 

"I missed you.  Levi's company didn't hold a candle to yours."  His smooth voice and entrancing eyes almost completely sucked the anger out of me, but not entirely.

 

"You missed getting laid you are incapable of

missing me."  I was angrier and more bitter than I mean to be.  I didn't realize the thought of his death or him still losing his arm would phase me.  I wanted to not care about him.  I wanted to not love him.  I wanted to stay angry at being betrayed.  I had a right to.  Instead I continued to feel insecure and hesitant to let him back in.He was still my ideal lover with enough gentleman and kink to satisfy everything in equal measure and it hurt to think I only filled a need and not his heart.

 

“You make it impossible to prove that otherwise when night after night you share his bed and not mine kitten.”He places my hand at his heart which feels like it’s threatening to beat out of his chest even though hisdemeanor is cool and calm. 

 

“You two realize I’m still here right?”Levi says with annoyance. 

 

I am broken from my trance a I look into Levi’s irritated and jealous eyes.Why do I insist on resisting them again?I think as I reach my arm out to him with a needy look on my face as Erwin’s lips fall on my neck. 

 

My eyes close and all I hear is Levi walking towards me as Erwin’s lips quietly travel little sucking kisses downy neck.Once Erwin’s lips reach my collar bone, Levi has taken my hand and placed it at the back of his head as he bends down and kisses me on the lips. 

 

My hands tangle in his hair as Erwin’s hand caresses my inner thigh and Levi begins undressing me. 

 

Resistance is futile.It always has been and it always will be.


	28. “Just Friends”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a dirty little dedication to one of my readers on Wattpad who provided inspiration from one of her own stories. I’ve been wanting to write it since I decided to go down this route. Now here it is :)

Just Friends ft. Boy Mathew | Hayden James

 

When it's late at night

Do you recall that night?

'Cause I think about it sometimes

I'm just lying, it's all the time, babe

 

[Pre-Chorus]

I found out the way to your heart

Then found myself completely lost

Whatever, it doesn't matter, we fine

I don't need to label how we good time

And we don't need to tell nobody, we ride

'Cause fuck it, we're young, it's just fun

 

[Chorus]

It started off just a touch

Innocent like friends, like friends

Yeah, wake up here tired, horizontal

We just friends, just friends

Maybe one drink, nothing too far gone (too far)

Is it the stars saying fall in love? No

We don't say much as we lay here

We just friends, just friends

 

[Verse 2]

When you say my name

So casual touch, my hand

I stop and play it cool

Like I'm not into you

But I'm just lying

You drive me wild and say

 

 

[Pre-Chorus]

I found out the way to your heart

Then found myself completely lost

Whatever, it doesn't matter, we fine

I don't need to label how we good time

And we don't need to tell nobody, we ride

'Cause fuck it, we're young, it's just fun

 

[Chorus]

It started off just a touch

Innocent like friends, like friends

Yeah, wake up here tired, horizontal

We just friends, just friends

Maybe one drink, nothing too far gone (too far)

Is it the stars saying fall in love? No

We don't say much as we lay here

We just friends, just friends

 

[Bridge]

I found out the way to your heart

Then found myself completely lost

Whatever, it doesn't matter, we fine

I don't need to label how we good time

And we don't need to tell nobody, we ride

'Cause fuck it, we're young, it's just fun

 

[Chorus]

It started off just a touch

Innocent like friends, like friends

Yeah, wake up here tired, horizontal

We just friends, just friends

Maybe one drink, nothing too far gone (too far)

Is it the stars saying fall in love? No

We don't say much as we lay here

We just friends, just friends

 

——————————————-

 

He was supposed to die, but not yet.His arm was supposed to be missing, but it wasn't.  It was on my breast ......my torso.....in my hair......down my side.....and I loved it.  Hell I NEEDED IT as much as I loved/needed and hated him and I intended to prove it. 

 

Kissing Levi deeply one more time, biting his lip for good measure, I position us so Erwin is leaning against my desk, I am facing him and my back is to Levi as I stick my ass in his groin before placing his hands on my hips at the same time my lips crash into Erwin's and my hands begin undressing him roughly in an attempt to reach the bare flesh beneath. 

 

Though not Levi's favorite, it was a position he knew the signals for as he pulled my pants and panties below my knees before running a hand up my back to un clasp my bra as the other grabbed my hips allowing him to enter me fluidly as he undid his pants, releasing his growing erection, and rocked into me. 

 

I was wet and hot, his shaft sliding into me effortlessly as a needy moan escaped my lips and in turn was swallowed by Erwin's. 

 

Erwin's hand tried to slide down to caress my engorged clit, but I took it and placed it back on my breasts which were now completely exposed courtesy of Levi removing it and my bra.  I rewarded Erwin’s touch with a hum as he pinched the nipple and teased the flesh with his fingers

 

Take the small wins and learn from the big losses Commander .

 

I then snake my arm behind my back and take Levi's hand, guiding it down to my painfully sensitive clit.  As his fingers slide across the enflamed pink flesh, Erwin's lips travel down my neck biting and sucking the flesh as he pinched my nipples hard in time with Levi pressing in rough, quick circles and I cry out as I dig my nails into Erwin's exposed chest. 

 

Three pumps and less than thirty shameless seconds later I am spasming intensely as fluid washes over Levi's cock still fully erect and punishing me over and over as my walls clamp down around him.  

 

I stare at Erwin with needy, desperate eyes that are half closed as Levi continues to plunge deep inside me. 

 

I lean back against Levi, still looking at Erwin as Levi’s hand lazily fondles my lips and clit as his tongue begins to run over the rim of my ear. “Go kneel with your back against the headboard Commander.I need to punish you for never loving me the way you should have and leaving me this wanton needy mess for the last three days without so much as a carrier pigeon to tell me you were alright.”

 

Then I pull away from Levi and turn to face him before slapping him across the face.“The same goes for you.How dare you.I expect you on your back draggingthe I forgive you’s out of my lips as I punish him.”

 

I watch his slick erection twitch as he touches his jaw where my hand connected, a sadistic gleam in his eye.“Careful what you wish for my dear.”Then both men undress the rest of the way before doing as I told them. 

 

It is so very hard to contain my desire for these men and to have them here in this room engaged in pleasure was euphoric. 

 

Slowly I walk to the bed before straddling Levi as I crawl up his body and place my slit above his face. “Now both of you beg for forgiveness.”

 

I lean down and slowly slide my mouth over and around Erwin’s length as Levi pulls my hips down so he can suck and lick my sex.I can’t tell you why it’s such a fucking turn on to suck a guy off as he eats you out, but it is......exponentially so.All I want is to lick and press my tongue all over Erwins’s entire length as my lips vibrate with every moan Levi elicits from me. 

 

I can feel my lips begin to drip, behind for penetration, which Levi is happy to oblige as he inserts two fingers deep inside me.Slowly pumping in and out he uses ONLY the very tip

of his tongue on the center of my clit causing

me to shudder and whine as I rock my hips into his hands. 

 

I suck Erwin a little harder in frustration causing him to groan and dig his fingers into my hair.“Rhey.....let me touch you......please.”

 

I release him with a sloppy suck.“No.You don’t deserve to.You don’t love me you only love yourself.”

 

That’s when Levi buries his tongue in my slit as his fingers take over massaging my clit.I gasp and arch my back unintentionally wrapping my fingers over Erwin’s slippery cock as he growls and captures my lips with his, holding me against him with a single hand to the back of my head. 

 

He refuses to release me until I beat on his chest.When we separate, we are panting as my hand slides up and down his shaft and Levi eats me out like a man no longer denied food. 

 

“Don’t deny me kitten.My desire and love for you far supersedes the superficial love between your legs now.” 

 

I am close.Again Levi has brought me to the ecstasy my body craves, but my soul still feels starved. 

 

“You don’tlooo.....ha...haaaaa.......mmmmmnn....love me Erwin.”Then my body convulses again as my orgasm comes and Levi moves from under me to sit up and lick his fingers of the dripping fluid covering them.

 

“We still have one more orgasm to go my dear.Three orgasms for three days.I hope that will

change your mind about being angry I was gone and didn’t try to reach you.”

 

 

He then take my chin is his hand that is wet from his tongue and my sexand kisses me tenderly.“Forgive me my dear.”He kisses me again.“Forgive me.”

 

I smile against his lips as I turn and kneel in front of him on my hands and knees.Ready to push him down on the bed and ride him to his release, when Erwin’s strong hands grab my ass and slam them into his groin.

 

Though my walls were not loose enough to easily accept his size, they were slick enough from Levi’s recent ministrations and were more than capable of greasing the rod that demanded entry. 

 

I cry out silently as I grip the sheets and bend in half only making him penetrate me deeper.Never had Erwin taken what he wanted from me.He has always been a gentleman coaxing my pleasure from my willing body, but not tonight. 

 

Putting his hands at my true waist he pulls me upright and leans me against his chest where one hand fondles mybreast and the other pulls my legs wider apart before parting my lips and drawing circles over my clit. 

 

“You will cum for me because I wish it, because I desire you and because I’m unreasonably in love with you.I will make you mine or I will

break your body doing so, but you with taunt me and deny me your true love no longer.You were mine then and you are mine now.”His voice was deep as his lips caressed my neck. 

 

With every few words he would pump into me slowly making sure I took in every feeling his length gave me as it forced my walls to accept him.His size alone meant no thrust missed my spot and I was soon soaking him, and the bed, as fluids dripped freely from my core when he pulled out everything but his head with each thrust. 

 

“Tell me you don’t want me.Tell me you aren’t madly in love with me.Tell me.....tell me you

don’t feel like you did before we fell apart?”He sheathed me one last time before taking my chin gently in his hand and turning it so he could kiss me tenderly like he did that first day.

 

It was a kiss I had longed for since that last innocent kiss so long ago.Tears began falling from my eyes. 

 

“Rhey....Rhey I’m so sorry.Please believe me.Please......forgive me.....”. He placed his forehead against mine as the tears fell from his eyes as well.“I never stopped being in love with you.From the moment I first saw you.”He kissed me again but with fervor.I moaned against his lips before tangling my fingers in his hair from behind his head. 

 

“Erwin.....”

 

“Yes kitten?”His voice was breathy and his hand on my clit increased it’s movements. 

 

“I forgive you.Just do it right this time.”

 

“With pleasure, but I think for now we need to be a little dirty so why don’t you invite the Captain over and show him how much you forgive and love him too so we can all enjoy each other’s pleasure.”

 

I smile and bend down reaching out for Levi who walks over to me on his knees so I can envelop his length with my lips as my hand reaches around to play with his ass.

 

His hands immediately tangle in my hair as he sucks in air. 

 

“Now, I won’t bring you to orgasm until the Captain and I are close so be a good girl and make sure the captain enjoys himself thoroughly so I can slowly bring you to the pleasure you crave.” 

 

It wasn’t difficult to bring Levi to peak seeing as he had brought me to two orgasms and was painfully hard.All I had to do was stroke him evenly with my lips and tongue while creating a ring of pressure with my first two fingers, sliding them up and down with the rise and fall of my lips as my other hand periodically penetrated his ass so I could hit his prostrate now and then. 

 

Fortunately, having been both our lovers, Erwin knew how to time Levi’s and my orgasmso as he began to fuck my face, I began to fuck Erwin’s cock signaling our rapidly arriving g orgasms. 

 

“Erwin....”

 

“Rhey...”

 

“Fuck...”

 

And within moments of each other I was swallowing Levi’s cum in my mouth as I swallowed Erwins’ with my cunt. 

 

After a few breathless moments.I released Levi from my lips allowing him to sink to the bed before leaning back against Erwin who kissed down my neck and gently caressed my breasts and torso. 

 

Turning my head towards Erwin I gently but u see his chin.“Erwin.....”

 

“Hmmmm?”

 

“I want more.”I say in a pleading voice.

 

“Still insatiable I see.”He grins mischievously. 

 

“Well I’m going to take a shower and start on the unnecessarily large amount of paperwork our esteemed Commander seems to enjoy leaving me.The door will be open in case I decide to join you later or you happen to want me to join sooner. 

 

Levi sits up and comes over to kiss us both before grabbing his clothes and heading into his room, the door never closing.

 

Erwin licks my ear before whispering in a husky voice.“Shall we see how distracting we can be as I remind you just how in love with you I have been this whole time?”

 

I release him just enough to turn aroundstraddle him.“I bet so can still stay silent no matter what you do.”I tease.

 

“Challenge accepted.”He grins wickedly before pushing me down and proceeding to eat me out for the next hour and a half making me swear to every god known to man that he loves my silent screams the most.


	29. The Game of Thrones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So for those of you who have read to this point and haven’t given feedback, do me a solid and tell me what keeps you reading? I’d like feedback, especially since there are more sexually charged or content heavy stories out there that have more traffic/likes.
> 
> Thanks so much! 
> 
> <3 Rhey

Despite knowing where the Titans came from, Erwin sent out a search party lead by Hange to investigate.  We agreed keeping up pretense was vital.  We shouldn't know more than the government or else we risked tipping them off about the coup.  

 

When she got back, Erwin gave his report about the citizens of Ragako.  Since Levi and Erwin, as well as all of Squad Levi were alive and well, the Titans had not ravaged as much of Wall Rose as history indicated, preventing the temporary relocation of the survivors to the Underground.

 

The problem now was getting ahead of the rest of history.Pastor Nick was still alive, Sannes hadn’t been tortured, the fake abduction hadn’t taken place, etc etc.

 

Well at least that was the larger problem.On a personal level, I was having a hard time being in Erwin’s presence and NOT ending up on my back.It made getting anything done in person VERY difficult.Clearly the man had never been deprivedof anything in his life.Denied, yes.Deprived, no.Two DISTINCTLY different hungers.It had gotten to the point where he agreed to hear anything I had to say if and only if he could indulge in me first.We had tried waiting until I wasfinished with whatever business I came to discuss, but he couldn’t stay focused.I had pretty much become his worry stone.He did his best thinking when he could have his hands on me, as was the case now.Brought new meaning to hands on meeting.

 

Which brings us to the present.

 

I gave a relaxed and slightly needy sigh as my naked body leaned up against his bare chest, not that I had any choice seeing as I was kneeling in reverse over his hips as he sat on a desk in an unused office in HQ that he had dragged me into.His hand continued to gently circle my clit, penetrating my slit when a little extra slickness was needed, as he kissed across my shoulder and up my neck.His free hand held my hip to make sure I didn’t slip off, he didn’t slip out, and I couldn’t leave.

 

When his lips were at my jaw, I leaned my head into him and nuzzled against his cheek with the side of my head. 

 

“I promised myself I wouldn’t say this, but I missed you.”

 

With a groan he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the side of my head before hugging me tightly.“I’ve wanted you to say that ever since you left.”

 

His lips on my ear, the passion devoid of all lust, the strength of his arms as they squeezed, made everything else disappear.I was safe, secure, and vulnerable without letting down a single wall. 

 

“You know we do need to accomplish SOMETHING other than our own pleasure Commander.”I hold onto his arms and pull them against my chest, hugging him

back. 

 

“Levi and Hange can handle it.”He turns my head and captures my lips before tracing his tongue along their outside begging for entry.

 

I pull back and give him an exasperated look.“You say that every time....”. then his tongue is in my mouth and I lose the ability to speak as his hands move across my chest to fondle my still bare breasts, pinching the nipples periodically causing me to moan and arch my back. 

 

I can feel his erection regaining size inside me and I don’t even bother trying not to ride up and down it.As my hips begin to move, he slides us off the desk, setting me down gently before turning us around and bending me over the table. 

 

His hands gently take my hips as he slowly slides in and out of me. 

 

“The way I see it...” he runs his hands up my sides and down my back as he continues his steady rhythm “....our next best course of action...” he begins fondling my ass “....is to first talk with Historia, explaining everything.Once she has come to terms with her roll, we stage the abduction, while also destroying the cave they attempt to retreat to which forces them out into the open.Levi’s Squad will give chase, while my team waits at the cave to head them off.”

 

He bends over me and starts kissing down my back as he pulls my hips far enough from the desk that his hand can begin stimulating my clit. 

 

“Any questions kitten?” 

 

I smirk.It was amazing how laser focused he got when stimulated by something he was passionate about.“Just one.”

 

“And that is?I could hear the smile in his voice.

 

“Would you please flip me over so I can look at you and make love to you properly?”

 

———————————————

 

Once we were dressed and Erwin had kissed me a dozen times trying to tear himself away, preparations began for what we called Operation Divide and Conquer (D.C. for short, which held its own irony as in modern times that stood for disconnected which was the exact state of the government now as it ruled for its own preservation instead of the betterment of humanity).

 

For this mission, Levi’s Squad would confront Reeves about being an informant for Reis and proposition the exchange of Eren and Historia for a trade monopoly on luxury goods and the Reeves Company entering the Survey Corps side in the coup, ensuring their survival. 

 

Once the trade was finalized, the decoy would be sent out as planned and the capture would be ensured as well as Reeves’ death.IF, and that was a large if, all of this played out like it was supposed to, history would be allowed to continue up to the infiltration of the cave. 

 

My theory, which was shared by Erwin and Levi, was that the raid on Reis’s house didn’t matter since it happened regardless.It would not stop him from wanting to turn his daughter into the Founding Titan so he could take control of the government.The only thing that might change was his tactic to get there. 

 

All this story needed was a little constructive manipulation, my favorite kind.Unlike regular manipulation, which usually resulted from one person desiring control over someone or something for personal gain or the need to abuse their own power/self worth, constructive manipulation allowed for personal investment and error of the manipulated.I would take my knowledge and guide the scenario to its desired outcome, but put things in place to ensure it stayed on track while not making it seem like I was pulling the strings so all parties involved got to feel like they were still in control of the outcome. 

 

There was still the chance for scenes to veer off course, but Levi’s advanced knowledge would give him an upper hand.Would people still die?Most likely.That all fell into the ‘not looking like I was pulling the strings’ part.Could Levi decide to be heroic and try to save them?Absolutely.My only job was to set the scene and hand everyone the noose to hang themselves if they didn’t take my advice, then pick up the pieces when it was over. 

 

Personal investment, however, made constructive manipulation challenging.It was much easier to manipulate people you didn’t care about.

 

*knock knock* “Levi?It’s me can I come in?”

 

“Don’t be an idiot.”

 

I smile, open the door and enter.He was seated behind his desk looking over some documents.....at least he had been, but his eyes were now traveling all over my body.

 

“Lee, I have a very difficult favor to ask of you.”

 

He raises an eyebrow and watches me as I walk up to him and place myself between him and the desk before seductively sliding to my knees as I run my hands up his inner thighs. 

 

“I need to know that when you follow the decoys to the warehouse, you won’t try to stop the deaths of the squad you take with you.” 

 

I look at him before nuzzling his groin, forcing his mind to be distracted and not think to hard. 

 

“You are the key to getting Kenny where we need him.”I gently place my teeth around his growing erection outside his pants and bite down ever so slightly as I softly allow my hot breath to warm the area.

 

I hear him moan as he leans back in his chair and tangled his hands in my hair.“What makes you so special that I will willingly send my squad out to die.” 

 

I unbuckle and unzip his pants before, with his help, pull his pants and briefs below his knees so I have full access to the less rational brain. 

 

“This isn’t about me.It’s about making sure the mission goes successful and your secret need to never let anyone die could fuck it all up.”

 

I begin licking and caressing his shaft as his breathing increases and his hips subtly rock with my touch. 

 

“Your Lee-knowledge could ruin this, especially knowing Kenny will attack.I need your assurance you won’t interfere.”I suck on the tip as I pull gently on his sack causing him to gasp and dig his fingers into my skull.

 

“That’s absurd.Why would I......” then he moans loudly as I take him all in.“Fuck woman.Mmnnmnn.God damn.Your lips are even harder to refuse when they have me by the balls.”

 

“That was the point Captain.”I think to myself as I keep and excruciatingly slow pace. 

 

After a minute, I release him, running my tongue through his slit before looking up at him.“Promise me or I won’t let you touch me until Historia is on the throne.I will even stay in Erwin’s room every night to ensure your compliance.”

 

Levi scowls and tries to voice his opinion, but I take him fully again and begin setting an unforgiving pace as my fingers circle the base of his cock, creating a second tier of pleasure. 

 

Levi gasps and leans his head back before grabbing his arm rests and gripping them until his knuckles turn white. 

 

When he begins to grunt and his hips push harder into me I release him quickly, listening to his frustrated whine before I begin licking him again as I lock eyes with him.

 

“Please Levi.”I fidget like I’m ridiculously horny and need immediate release.“I need you to fuck me.Please just do what I ask so Erwin doesn’t have to take your place.I need you.”Then, not losing eye contact, I slip my lips over his tip before sliding millimeter by millimeter down his throbbing shaft. 

 

His eyes show a combination of lust and defeat letting me know I’ve won. 

 

With a groan laced with frustration and despair he caves.“Fuck you, you devious woman.I’ll do what you ask, but you are mine every night tondo with as I please until the mission begins. 

 

I hum my agreement and then finish what I had started. 

 

I could tell when I left he felt slightly dirty at selling lives for a solid BJ and repeated nights of pleasure, but at his core he knew my request was valid.Sex was just the pretty picture we used to not have to look at the ugliness yet to come and the nights leading up were what he needed to cope with murdering his squad.It was a small price to pay, one I knew Erwin would acquiesce to. 

 

The chess board was set and the white knights had moved the first pawn.Now we had to see how the black knights would respond. 

 

Let the Game of Thrones begin.


	30. Fools Mate

Note:  If I hadn't breached sensitive issues yet, I sure as hell am now.  That being said, know the following statement is a stage setter not necessarily a cannon belief on any level so no one get their panties in a bunch.  Just roll with it for the sake of the story.  It relates I promise.....eventually.

 

—————————————-

 

How much pain can the mind take, withstand or make us believe?  Is it based purely off of the force of the trauma inflicted or is there truly an emotional component that, when exceeded, shuts the brain down as a defense mechanism? 

 

It is my thought that the minds tolerance level is directly affected by both the physical severity of the trauma as well as the weighted emotional trauma as it is built up around the physical trauma.

 

For instance, the need and length of time an individual has to withstand the physical and mental abuse of domestic violence directly correlates with the emotional and spiritual strength of the individual as they react and form opinions about what is being done to them as well as their feelings regarding the person that is inflicting the damage. 

 

If this is the case, then a known attacker would potentially need to inflict more damage than an unknown attacker, making the brains resistance to "harm" higher for the known than the unknown.  (Think of the weighing of the soul from the anime Death Parade, which is easily one of my favorite mind fucks that you need to watch in full, and may need to watch to put this in perspective, not pussy out in the middle cause it's underlying meaning is total human nature to the core and an ugly truth.")

 

That also potentially means the difficulties of recovering from mental injuries incurred could also be greater.  If your attacker is someone trusted by you and your mind caves, your mind could resist recovery due to the mental strain of accepting and recovering from your injuries.  

 

And what if your injuries are so great that your mind retreats entirely, separating your current existence and fabricating another, safer one? It is a known fact that the brain recreates touch, taste, smell, and sound perfectly when we dream, otherwise orgasms in our sleep wouldn't work (which proves the fact that orgasms are on some level mental, but that's a topic for another story) and we wouldn't wet the bed when we are little because we swear to God we are actually going to the bathroom in our sleep and that we are awake and not sleeping. 

 

Can our minds really have so much control over our will, and our will to live be so feeble that we will believe whatever the brain tells our eyes to see?

 

It seems that is a question for you Alice, as we travel down the rabbit hole to find reality. 

 

—————————————

 

White pawn to F3

 

"You ready?"I reach a hand up to Erwin's cheek gently caressing the soft, freshly shaven face as I gaze lovingly into his eyes. 

 

"I'm ready for anything as long as it's with you."He takes my hand in his, kissing the bent fingers.

 

I smile and knock."Krista?It's Rhey and Erwin.May we come in?"Erwin asks warmly.

 

"Oh! Just a minute!" 

 

After a few moments of shuffling, the door opens."Please come in.You are welcome to sit on the bed."

 

"You and Rhey sit there, I'll take the chair."

 

"Of course Commander.What can I do for you?"

 

"We actually came to talk.It seems, something has come up in your file when we updated it that I wanted to discuss with you."

 

Her eyes go wide, but I place a hand on her shoulder as I pivot to face towards her on the edge of the bed."It isn't bad, just something unexpected and will change your life even if we don't tel you."

 

"I see."She says and I can see the anxiety and fear in her eyes.Taking her hands in mine I squeeze them and smile."Erwin and I are here to help, but we also need your help in return.Will you hear us out?"

 

She looks at Erwin as if for reassurance and he nods, which seems to relax her."Of course.Please go ahead."

 

Black pawn to H4

 

"This is all so overwhelming."She says as she looks at Erwin confused. 

 

"I'm sure it is, but I can assure you it is all true.All we ask is that when your father takes you, you feign ignorance and let him tell you everything.We aren't asking you to believe us, only to not fight the course of history as it is laid out."

 

She begins chewing her lip and wringing her hands.

 

"Do you trust me Krista?"

 

She looks up shocked as tears form in her eyes.

 

"Until the day you accept your rule, you are Krista Lenz, a cadet of Squad Levi and a valuable member of the Survey Corp.No one is asking to take that away from you."Erwin says with a slight smile.

 

"Thank you Commander.I will do as you ask and review my options when the time comes."

 

"That is all we ask.That and for you to be safe."

 

White Knight to G4

 

Rhey was right.  Once the trap had been set, the abduction played out as she said it would.  It didn't matter that we had raided the Reis house ahead of schedule.  If anything they knew we had taken the serum and were continuing with the kidnaping to fake barter for it, while still planning to kill us all. 

 

Kill.  The word that brought me back to the present as I sat atop the roof of the small warehouse the decoys were in.  Since I knew Kenny was coming, I had told my team not to utter a word, that there could be an ambush.  They were smart and didn't disobey, making it much easier for me to camp and listen for the almost silent footfalls.  The footfalls that would be hampered by the loosened roof tiles I marked with a white speck of paint so they looked like bird shit. 

 

Each time I saw one my dick throbbed as is keenly felt the presence of Rhey's lips as she sucked me off night after night as I promised her I would be a good boy and let my team die. 

 

I would.....if it warranted it.  Telling them not to step in bird shit on the roof that they would track back into every place they went in HQ wasn't an out of the ordinary "request" and punishing them with cleaning said shit from every exterior surface for a week should they disobey also shouldn't give off red flags. 

 

Sorry love, but what you don't know won't ......

 

*scrape*

 

I quickly turned to the sound and gave the signal....

 

When we get back I have to work on reaction time I thought as I ducked behind the chimney as a gunshot goes off, the spray from the shoddy tearing off half of Nifa's face before her body plummets to the ground below. 

 

All I can barely think is FUCK, before the chase begins.

 

——————————

 

It took all the tricks I had and I still only barely made it out alive.  Granted Rhey hadn't memorized the exact fight scene move for move, but saying it was intense was an understatement. 

 

I was tired....irritated.....and not in the mood to deal with Reeves.  Peaceful negotiations weren't my thing. 

 

"I already know why you did this so just shut up and listen."  I said deadpan with a slight irritated voice.  "You are going to join forces with us, leading the military police on by making them think that you are double crossing us by giving them all of us.  They will then lead us to Eren and Historia, where we will take out the MP and leave you blameless.  Your life seems like a fair trade for betraying the very civilization you preach to uphold."

 

"The people hate you."  Reeves spat.

 

"They don't hate me, and even if they did I couldn't give a fuck.  They hate the Survey Corps because the government is spreading vicious lies about us that you are furthering with your actions!  Do you even know why they want Eren and Historia?"  There was venom in my voice as I knelt and brought my face inches from his. 

 

"Why would they tell me that?."  He flared at me with an ignorance only the weak carry.

 

"I guess they wouldn't, but I bet this little rendezvous you are going to set up will involve someone who knows the answer to that."I grin maliciously.

 

————————————

 

Black Queen to H4

 

It was decided at the plans origin that, should Stannis still be present at the rendezvous, capture, some form of torture and betrayal was still necessary so witnesses could attest to his confession should the need arise.As a result, Stannis was still captured and tortured lightly before his confession about Historia's true origins were revealed. 

 

At the same time this was happening, Erwin and his team were moments away from engaging with Reis and Kenny as Levi and his squad followed them to the cave under the chapel.They had blown up the entire cave right after their talk with Historia, which was at the same time Kenny and Levi were playing chase around the city.So far we had the upper hand.Now all we had to do was head off Reis' attempt to monopolize humanity for his own ends.

 

———————————

 

"Remember the plan is to free Eren and capture as many as we can alive.The top priority other than Eren is keeping Reis alive."

 

"Yes commander!"Erwin's team salutes. 

 

"Good, now get ready, they could be here any moment."

 

It took less than an hour for Reis and Kenny to arrive.When they did, Erwin's team surrounded them as they parked their wagon at the church. 

 

"Where are the scouts Kenny?The place is deserted?"

 

"We relieved them of their posts Reis."Erwin said in a hard voice as his team came into view from the surrounding foliage.

 

"Aren't you outside your jurisdiction Commander seeing as your Squad has been disbanded and labeled as traitors?"Reis asks with a naive superiority.

 

"Uh sir?We should probably transport the goods before uh ....you know."

 

"By all means, remove Eren and Historia from those coffins in the back and while you are at it, tell her about her history.I'm sure she is dying to hear if from her father, though I would do it quick before she literally does die."

 

"And who the fuck are you?"Kenny asks after hopping down from the tailgate of the wagon and pointing a gun at the hooded figure with the female voice that begins walking towardsReis, who is standing next to the wagon.

 

When the hood raises, sunrise Emirates, which gives me enough time to walk up and place my forehead against the gun. "Just a girl trying to keep the peace as well as everything she loves.What's your dream Kenny?Wasn't it to obtain URI's powers for yourself hidden in the very founding Titan Eren has within him?" 

 

Kenny balks, giving me enough of an opening to disarm him of his gun, a trick Levi taught me using a knife.Pointing it at him, my face goes cold."Did you tell Reis you always planned to betray him by stealing the serum for yourself?"

 

Reis looked at Kenny in shock and despair."Is this true?"

 

"Oh shut up Reis it's not like you told anyone your daughter, who is dying in that casket, is the true heir to the throne e that is currently inhabited by a puppet king controlled by the government to suppress humanity."I interjected before Kenny could respond. 

 

Reis then looks at me."Are you the one that raided my house?"

 

"That would be me."Levi said as he and his team exited the clearing with guns at the ready. 

 

Overwhelmed, Reis falls to the ground as Kenny looks on in disgust. 

 

"Captain, would you be so kind as to have your men release Eren and Historia?"Erwin commanded never letting his eyes off Kenny or his team. 

 

"You heard the man."Levi barked as two of his squad tentatively entered the wagon and released the two captives. 

 

"Now, gentleman, I recommend we just settle this peacefully since all the cats are out of the bag."

 

Kenny stares at me a while longer as Levi stares at him and Erwin stares at his team. 

 

"The cave is destroyed.It wont be of any use now Reis."

 

Then Historia exits the wagon. 

 

"Historia?Are you alright?" Reis says with surprise.

 

She just stares at him confused.

 

"I propose a truce until She hears the truth from her father directly then so she doesn't feel we were just blowing smile up her ass."I say as she and I lock eyes.

 

"Yes, I would like that.I have a right to know."

 

"Tsk." Kenny mouths."A truce, butchaperones from each side monitor."

 

"Suits me."I saw matter of factly before nodding to Levi."The two of you then since you are more likely to kill each other before anyone else."

 

—————————

 

2 hours later, Historia exits the chapel with a stern look followed by Reis in cuffs, held by Kenny while Levi takes up rear guard. 

 

"My father is to be arrested for treason.Kenny has pledged his allegiance to me and agrees to assist in overthrowing the government.He also knows his life, and that of his team, are forfeit if he betrays me."

 

I then walk up to her and take her hand before kneeling before kissing it."What are your orders my queen?"

 

Everything goes silent before all the pieces fall, taking a knee in agreed loyalty. 

 

"Let's take back humanity one Titan at a time both human and monster." 

 

Then I release her hand and rise, a wave of bodies following me. 

 

"As you command, so it shall be done."

 

Checkmate.


	31. Castles In The Sky Pt. 1

[Castle - Halsey](https://youtu.be/1rfSHisyHdc)

 

Note: To me the song above sets the stage.I recommend you listen to it entirely before reading. <3

————————————————————

 

What does it mean "to go to war"?  What does it mean "to overthrow"?  Is it just one petulant child's dream versus another as we struggle to survive with ideals we may not even fully comprehend?  On the day Historia accepted her rule, the earth stood still and the seas parted.  The planets aligned and the world turned on it's axis.  Maybe not literally, but in ways that would reverberate well beyond the confines of our little version of Paradise. 

 

Kenny, Levi, Erwin, Historia and I rode back in the wagon with Reis (who Levi knocked out to ensure he didn't overhear anything).We decided that Levi would

take Reis to be confined at the facility Annie and the others were being held at then meet us at one of Reeves' warehouse located near the inner most wall of the city. 

 

I didn't trust Kenny farther than I could throw him.He was an opportunist at heart, but I also recognized the lineage was a valuable one so here he was and here he shall stay.....right where I can see him.  I wasn't willing to let him into the deepest inner circle, but he had the key to the castle gates and I had the army.  Certainly concessions had to be made.

 

————————————

 

When we got to the warehouse, we gathered anything to sit on in a circle and began deliberations. 

 

"So as an act of good faith, why don't you tell us what you know about the true royal family and the history of the world Kenny."  I say matter of factly.

 

"What makes you think I know anything?"  His arms cross his chest, though his legs stay separated as he sits on a box.  I was used to defensive behavior so I wasn't surprised by his deflection.

 

"What I know of you doesn't suggest a stupid man.  Even if you weren't told, I'm sure you know by less than honorable means."

 

He barks a laugh before smiling.  "That's true.  I'm not sure why you think I would divulge that to you though, especially in 'good faith'."

 

"You see the thing about good faith Kenny...." I sigh and hold the bridge of my nose with my fingers in an exaggerated manner “....is it symbolizes a unified trust between people aiming at

the same goal.  It's a concept that embodies trust and it doesn't really require the act that usually accompanies it."  I raise my head and look at him.  "It suggest a desire for loyalty beyond one person, beyond a single identity.  It

is a selfless act that benefits a larger body of like minded."

 

I stay quiet a moment letting that sink in before continuing.  "I don't really need you to tell me, what I needed was to

know how willing you were to give of yourself for someone/something else."

 

I rise and begin walking the circumference of the circle we have created.  "You see I already know, thanks to personal written accounts recovered by Levi prior to our meeting at the Reis house, the hidden history of the Subjects of Ymir as well as Marley's need for natural resources and their use of Titans to eradicate/depopulate/suppress the hidden threat they pose.  All present also know the threat Eren poses to everyone inside the wall should Marley get their hands on him." 

 

I have walked to stand behind Kenny as I look out at the crowd of men and women who have sworn their lives to humanity.  "The real question is, Kenny, who do you believe is right? Who do all of you believe is right?  Is it the Subjects of Ymir who came to power and suppressed the Marleyans with their thirst for dominance, drunk on their power? Or

Is it the Marleyans who now fight to eradicate the last lineage of Ymir in an attempt to dominate the world as they twist history and suppress their citizens fostering hate and cruelty as a coping

mechanism?  Which world creates peace?  Which world avoids chaos?"

 

The room remains silent, except for the creek of the door as Levi enters and nods to me.

 

"I believe, as I hope you all do, that neither is right.  I believe in a world that unified both.  A world that harnesses the power of the Titan to assist in the development and expansion of humanity, building bridges and dams like Ymir did at the coming of her power.  I also believe it is a world that only a woman can envision and rule, which is why I support Historia as the true Queen and ruler.  She has shown to be sound of mind and objective, not allowing her feelings to cloud her judgement." 

 

I begin walking the rest of the way until I stand behind Historia, whom I place my hands on her shoulders in support as Levi comes to stand at my right while Erwin stands at my left.

 

"To the third option.  To the castle in the sky, the castle of heaven where all men are equal."

 

Then I salute with my fist to my chest as the other remains at Historia's shoulder. 

 

A second later the boys follow suit, creating a wave that travels around the circle at the same pace until it lands on Kenny, whose arms remain crossed, breaking the chain.

 

"Quite a lot of pull you have little lady."  His eyes pierce mine, but I don't flinch.  "Power like that is dangerous in the wrong hands."

 

"You are mistaken to think it is my power alone, which it is not.  I am merely the orchestrator, while these men and women live and die by the ideals we believe in.  I have not forced anyone to be here, not even you.  It is through their own choices and wisdom."

 

"Is that so?"  Kenny looks at Levi, who remains stone faced and rigid. "I remember when you didn’t trust anyone.  How is it she stole your reason?"  Kenny asked with curiosity.

 

"She didn't steal it, she earned the right to become it."

 

More than anything in that moment, it was Levi's words that united the room.  They may all fear him, but they NEVER questioned him.  He was unwavering and absolute. 

 

Kenny sighed.  "I taught you to use, to distrust, to act on instinct, and to survive when no one else could.  If it's one thing I trust about you, it's that your instincts exceed reason.  If a brat like you is all in, then I guess it's worth buying into."  Kenny tips his hat, the true sign of a mercenary. 

 

I nod back and squeeze Historia's shoulder.  "With that settled, we need to finalize the coup d'etat."

 

I turned to Erwin, who nodded and dismissed everyone but Levi, himself, me, Historia and Kenny.When the room was silent we began to plan.It would require finesse, timing, trust and no back doors. 

 

It took most of the night, but a plan was devised.The following day we would storm the castle and quiet the king hidden behind walls of human flesh and stone. 


	32. Castles In the Sky Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going forward this story is being dedicated to Murph, whose undying support made all of  
> This possible. Love you Murph!

*Silence*

 

My finger traces slowly down the indented spine of the hardback that lays closed in front of me with the intimacy I would give a lover.  My eyes lazily resting on its title, my chin resting on my propped elbow as I sit at the desk in an empty room awash in candlelight. 

 

Tonight it is not the story that is important, but the feeling of release only the unturned pages can give me.  As Erwin works diligently behind the scenes to ensure all players are in place and Levi stays holed up in his office scratching away at paperwork, I find myself in the thrall of my own thoughts. 

 

When my finger reaches the base of the spine, my thumb comes to rest on the covers base before tracing its length.  It is rough and worn, with slight fraying at the corner, exhibiting a reclusive love shared only on nights like this. 

 

I smile faintly as my thumb comes to rest on the corner, toying with lifting it up to reveal the barren, heartfelt pages of the authors unrequited passion. 

 

So lost in the tactile, I had forgotten how enrapturing it was to lose my mind and heart completely to my own imagination.   It was daunting in a way, having lived so lasciviously up until now in this world documented in the very object I lay my hands on. 

 

As my mind began to wander, my fingers turned the cover slowly of their own volition.  With the cover laid bare, my finger tips traced its empty surface once before my thumb captured the next page and turned it. 

 

I couldn't help but feel that in turning these pages, I was moving forward in a story whose outcome I didn't know, not just because I hadn't read it but because I hadn't lived it.  It was a bitter sweet thought as my mind rebelled against moving forward not wanting to break the spell of the things I knew and could control.  It was easy to get lost in the men and history I knew, dragging them out so I could ignore all the insecurities that existed outside my own walls. 

 

"Watching you with that book makes me jealous.....and curious.  Is that how you look at me when we are alone and intimate?"

 

I give a slight start before meeting Levi's eyes as he leans on the doorframe with his arms crossed.

 

"How long have you been standing there staring?"  I close the book, locking my thoughts back in the depths of my awareness. 

 

"Ever since you starting running your finger down the spine."  I can tell he is pouting by the slight downturn to his lips.

 

"I swear.  You secretly enjoy watching just as much as doing I think."  Then I rise and walk around to the front of the desk to lean on it as I face him fully.

 

"Are you finished with your paperwork?"

 

"There was a lot to finalize before tomorrow.  Things need to be sent out to ensure if something happens.....". Then he walks towards me and places his hand on my cheek.  "I've hardly seen you these last few days, let alone shared any intimacy."

 

I lean into his touch.  "I'm sorry my dear,  but you will have to bear with it a while longer."  I tilt my head and kiss his palm.  "I actually wanted your thoughts on tomorrow.  I have a sinking feeling in my gut that something is out of place.  Like I forgot something."

 

He places a hand at my lower back.  "Maybe I can jog your memory as I make you pay for ignoring me."  His lips drawing dangerously close to my neck.

 

My hand goes up at the last second forcing his lips to kiss the tips of my fingers.  "I'm serious Lee."

 

He pulls back and looks in my eyes, which are slightly laced with a fear I do not understand. 

 

Sighing, he takes my hand and guided us to the bed where he lays down against the wall before pulling me down next to him.  "What's bothering you."

 

I untuck his shirt and slide a hand underneath to rest on his chest, my thumb mindlessly stroking back and forth.  "That after we take the castle....I don't know what happens next."

 

He brushes the hair from my face before running his thumb across my chin the same way I had the base of the book.  "You don't have to know everything.  It makes the rest of us look bad."

 

I laugh slightly, the tension in my soul broken.  "I guess you are right.  Course you make yourself look bad without my help." 

 

His eyes go wide a second before he pushes me onto my back, his eyes piercing mine as his lips turn up at the corners.  "Says the shitty brat who can't defend herself to save her life still."

 

We stay like that a moment, me on my back with my arms bent like I got caught in the middle of making the Y in YMCA and him leaning over me with all his weight resting on his right arm and side. 

 

His thumb comes up to brush my cheek as a sadness clouds his eyes.  "You know I'm even more worried than you.  If you don't know what's going to happen I have no way to know if I can protect you from it."

 

He kissed me then, not with the intent to make love, but to try and come to terms with his own sadness.  As our lips met softly over and over, a tear fell unexpectedly onto my cheek.  As I brought a hand to wipe them from his eyes, he pinned my hands and continued to kiss me until the tears fell freely from his eyes.  He was exhausted and emotionally spent, leaving me with one option.  Wrapping my arms around him tightly, I squeezed him. 

 

A few hours later, when he was sure I was asleep, Levi crept out of my room and knocked on Erwin's door. 

 

"Come in."

 

"Were you able to acquire it all?"  Levi asked quietly.

 

"One way or another, yes."  Erwin replied without emotion as he sat at his desk scribbling away.  "It's daunting to think that after this we will be back to living in the dark."

 

"If we survive at all.  Are we really going to risk our lives this way?  He could be leading us into a trap."

 

"Do you think he is?"  Erwin set down his pen and turned to Levi.

 

"As far as that goes, no.  Do I think he has told us everything?  No.  He never plays his whole hand."

 

"Fair enough."  Erwin turns back to the page he had just signed his name to.  It was the official document naming Hange his successor should he die in the line of duty.

 

"How much time do we have?"  He asked, his eyes never leaving the page.

 

"Two more hours.  The missives have already gone out.  Are you having second thoughts?"

 

Erwin shakes his head once side to side.  "Historia may become our ruler, but Rhey is our Queen.  As her knight and champion I will follow her anywhere even if this is as far as she is prepared to go.  I believe in her and her insight and trust that the choices she helps us make will lead humanity to its eventual salvation.  Good or bad, this plan must succeed."

 

“Long as you are sure about this.I’m the last person who would take your dream from you.”Levi turns and walks to the door before stopping and glancing back.“I’ll make sure they are ready.Take all the time you need.”Then Levi leaves, leaving Erwin to his thoughts. 

 

Time crawls slowly, yet Erwin doesn’t move until the sky hints at the first dawning of the sun.He looks out on the world he’s known, the world he is still able to know thanks to Rhey.It’s a world filled with chaos, but also hope. 

 

He stares a moment more and then rises to leave his room quietly via the door that adjoins his and Rhey’s room.Once he passes the thresh hold he looks at her door, which is open.In the morning things would be different.They would no longer be able to bask in each other’s presence, living for the simple moments.They would have responsibilities that, at times, would take them far away from each other for unknown amounts of time.They would be at the mercy of

The kingdom and it’s queen, not solely just the people. 

 

He had relished those moments, even the ones where he lost her because they were simpler times.Even if they were ugly, they were nothing compared to what he knew they were about to face.He wanted to savor these moments while they lasted.

 

Walking quietly to her room, he carefully slid under the covers on the other side of

the bed, just like he did that first night they were together when all that serrated them was a towel. 

 

Once he was was under the covers, he slid up against her back, her body responding instinctively as she turned into him and curled against his chest.

 

She was so precious, so innocent in her strength, so humble in her weakness.He brushed his lips against the top of herhead as he wrapped his arm around her waist.He didn’t ha e long he knew, but the time he had would have to be enough.

 

As the sun came up he whispered a silent “I love you” in her ear before sliding out of bed and leaving. 

 

———————————

 

They awoke with the feeling she had just missed someone, but couldn’t tell who.She dressed quickly, but not in her scout gear.Instead she wore her work dress and high heels, making sure she looked perfect for the battle of wills ahead. 

When she was ready, he took one last look at the empty rooms and sighed before heading to the castle gates, the place that would mark the end of her past and the beginning of an known future. 

 

When she arrived at the steps she held her closed hand to her heart, sighed and offered a silent prayer.“Father if you arewith me in this world beyond reality, grant me your strength to face what lies ahead without faltering, without caving to trepidation and with the people I love.”

 

Then she climbed the steps to the throne room, shedding her doubts as out of the shadows men filed in line behind her dressed in black gear and cloaks. 

 

We would live by the sword and die in flames as we rebuilt this world from the ashes that remain. 


	33. Our Kingdom Come

Our Father, Who art in Heaven

Hallowed be Thy name;

Thy Kingdom come,

Thy will be done

On earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread;

And forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive those who trespass against us;

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil.

Amen

——————————————

 

Not a single person stopped us. 

 

Not a single person was there to stop us.

 

As my heels clicked on the stone floor, the heavy foot fall of the Queen's Elite: The Knights of Eden, fell in time behind me.It was easy to feel drunk with power, and I couldn't say the thrall didn't grip me with each step we got closer to the doors.

 

To say we were on a crusade for humanities survival was an understatement.To say we wished to rule for ourselves alone was fallacy.We were few, but we were united and I knewonce everything came to light, the people would follow.

 

Nothing convinces like collective depravity and global disinterest in the human condition.I kept this in my heart as I arrived at the throne room doors.

 

Giving one last deep breath, I swung them open, capturing the room by surprise, my second favorite weakness to exploit, as I walked in, leaving my cloaked entourage behind.

 

“Gentleman, my apologies for interrupting what I’m sure was a titilating conversation.For those of you who don’t know me, I am Rhey and as you can see, I am from outside the walls.”

 

As the shock and surprise wafted across the room, I counted to three and continued, capitalizing on the momentum but never risking losing it.

 

“As perceptive as I am sure you want to believe you are, you can tell no one stopped me and my comrades from crashing your party.”

 

All eyes flit to the doorway where the black cloaked figures stand motionless.

 

“No sense calling for the MP, they are otherwise occupied for you see as of daybreak....”

 

The slow, purposeful click of my heels resonating as I walk towards a window resound. 

 

“.....a little manifesto seems to have plagued the city with the proclamation that...”

 

I turn my head to the king. 

 

“......the kingdom of smoke and mirrors has fallen with its false king and the Queen of Eden he risen to lead humanity to its true Paradise.”

 

My hand gestures towards the door, all eyes following, as the slender figure of Historia parts from the men standing outside and walks, decked resplendently in royal garb, towards the throne.

 

“The way I see it gentlemen, you can step down quietly or...”

 

I snap my fingers and the figures file in, spreading out to line the walls before removing their cloaks to show the Elites from every squad equipped with the new ODM gear, their hands resting folded at

their chest or casually on their pistols. 

 

“......be good little guinea pigs for the new ODM live test.”

 

I can see them thinking, but it is Pixis who speaks first. 

 

“On the assumption your accusations are true, how do your efforts now not violate Clause 6 of the Charter of Humanity which clearly states that “Thou shalt not prioritize ones own gain over the longevity of humanity”?

 

“I am glad you asked General.Rhey, thank you for the introduction.”

 

Historia crosses her hands in front of her before her passionate, steely gaze locks on Pixis.“Through much deliberation last night and over the last few days, I have come to understand the severe depravity this government had held us hostage with.It is true that if an attack breached the second wall and all the residents flee to our inner sanctum, we would all die of starvation within a week.”

 

Her eyes begin to scan the crowd, daring someone to correct her. 

 

“Knowing this, how has the current ruling party not created or supported a strategy for reclaiming the land taken by the Titans?Should it not be the the governments policy to pool together an emergency fund to support a civilization in crisis so it can reach sustainability?By not doing this, haven’t they themselves not breached this very same clause?By hoarding their wealth, willingly sacrificing humanity and turning a blind eye to the desolation festering at their doorstep, they continue to violate humanities very laws of survival.”

 

She turns her eyes back to Pixis.“So tell me generals.Who is willing to come with me, who is willing to go quietly....”

 

Then the guns raise and point to each general in the room as well as the king.

 

“.....and whose willing to die trying to salvage a lie?”

 

Pixis, being the humanitarian he is, walks towards Historia and takes her hand to kiss it, before standing wordlessly behind her.Zackley is the next to follow suit.

 

The rest of the room stared at each other before Levi rolls his eyes and shoots a test pop into the ceiling, earning him a glare from the Queen and a silent laugh from me. 

 

“Some time today gentlemen or I fear you won’t walk out regardless.”Historia says politely but firmly.

 

The room looks amongst itself once more, before they scurry outside with the king. 

 

Historia shakes her head before nodding at Kenny who tips his hat and vanishes. 

 

There can be no survivors.It was agreed that anyone who didn’t pledge loyalty would die and their property forfeited to support the military and the people.Repairs were needed and expeditions to reclaim lost land were vital.Humanity had to survive, but you had to spend money to make money sometimes. 

 

The king would be executed publicly after admitting to his sins.Everyone needed a beginning and an end and the people deserved a tangible transition. 

 

With the coupe over, I walked to Historia.I could tell she was trying not to shake as she stared at the throne.

 

“You did incredibly well.Soon you won’t even need my advice.”I smiled as she looked at me wide eyed.“Not to worry, even if that is true I don’t plan on deserting you.”I lean in and whisper in her ear. “Besides, I don’t want those two hunting me down in those if I tried to.”I motion to Levi and Erwin causing us both to laugh.

 

When she had composed herself, she hugs me and then walks to the throne.As she arrived at her destiny she stops.If you have never faced your fears, faced the catalyst that shifts your life in a new direction, stared it in the face and committed with your entire soul to it and everything it entails, even the things you don’t know or can’t foresee, you could never understand what went through her mind before she turned, closed her eyes and sat down. 

 

When she finally opened her eyes and rested her hands on the arm rests, a collective sigh traveled the room. 

 

“What is your first wish Magesty?” I ask to bridge the the gap between past and present.

 

“I wish to hear from my people.I do not care the grievance.Once the king has been executed, let me hear their voices so I may feel the life blood of my kingdom.I will not abandon them to security.Nor will I lie to them.We need to be of one mind, one heart.”

 

“As you wish.And the military?” 

 

“Once we have finalized loyalty, the scouts begin Operation Reclamation.Erwin!Levi!”

 

The men step forward and take a knee before addressing the Queen.“Majesty!”They salute.

 

“Are you still positive you have people in place that can make this Operation a success since your efforts will be here with me?”

 

“Yes Ma’am!”Their finality is absolute.

 

“Good.Then it’s our job to prepare for war.I need you Erwin to partner with Pixis and Zack to see what is needed to bolster our defenses.Levi, you are in charge of ensuring training is up to par.I need everyone able to use the ODM guns or at least some firearms as we can’t be sure rebellion won’t rear its ugly head.Transition is never flawless.”

 

The two salute.

 

“Report to me with progress regularly, I leave when up to you.Please make sure I hear something each week though.The rest I will discuss with Rhey.Dismissed.”

 

The room salutes and then files out, leaving Levi to glance back at me before closing the door. 

 

Nothing was more reassuring than his eyes and I smiled slightly before I lost sight of him. 

 

Now was our time.May our sins be forgiven and the light of redemption awash us in new found glory and salvation. 


	34. The Light Side Has Cake

When the room was silent, Historia turned to me and made her first request. 

 

“Rhey?I have a request.”

 

I bow slightly.“If it is in my power to grant Majesty I will be happy to.”

 

“Though I do not doubt your or the Eites ability to take care of me against human threats, I worry about their ability against Titans once the threat arrives.”

 

I cross my arms and listen.

 

“They are all exceptionally skilled, but I would feel better if I had a personal guard who was also my attendant.....”. Then her eyes met mine and the lightbulb went off.

 

“......and a Titan.You want Ymir to be with you as your ace.”I smile.“I think that is an excellent idea and I’m not sure why I didn’t think of it myself.I will make the necessary preparations and have her transferred.” 

 

“Thank you Rhey.”

 

“It is my pleasure, Majesty.Is there anything else?”

 

“No.That is all.”

 

“Then let me escort you to your rooms.I will have Ymir sent there.”

 

With the immediate business taken care of, me and two of her Elite, walk her to her rooms.When she is safely inside, the two remain posted outside.Now all I had to do was find Ymir.

 

Fortunately, she was still with us.When the Queen brought her up, I realized it was a distinct possibility that she could have faded away and headed back to Marley of her own volition or gone to pass the knowledge of our plans to the enemy.The second was still a possibility, but I would make sure Historia knew not to trust her implicitly. 

 

She had snuck out and was currently at one of the few dive bars still running inside the walls.

 

“May I join you?”I asked pleasantly.

 

“She put her drink down and then looked at me before nodding and returning her eyes to the vacant spot on the wall in front of her.

 

“I’ll get right to the point.”I said as I motioned for the bar tender.“The Queen wishes you to become her personal attendant/guard.You will live with her in her quarters and guard her with your life.Is that something I can trust you to do.....” then I place my lips to her ear “......since I know you are a Titan sent from Marley to capture Eren and destroy our kingdom?”Then I move my lips away and watch as her widened eyes turn to me.

 

“Well can I?”I take a drink from the mug I ordered not breaking eye contact.“If you want to run now is the time, but if you love her as much as I know you do you will do as she asks.Just know I expect you to be loyal to her and her alone.You will be her last line of defense and I expect you to act in her best interest not the kingdoms.The kingdom is our responsibility.That should make it easy for you to switch sides.”

 

I can see the wheels turning in her head, which thankfully isn’t clouded by whatever she is drinking.

 

We sit there staring at each other for several moments before she breaks the stare and looks into her drink.

 

“When we first came here, our only objectives were to capture the Founding Titan and to return with Annie and any others captured from the squad.It was purely recon and not anything large scale.As things progressed, that objective got clouded, the mission much darker.That’s also when I began.....”

 

She sits there quiet a moment and a smile before placing a hand on her back.“I get it, you don’t have to tell me.Actually if that wasn’t the case, you would be dead or captured and we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”

 

She turns to look at me with relief, not from knowing she wasn’t captured or dead, but because I understood. 

 

“Does that mean you will come to the light side then?We have caaaake.”I give her my cheesiest smile and she laughs. 

 

“I’d do anything for Historia.She is more than my Queen.”

 

“Of that I have no doubt.”Now wasn’t the time to address Historia’s eventual need to marry and create an heir.That wasn’t a pitch that was going to help seal this deal.For now, I would let them have their bond.The future was for rebuilding, the present was for throwing things to the wind. 

 

We finished our drinks and parted ways, Ymir to gear up as an Elite before going to Historia, me to find Levi and Erwin.We had several things to discuss before the day was over and it already felt like lifetimes were slipping through our hands with each tick of the clock.

 

———————————————

 

“Are you sure she can be trusted?”Levi asked skeptically back in our joint suite as Inlay sprawled on the couch. 

 

“I told her we had cake.”

 

Erwin busted out laughing and Levi tsk’ed in annoyance. 

 

“Seriously can she be?”

 

I sigh.“My woman’s intuition says yes.You will have to decide if you believe it or not.”

 

Levi rolls his eyes.

 

“Don’t be salty Captain.I seriously doubt she will betray us knowing she is in love with Historia.”

 

Their eyes go wide.

 

“Yes I know that will complicate things later, but I hate being a hypocrite.”

 

“She does have a point there.” Erwin chimes in as Levi just stands there tight lipped.

 

“We were loyal to begin with though.”He finally says through gritted teeth. 

 

“But some could say I wasn’t being an outsider just like she was.If Erwin hadn’t seen something in me that first day I could have found myself living in a cell.”

 

The room goes quiet before Levi comes to sit on the couch, moving my legs to his lap so he can touch me but not make me uncomfortable.Erwin moves to sit on the arm rest at my head which allows me to wrap an arm around his hips so my hand gently brushes up and down his thigh in a loving gesture. 

 

We would have to build this realm on love, faith and unfulfilled promises.It was risky, but if it payed off we had the support to sustain us well into the future. 

 

As we sat there not saying anything, I was forced to a acknowledge the anxiety that was brewing under the surface.

 

“Since we are being honest, I want you both to know how terrified I am of losing you both somehow in the moments yet to come.” 

 

As they both look at me, my eyes begin to tear up.

 

Erwin is the first to place his hand at my cheek, which I reach for and kiss as the tears begin to fall.Levi then lay down against me, placing his cheek over my heart and taking my free hand and placing it at his lips. 

 

“Levi and I know the risks and we are grateful every day for the time you continue to give us.We won’t squander any moment not loving you.Even if our duty takes us miles away, our hearts will be with yours.Even if one day you are no longer with us, we won’t stop loving you.”

 

That’s when I break down and bawl.I wasn’t ready to accept a life without them, though I doubted I ever would be.I had spent the last several days throwing myself into the coup that I had forgotten entirely the reality of my situation. 

 

When the tears finally stopped I dragged them both to bed.I needed to feel something so the emptiness wouldn’t swallow me whole and luckily neither objected. 

 

————————————-

 

When I awoke the next morning, even before my eyes opened, I could tell something was different.The air smelled stale, the room had an odd buzzing sound and the sun seemed artificial.No longer could I smell the familiar scent of the Commanders aftershave or the Captain’s detergent. 

 

Fear gripped me as my mind raced to remember what happened after visiting Historia last night, but the only thing that came to mind was the feeling of the men I love curled up next to me until I fell asleep.So what was going on?

 

I took a deep breath and counted to 10.There were worse things to run away from than reality......or was there?


	35. Broken Dreams

1......

2......

3!......3!......3 GOD DAMNIT!

 

It was no use.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't open my eyes.  They felt.....stuck....almost heavy......and my body......it was like I was dead, but still conscious.  I could sense the lighting in the room, feel the cool temperature on my skin of the flat possibly metallic platform I was on but I could not move.  I didn't feel strapped down by anything, just immobile. 

 

Trying to calm myself, I focused on my breathing.  As my mind began to calm, I listened carefully for any signs of what my surroundings were, but nothing else seemed alive.That meant all I could do was wait. 

 

I have no idea how much time passed, but eventually a door opened and a figure came to stand beside me.  After rustling some papers, he put a finger on my arm and wiggled something that caused a dull pain.  When he was satisfied, he moved to my eyes and began feeling around their rim, gently pressing in places periodically. 

 

This process continued as he lifted something covering my body and began examining my sides, my pelvis, behind my knees, and the joints in my toes.  Everywhere he touched felt sore and a few places lanced with pain that made my mind scream while my body remained motionless. 

 

When his exam was done, I heard him scribble some notes before saying to no one in particular, "You sure had it rough.  We did the best we could, but some things will never go back to the way they were before."  Then he stuck me with something before he turned and opened the door greeting someone else entering.

 

"How is she?"  A female voice that sounded a lot like my mom called out.

 

"It's a slow process, but there are no complications so far.  She was lucky in a lot of ways.  You have to realize though....." that's when my mind started to get foggy and I had a hard time concentrating on what he was saying ".....the skin......we replaced what we could.......too much trauma........she can't wake up yet, her body........" and then blackness.

 

—————————————-

 

The next time I awoke it was to the sound of glass shattering against the wall. 

 

Pushing aside the vision I had just seen?Experienced?I scrambled out of bed and hung on the doorframe as a VERY drunk Levi threw what looked to be the half dozenth glass scotch glass against the far wall in anger. 

 

“WHAT.....in THEY HELL do YOU THINK you.....” and then my mouth drops open as he turns to look at me like he’s seen a ghost. 

 

“Rhey?”He says weakly as if he doesn’t believe I exist, the glass decanter of Erwin’s best scotch dropping to the floor and shattering.“Is that really you?”He reaches out a shaky arm as he stumbles towards me.

 

“Of course it’s me idiot, who else lives here?”I say with concern and confusion.

 

“Heh.”He says as he stumbles closer with a slightly crazed smile on his face and that’s when I notice the dark circles under his eyes, the paleness of his skin, and the fresh scars on his chest that peek through his disheveled shirt.“Where have you...” Then just as he is about to touch me, his body collapses. 

 

I barely have a chance to collect his dead weight before it falls full drunk onto the floor.“What a mess.”I say after dragging him to the bed I was in, undressing him and sloppily placing him to bed.

 

Picking up his clothes, I can tell he hasn’t showered recently.A trait so uncharacteristic that I am afraid to leave the room to clean them.What could have driven him to such a state and why did it seem like I shouldn’t be here?

 

There was only one way to find out.Realizing I needed a wardrobe change, it hadn’t even occurred to me I might not be dressed, I quickly raided the closet which was untouched from the last time I used it, and grabbed my clothes trying to prepare myself for the worst. 

 

As I walked the halls, familiar faces greeted me saying they were glad I was back.I played it off as best I could but my confusion only began to grow so I dropped the laundry off and headed for the one place I knew I could get answers.

 

I didn’t even make it to my destination before I was yanked against a familiar body and dragged into an empty room where I was pressed against a wall as strong hands came up to cup my face before desperate lips locked with mine. 

 

There was desperation, hunger and profound sadness in the kiss and I could tell something had deeply affected Erwin in the same way it had Levi. 

 

When I was finally let up for air, it was Erwin that spoke first.“Where have you been?”His tone was angry and worried.”

 

“What do you mean where have I been?I woke up in my bed after falling asleep there.Is there some reason I should believe I haven’t been there the whole time?And why was Levi THAT drunk anddelirious?He was shattering anything glass he could find.”

 

Erwin looked at me confused.“You mean you really don’t know?”

 

My face gets stern as I look at him and I can feel anxiety chills, the kind that make you visibly shake and your body get cold, rushing over my body.“Don’t really know what?”

 

“The last time we saw you was almost a month ago.We had to lie and say you were on a long distance reconnaissance mission, though I’m sure no one believed it.It got to the point where we had to tell Historia the truth.Fortunately, she is smart and had already formed suspicions before we talked so the news wasn’t a great surprise.”

 

I look at him stunned.“A......month?But I wasn’t.....”. Then it hit me.I had no way to know how time passed.I didn’t even know if I really existed here or not.As I thought more and more about what Erwin said, it became clearer and clearer that this wasn’t my reality. 

 

Though I knew that shouldn’t surprise me, it did because I had allowed myself to believe it was real.Now, as I stood in front of the man I had come to love, I realized that no matter what I did here, I could never live this dream forever. 

 

Was there even a point in trying to save them anymore then?Should I just let them all fall victim to their fate?That’s when my brain snagged on something Erwin said.

 

“.....if it hadn’t been for Ymir, Historia would have been dead.”

 

“Wait what?!”My head snapped up and out of its spiral.

 

“I said that Zeke attacked while you were gone and thanks to your forethought, the appropriation of funds from the corrupt generals and the application of those funds into defense as well people’s quality of life, things would have been a lot worse during the attack.It seems there had been a mole hiding in the elite guard, but since no one but us knew about Ymir, Zekes operative was unable to capture or kill Historia.”

 

I blinked in shock.Ymir had saved Historia.That meant that I had yet again changed history and if I could change history, maybe just maybe I could piece back together my broken dreams from whatever realm they came from.Be it this one or the one that kept trying to pull me back, I would stand by my plan to do everything I could to give humanity chance. 

 

“Thank you Erwin.”I smiled at him and he looked at me with a raised eyebrow.“It doesn’t have to make sense.Now take me to Historia and....while you are at it.....debrief me on this ‘long distance recon mission’ I apparently know so much about.”

 

We laughed as we headed to the throne room. 

 

I hadn’t forgotten my vision from earlier, but in this moment I couldn’t let it plague me.In this world I was whole and able to make the difference I clearly couldn’t make in the other so why allow myself to lie shattered on the floor like Erwin’s broken glasses and spilt scotch when I could make do with a mug and some boxed wine. 

 

Dreams were meant to be broken only if they were then destined to be re-envisioned bigger and better.I had all the pieces I needed to make this dream shine brighter.I just needed to make sure I also left some glue to keep it together if I wasn’t here to see it through. 


	36. H A N G M A N

"You're late."  Historia says as she sits eyeing me critically from her throne in the meeting room.  

 

"This, my queen, is one of those rare times where I think being late is better than never."  I rise from my bow looking at her with profound sadness at the truth of that statement.  "My apologies for being gone so long.  It was not my intention.  In all honesty it felt like a fraction of that time."  The look in her eyes glistens with knowing, but her face remains stoic and reserved.  She has fit into her role well.  

 

"Regardless, you are here now and there is much to discuss.  I have come to the conclusion that we should release the knowledge of the state of humanity to the people as the war we are going to fight is not just for us but for all of humanity in and outside of the walls.  If we have any chance of surviving, it will be with their support and full cooperation.  I would like to know your thoughts before we proceed."

 

I nod.  "Humanities resilience lies in its ability to adapt to that which drives them forward.  Forward as an individual, forward as a collective, forward emotionally....spiritually....sexually....it does not matter what the crux of their drive is only that their drive is fueled from the passion they have for that crux.  By giving them this knowledge you give them the power to define their own strength and dedication to their own survival instead of them relying on an overbearing force mindlessly.  If this is what you want to do, I stand behind you and humanity one hundred percent."

 

Turning 180 degrees, I address the elite behind me.  "Once this gets out there will be chaos.  Chaos not of the panicked mindless mob, but of the soul.  Panic from the unknown, panic from the truth, panic from the helplessness, panic from the lies.  Internal wars will rage and external voices will slander and clamor for advantage looking to find ways to benefit from depravity.  It will be each one of you that will stand against the chaos.  You will be the affirmation that humanity has a grasp on its destiny and provides a solid, unified front against which wishes to suppress us.  It matters not why they have come but that they wish to take what we have earned, what we have created and what we have died for.  You must hold the line, you must bear the sword.  If you do not fight with all of your being then you will die with nothing left of who you have become."

 

Turning back to Historia I ask, "Tell me what you need me to do."

 

"Be my strength as I tell them."

 

Bowing my head slightly as I place my closed hand to my chest.  "Just tell me when."

 

__________________________

 

Once we departed, instructions for missives had gone out that Historia wished to address the masses in the same place Erwin was to be hanged.  Smiling to myself I realized how fitting that was.  A life for a life.  Though he would not die to support the governments lies, the false ideals of humanity would be offered up instead for the salvation of truth.  I guess this is why nooses are adjustable though.  They have to accommodate every possible burden man wishes to eradicate.  At 6 P.M. with the sun at her back and the world ahead of us in front, Historia would address the people to put a close to the chapter of solitude we had lived in for generations.

 

Until then, I was free to do with my time as I wished.  

 

"I need to see him."  I said as I turned to Erwin who had exited with me.  "I need to know he is okay and discuss what happened."

 

"I agree.  Just know I have never seen him this angry.  I will come with you and wait outside in case he gets out of hand."

 

I nod as I take his hand and squeeze it.  "I'll call you if I need you, just don't interrupt until I do."

 

He looks deeply into my eyes with profound worry, but nods in agreement.

 

When we get back to the room, Erwin stands outside as I enter quietly.  The door is still closed to his bedroom and not a sound can be heard.  When I get to the door, I open it slowly to see he is facing the wall.  

 

"Go the fuck away Eyebrows."  He says with the irritation of a massive hangover as well as the soul crushing sadness of a broken heart.

 

"And if I neither want to go away nor am Eyebrows?"  I say softly, but with an appropriate amount of snarkiness.

 

Can a body truly turn that slowly yet contain that much tension as it does so?  It was like watching the string of a cross bow pulled tight as the bolt locks into place before the archer takes aim.  Every fiber of my being screamed to run, to hide but I stood my ground refusing to show any sign of fear.  

 

That was until I saw his eyes.  When his eyes turned on me not a shred of love existed.  All that they encompassed was hate.  Raw, unbridled, unrestrained hate.  His pupils were the smallest they could be leaving a menacing white nothingness that embodied the fear of every nightmare.  They bore past my soul in the beginning of my creation, decimating ever shred of self they could touch.  I became frozen as his body slowly slid off the bed naked and then creeped toward me never blinking never faltering.  

 

When he stood before me, I was visibly shaking.  Though I knew hate and love were the balance of each other, it was hard to think there was love still left behind the abyss of nothingness I saw in those eyes.  The only thing I could do was hand him the noose and have faith in the man deemed humanities strongest. 

 

Taking a deep breath, I slowly brought my hand to his hair and ran my fingers through it once....

 

His eye twitched.

 

Twice......

 

His breathing faltered.

 

Thrice.....

 

A tear fell and his lips quivered as the anger fought the love and raged against the sadness.

 

"I am truly sorry Lee.  I didn't even know I was gone let alone that long."

 

Then his eyes closed and his forehead hit mine as his arms wrapped around my waist.

 

"Do you believe me?"

 

His head nodded up and down as he fought the overwhelming sadness.

 

"Its okay Lee, I'm here now.  I am not sure if I can stay, but I will do everything I can not to leave again."

 

Then he pulled me to him and I felt the full weight of the world on my shoulders.

 

"You know it was one thing to carry humanities burden, humanities survival.  I had been trained to do that since Kenny found me.  What I can't carry is my own.  I can not carry the truth of what it means to survive without the reason I wish to survive.  Not on top of being everyone else's security blanket. "  Then he leans back and looks at me.  "Without knowing it, you had become the bearer of my life, my heart, and my truth.  You had inspired me the way I inspire humanities hope and without you, with out my hope, I am lost.  Lost even more than I was in the underground.  At least there life and death were black and white.  Now there is color and sound.  How do I survive in a world of grey now that I know what lies beyond the wall of lies?  You should just hang me from the wall so I can at least see the sun as what's left of my soul leaves me because dying in the light is better than living in darkness."

 

In that moment I had become both man's savior and its executioner.  In bringing forth the light, I would inadvertently extinguish the darkness that ignorance had created.  Could I take that burden for more than just myself?  Could I overcome both their and my own darkness?  If that truly was me in that dream, could I become something else here before time ran out?

 

There was no way to know, but it was too late to go back now.  All we could do was go forward with the light in our face and the dark at our back as we united against the enemy know as time and truth.


	37. Brave Enough

I wish....in the darkest parts of my mind...in the deepest parts of my soul......I was brave enough.....brave enough to fight beside you ....brave enough to die along with you....brave enough to live and breathe, lie and cry, brave enough to see the world you see, through the eyes mixed with a myriad of colors, as you break from your solitude, into the day.  How do I reach you, when the dawn of man comes alive and I am left with the memories of all that could have been as I fade into a world I never could fight the same war in and win?

\----------------------------------------------

It took no courage to stand behind Historia as she told the world the truth.  It took no courage to walk among the people in the wake of her speech.  It took no courage to travel the town and speak with citizens, ensuring them that their safety and well being were our top priority and that the truth was their right.  It took no courage, not because I was flanked by the one man I knew would sacrifice all of humanity for my own safety, but because I had faith that what I was doing was the right choice.  Courage isn't needed when the truth is pure, when you are so solid and affirmed in its message that you could lose all your senses and still be able to follow it's path.  

The courage I lacked came later when the war came knocking at our front door and all I could do was sit behind a wall of bodies and watch as humanity gave its life while I pulled the strings.  A savage attempt to regain what I had lost, or what had never been, for you see, Time is a vicious mistress.  She may be led astray with certain unforeseen knowledge or actions, but she will never waiver in her course entirely.  Once her mind is set, she will wear you down until you either eradicate her ability to move forward or you relent and let her take you over.

I would be walking the garden next to Headquarters stealing a moment of guarded solitude as Levi leaned against a nearby tree arms crossed, eyes closed, when the alarm went out.  These days he never left my side, hell bent on the idea that he would either keep me alive or watch me die.  It wasn't worth arguing, so I let him be and just took my liberties where I could.  

As soon as we heard it, we ran to the throne room for an emergency meeting.  As we entered, a cadet was giving his report.

"It would seem, your Highness, that several unexplained occurrences have sprung up all over the city.  As a result, the MP and scouts are stretched thin trying to put out all the fires, so to speak, regardless of what the nature of the occurrence is."

Historia looks at Levi, me and Erwin before scanning the room.  "Have we found the origination of the occurrences?"

"No your highness."

"Have we been able to suppress any of them?"

"Yes your highness, but they continue to spring up in another area as soon as we suppress them."

She purses her lips and creates a fist.

"It's clearly a diversion."  Levi says apathetically.  "The question is what is the real target."

Historia looks at Kenny skeptically.  "Kenny, why don't you of all people know about what is going on?"

He tips his hat up as he leans against the far wall before pushing off and addressing her.  "My goal was to infiltrate the Royal House and acquire its power for thyself, not suppress an exterior force.  With all this elite shit, your Majesty, I haven't had a chance to expand my networks."

"That's a crock of shit."  Levi spits.  You have one of the most complex networks available.  You mean to tell me you have lost touch with your contacts?"

"Regrettably, many ended up dead thanks to the coup." He snarled.

Historia turns and suppresses a growl.  "What do you recommend Captain?"

"The only reasons all of this could be happening is to draw us away from something far more important.  Since you don't seem to be in danger, that leaves only one other possibility; the Marley traitors."

I gasp.  "You really think they are trying to take back Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt?"  

"If they are what they are accused of being then yes."

"Then I suggest you take a team of elite and go find out Captain."  Historia declares.

Levi salutes before grabbing my arm and attempting to pull me out of the room.  "Levi I can't, I can't fight. I will only get in the way."  I say with slight panic.

He stops and looks at me.  "Think I can't protect you?"

"You can't protect me and humanity at the same time Lee.  I'll be fine here.  Just come back as soon as you can." 

He would just stand there staring at me with intense, frightened eyes until Kenny came up and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the door.  "C'mon kid.  We got work to do."

Lee stared daggers at him as he yanked his arm away.  Looking back one last time, he brought his hand to my face and caressed it before turning and leaving.

\------------------------------------

When Levi got to the apparently not so secret location where the prisoners were held, it was a blood bath.  The only man standing was Erwin and he had been injured, though not fatally.  Annie was also unconscious, but the others were gone.

"What the hell Erwin.  If you knew, why didn't you say something?"  Levi barked out.

"I knew you would be with the only other two people it could be about if I was wrong."

"The others escaped?"  Levi asked.

"Yes, moments ago.  If we regroup quickly we should be able to overtake them."  He said panting.

"You sure that's a good idea?"

"No, but it's all we have.  If we lose them we will be in bigger trouble if we aren't already."  

Levi turns to Kenny. "They don't trust you so go with him and make sure he doesn't die while I get everyone together."

"Guess I don't have any other choice."  Then he turns to look at Erwin " I'm not carrying you Commander, that isn't our relationship."

"Somehow I would feel more at risk if you did."  He straightened up.  "We will take the direct route to the wall.  Follow us as quickly as you can."

Levi nods then disappears out the door.

"Still a reckless child."  Kenny mutters before following Erwin out the door.

"Even so, he is the best damn Captain I have and I wouldn't trade him for the world or trust anyone else with my or the kingdoms livelihood."  Erwin rebuts.

"Guess he has changed a little, but if he doesn't get his head on straight he is likely to lose more than what he is chasing."  

"Won't we all.  Won't we all.  One way or another, I don't think anyone is going to win in the end but that doesn't mean we stop trying."  


	38. Pickett’s Charge Pt. 1

Fate.....destiny....no doubt matter how many lives we live or souls we take, history always repeats itself in little ways.  Man is not infallible and time is always endless.  I would fully grasp the truth of this as the reports came in once Levi and Erwin had gathered everyone at Wall Maria.

 

When word came that Bertholt and Reiner had escaped and the town was barely suppressing full out panic, I feared for the worst.I heard the prison was a blood bath, but that Erwin was only suffering minor injuries while Levi was headed for Wall Maria in pursuit of the escapees. 

 

"Do not worry your highness, we will get them back and restore order."I said looking out the window at the smoke and flames scattered across the landscape.Had my absence allowed this to happen?Did I even make THAT much of an impact?Why had only such a small disappearance set the clock back on track?I bit my lip and clasped my hands behind me.There had to be a way to end histories advancement, but the only thing I could think of was destroying all the heavy hitters: The Colossal, the Beast, and the Armored.

 

That's when the door slammed open and an out of breath Queen's Elite stumbled into the room."Your highness!My apologies but we have a situation!"

 

Historia and I share a worried glance before turning to the man.

 

"Report then."She said.

 

He stood up and bowed sharply as he breathed heavily."Commander Erwin and Captain Levi gathered on top of Wall Maria where they found evidence of the escapees.Upon further investigation, Armin Arlert found that they were hiding within the confines of the wall itself.When the escapees attempted to flee, with Zeke, they transformed into their Titan forms and are now set up to engage in a full out battle with our remaining forces."

 

"Jesus Christ.What information can you give me on the position of our troops versus their army?"I ask.

 

"Commander Erwin asked me to give you this."He pulls out a picture of the diagram Erwin had used to explain his anticipated charge to the men under his command. 

 

As I looked on in horror, fear and despair overwhelmingly apparent in my eyes, I can't help but realize the futility of the assault I know I have to stop.

 

"Rhey?What is it?DO you know what is going to happen?"Historia asks hesitantly.

 

"No, but I know what I can't let happen so help me god."I turn to the Elite soldier and command, "Take me to them NOW!"

 

"YES MA'AM!"He salutes and I look at the Queen.

 

"Stay with Ymir and don't leave this room.You should be safe but we can't be sure."Then I hug her.No matter what, take care of your people."Then the Elite and I exit on the run as I pray to every god I can that I make it in time.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

 

**On July 3rd, 1863 an assault ordered by Confederate General Robert E. Lee against Major General George G Meade's positions occurred on the last day of the Battle Of Gettysburg in the state of Pennsylvania during the Civil War. Its futility was predicted by the charge's commander, and it was arguably an avoidable mistake from which the war effort never fully recovered militarily or psychologically.

 

 

The charge is named after Maj. Gen. George Pickett, one of three Confederate generals who led the assault under Longstreet.

 

Pickett's Charge was part of Lee's "general plan" to take Cemetery Hill and the network of roads it commanded. His military secretary described Lee's thinking...

 

"There was... a weak point... where [Cemetery Ridge], sloping westward, formed the depression through which the Emmitsburg road passes. Perceiving that by forcing the Federal lines at that point and turning toward Cemetery Hill [Hays' Division] would be taken in flank and the remainder would be neutralized.... Lee determined to attack at that point, and the execution was assigned to Longstreet."

 

 

The infantry assault was preceded by a massive artillery bombardment that was meant to soften up the Union defense and silence its artillery, but was largely ineffective. Approximately 12,500 men in nine infantry brigades advanced over open fields for three-quarters of a mile under heavy Union artillery and rifle fire. Although some Confederates were able to breach the low stone wall that shielded many of the Union defenders, they could not maintain their hold and were repulsed with over 50% casualties, a decisive defeat that ended the three-day battle and Lee's campaign into .

 

 

The lines were the same.....the setup was the same.I had no idea what was going to happen but I knew.....that beast titan had a nasty habit of using his hands and with all the debris out here that arm would be just like a cannon shooting shrapnel at any oncoming army. 

 

"Please Erwin don't do this.Don't sacrifice many to save the few.There is a better way....there has to be."I said to myself as we raced across the streets in our 3DMG gear as quickly and safely as possible. 

 

As we came upon the wall, we just barely missed getting crushed by oncoming debris as boulders flew past us and into nearby buildings.

 

"FUCK!"I said before catching my line on a few lower buildings so I had a better vertical view of oncoming projectiles. 

 

"You okay Ms. Rhey?!"The Elite called out and I gave the thumbs up. 

 

We continued more cautiously until we were able to make it to the top of the wall and scan the brutality that lay before and behind us.  The armor titan was rampaging the wall as an entire mindless titan army was laid out in front of us.  Why couldn't I see this?  Why had I been so stubborn and not read the manga?  Why....why was it up to me?

 

"He wants to kill us all you know that right?"  Levi's familiar voice cut through my fear and self doubt as he came to stand beside me as we looked out onto the helpless scene around us.  

 

"I know this move and historically it fails.....for the losing side....but this isn't that war.  The players are all mixed up."

 

"You can't predict everything you know.  If you try, Fate just rears its ugly head and takes it all away."  He doesn't look at me when he says it, just stares blankly out onto the horizon.  

 

"I have this knowledge for a reason so maybe that isn't entirely true.  I have to try.  If you all go out there you will lose as many, if not more, as this war did in my time."

 

"Was it worth it?"

 

I turn to him confused.  "Was what worth it?"

 

"The war in your time.  Was it worth it?"

 

I stand there in shock and think, dragging up all the little bits of history my father had told me as he dragged me from battle field to battle field as I got poison ivy and died of boredom not caring about our relative in the 105th infantry division of the Union side.

 

"Yes."  I finally say. "Yes it was."

 

"What were they fighting for?"

 

I smile slightly as I look out on the potential loss the field of battle may take in the next moments as humanities war rages on before saying, "Much like us, they fought for the progress of humanity.  In my time, as in yours, we had a race of people the upper echelon wanted to suppress just because of the color of their skin and their geographical origins.  Much like now, that echelon was split between the North and the South.  The South wanted repression, the North amalgamation and coexistence.  The North didn't believe that this race held inferiority or could over power their 'more dominant' race.  They believed man should exist as one unit fighting against the tyrannies of the world and the ones they themselves created because the laws that they had set forth to rule as a civilized people had declared that man, no matter what he existed as, had rights integral to his potential and the potential of humanity.  It would be this war that would spark generations of change throughout civilization as first race and then sex became equal in society, but it was here and now during this battle that those things became possible.  If the North hadn't won, I most likely would have ceased to be."

 

"Then I guess you have to figure out how the FUCK to get us out of this mess."  He said before taking my hand and squeezing it. 

 

"Isn't that your job?"  I turn my head to smirk at him.

 

"It will be once you tell me what to do.....and convince that reckless idiot to cool his fucking head."

 

"Right.  Where is he anyway?"

 

Levi points down to a cluster of bodies at the base of the wall. "Giving the worlds shittiest pep talk that has everyone pissing their pants." 

 

I role my eyes and sigh.  "Right.  Let's go then."


	39. Pickett’s Charge Pt. 2

"The enemy is not that which we see, but that which we create.  In validating his existence with our eyes we give rise to our own doubts and insecurities, creating a monster instead of a surmountable obstacle.  When you look out on that horizon...." Erwin unsheathes his blade and points it at the enemy set before us "......you see that which wishes to extinguish not just man but the future of a an entire existence.  Should they win, we will never know the potential of the dreams our lives carry as they evolved into the future.  What history have we lost?  What ignorance have we kept?  How valuable is your security that you would allow yourself to live in fear and never know that which lies beyond?"  For a moment he allows reflection before he continues.

 

***"Behind me stands a wall that encircles the free sectors of this city, part of a vast system of barriers that divides the entire [world outside the walls as we know it]. From [Wall Maria], south, those barriers cut across [the land in a mass of broken houses and broken dreams]. Farther south, there may be no visible, no obvious wall. But there remain [unforeseen barriers we can not control or understand]--still a restriction on the right to travel, still an instrument to impose upon ordinary men and women the will of a totalitarian state. Yet it is here in [this moment] where the wall emerges most clearly; here, cutting across your city, where the [brutality of the Titan invasion has created] this brutal division of a [world] upon the mind of [its people]. Standing before [Wall Maria], every man is a [civilian], separated from his fellow men. Every man is a [civilian], forced to look upon a scar."

 

Erwin scans the crowd, taking in the nervous and frozen faces of men being faced with the finalizes of war.  As he goes to address them yet again, I place a silent hand on his shoulder causing him to turn and smile briefly.

 

"I came as soon as I could.  I hear you are giving a pretty shitty speech."

 

Mild laughter breaks the aura of dismay that litters the crowd of cadets now standing in front of me.

 

"I found it to be rather inspiring even in all its truth."  He said point blank.

 

 

"Dead men tell no tales Erwin.  What you plotted out on your map is suicide."

 

"What I plotted on the map was only part of the plan.  As you can see we are surrounded on two fronts; the Armored in the back and the Beast with his army in the front.  It is my suspicion that they wish to pinch us in and destroy our horses, leaving our only escape being death.  When we are too weak to resist, they will take Eren and leave the rest to rot."

 

"It is a sound strategy seeing as they seem to have the upper hand.  With our current technology we have no way to combat them on the ground without mounts or cover so we are forced to stay within our walls caged like some fighting dog in a pit fight."

 

"Exactly."  Then he looks out at the wall of Titan's facing off with us as a sudden gust of wind captures his hair and lifts it like a fleeting memory up into the heavens. 

 

"So what is the rest of your plan?"  I ask casually.

 

"I have spoken to Eren, Squad Hanji and Squad Levi about how to handle the Armored Titan.  The rest, including Levi, know what to do in regards to the Beast Titan and his army."

 

"Then why bother showing me the map?"  I asked with mild sarcasm.

 

"Because you are the only one who can make me see the world as it IS instead of the world as it is embodied in my dream.  I realized now that I know what is in the basement.....I no longer know what to live for.  I have the truth and with the truth came an emptiness that only you have been able to fill.  As I stand here ready to face humanities greatest foe I wonder, what will life be like beyond the walls should we succeed.  Are there even greater foes?  If that is so, how will humanity face them as we are now?"  His eyes go sad and I see in their depths the vast grief he has put himself through getting to this point. 

 

Cupping his cheek in my hand I say, "Humanity will face it as it always has.  One foot in front of the other, one hand reaching out as the other extends back, never wavering, embracing its fear, rising above and bonding together in its time of need.  As wretched as we are, there is no greater force in the world than humanity for it is both an existence and a state of mind."  Then I release his cheek and ask, "Now tell me this plan, just in case."

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

With a few revisions to his plan, Erwin and I stood atop Wall Maria as the King and Queen of battle.  The King, responsible for the artillery which comprised of the Thunder Spears I had been unaware were present, embodied the power behind the attacks ensuring all weapons, human and non, got employed effectively.  The Queen, responsible for the infantry, ensured all tactics and manpower were effectively positioned and requisitioned as the need arose. Artillery conquers and infantry occupies,  a J.F.C. Fuller quote, plays through my head as we await to give the orders.

 

Nothing has ever seemed as surreal as this moment.  The sky is clear, the land unmarred or unobstructed, the players introspective....the perfect combination for.....

 

"THE ARMORED TITAN IS READYING TO CLIMB THE WALL!!!!" A voice screams from my left causing Erwin and I to turn and look.

 

Sure enough crouched in a sprint stance ready to launch, the Armored hardens his hands and feet before launching into a sprint straight for our position.

 

"Squads to arms!"  Erwin yells as the team responsible for protecting the horses vaults from the wall where we had regrouped to meet the assault of the smaller titans unleashed on our front.

 

Though the Armored moved at incredible speed, time still seemed to slow as I watched him charge the wall. 

 

"Was it worth it?" Levi's words flit across my mind and I purse my lips. 

 

"Is it really worth all this Reiner?  Aren't we all the same?"  I whispered to no one.  From where I stood everything seemed so meaningless.  Why was suppressing the people here so important?  If it was just resources, trade could be established.  They weren't hurting anyone so why was annihilation the only answer?  It wasn't, but short sighted men only saw short term goals and this was the work of a masculine hand bent on corruption and self satisfaction.

 

It took no time at all in reality for the Armored to scale the wall and stare us down, making me feel like a modern David and Goliath.  Having minimal combat skills, I stood there watching Erwin in awe as he pulled back his hood and stared with his side eye at the creature that had shirked humanity for a false existence and pretense.  Such strength, such determination.  The man was a pillar of determination and sacrifice that, should man survive, would be memorialized as an icon of humanities resolve. 

 

It wouldn't be until Eren shifted into his Titan form that Reiner would break the gaze and stare at the plans that had been put into motion.  As Eren ran, I could see the resolve that brought him here break as he tried to choose the fork he should take.  Did he follow Eren and risk us using the horses to our advantage or did he kill them and proceed with whatever plan the Beast Titan had countered with?

 

In the end, Eren was the greater priority.  Sliding down the wall to give chase, I would watch as they fought hand to hand in a battle that for Reiner only ended in capture, but for Eren ended in the reclamation of everything he had lost.  As I watched the punches fly as Eren put his heart and soul into defeating the hardened wall of shallow humanity Reiner hid behind, I realized even if man was defeated her and now its soul, its fire would never be extinguished.  The remains of this fight, this civilizations struggles, would live on well beyond the machinations of one man.  With such pieces of human sacrifice left behind someone, somewhere would pick the torch back up and fight the same war over and over until the flame of freedom blazed freely.  This was just one fight for our lives and even if we lost here, they would never win the war.

 

 

 

 

****The History Place Greatest Speeches Collection Ronald Reagan "Tear Down the Wall" __


	40. Ask What You Can Do For Your Country: Defend Against the Threat

 

An Old Soldiers Prayer

 

I have fought when others feared to serve.

I have gone where others failed to go.

I've lost friends in war and strife,

Who valued Duty more than love of life.

 

I have shared the comradeship of pain.

I have searched the lands for men that we have lost.

I have sons who served this land of liberty,

Who would fight to see that other stricken lands are free.

 

I have seen the weak forsake humanity.

I have heard the traitors praise our enemy.

I've seen challenged men become even bolder,

I've seen the Duty, Honor, Sacrifice of the Soldier.

 

Now I understand the meaning of our lives,

The loss of comrades not so very long ago.

So to you who have answered duties siren call,

May God bless you my son, may God bless you all.

 

Lewis Millett

 

\---------------------------------------------

I was never one to enjoy MMA or UFC.  Like the vast array of other "masculine" sports, I saw no point in physically assaulting another person just to establish victory.  Here, in this moment, I finally saw the origin behind such physical brutality.  In its raw form, pitting man against himself proved not only his dominance over his apponent, but his dominance over himself.  If he could, with his own entirety, best another of his ilk deemed equal in every way then he has superseded both his own expectations as well as those of humanity themselves based on pre-selected qualifiers.  

 

As I watched the two dance the waltz of war, I found myself breathless and riddled with an anticipation reserved only for the crestfallen, the downtrodden, and abused.Who would initiate first blood?Who would sacrifice their position to mark their dominant intent?Who would.....

 

Then it happened in a flash.As Eren hardened his fists, Reiner charged, throwing an aggressive punch filled with too much power that it slowed his reaction time.Eren being lighter on his feet, dodged it with the distance between molecules to spare causing my hand to go to my mouth and my teeth to kneed my lip in angst. Fortunately, Eren spun back to face Reiner faster than it took Reiner to reposition himself and initiate another charge that Eren also dodged before slamming him squarely in the back and pushing Reiner several feet backwards.

 

Charging once again, Reiner went for a punch to the head, which Eren dodged and reciprocated with a solid knockout punch to the jaw that knocked him down and shattered part of his face.Though briefly stunned, Reiner rose and launched himself yet again at Eren's towering form only to be punched yet again, though this he blocked with his forearm allowing him to resist damage but be thrown into the houses directly behind him as he lost momentum. 

 

Locked in a defensive stance, Reiner took punch after punch as he lay wedged in between the buildings he had collapsed into as Eren beat....and beat.....and beat at his face.With each successful blow, it became more and more reassuring that maybe Eren could actually win out without intervention from Bertholdt.

 

At least until Eren gave him a second to regain his balance, allowing him to charge and force Eren to suppress him with a hand to his head as Reiner went to wrap his arms around Eren in a vice.Becoming too sure of himself, Eren pushed away enough to try to round house kick, but Reiner charged and grabbed his ankle before flipping him to the ground, picking him up and slamming him with unforgiving force, into the nearby houses like he was beating a dusty rug with a stick.

 

Not giving Eren enough time to recover, he maintained hold on his ankle and lifted him again only to slam him down against the earth so the base of his neck and shoulders collided with the unforgiving patch of nature causing a fault to appear as the world rippled with the force before trying to ram the fist of his other hand into his face.

 

Seconds past before the dust cleared showing Eren had barely escaped with his face intact, which enraged Reiner and caused him to act out in anger rather than logic as he initiated his next attack.Within seconds, the two were engaged in a wrestling match with Eren as the sub, a position that due to its frequent occurrence actually gave him the upper hand.

 

Wrapping his legs and arms around Reiner, pinning him effectively in a bear hug that locked Reinier's arms as Eren effectively forced them into a subjugating angle behind Reiner's body as Eren linked his legs at the ankle.Now it was just a test of strength as Eren held Reiner motionless by brute strength alone.....at least until Reiner got a leg underneath himself and breached the solid defense Eren's limbs held him in. 

 

Eren was not about to let up, however, and used Reiner's rising momentum to flip him over and away from him casing Reiner to tumble a few feet before coming to a kneeling position facing Eren.As their eyes met, Reiner then realized how poorly he had timed his suppression of Eren as a scout rappelled into his vision and release two rods of unknown origin at him.There was no way for Reiner to process in such a short amount of time, what unfolded after that until it happened.As the rods pierced through his eyes and ignited, it felt like the world slowed as his deafening scream ripped through the chaos and tension. 

 

As Reiner reached for his damaged eyes, more rods slammed into the base of his spine before exploding and opening up his armor enough to allow us to end him once and for all.We did not realize how, even his defeat, would be part of the plan.Within seconds a barrel was sent soaring through the air and we soon realized how foolish we had been.There was no way to guide them so far from the wall.There was no way to know just how this would all play out until the barrel landed and the district they lay trapped in gained yet another variable bent on curbing its revitalization.Was I just supposed to turn my back and let them carry the path of fate in their own hands or did I try to circumvent whatever chaos was about to be let loose?

 

If that barrel lands.....

 

That's when I looked at Erwin and gave a weak smile.All to save the king, for the kingdom of the weak shall never rise if he who leads falls to the very precedence each man strives to banish as the truth holds pain well beyond their understanding or capability of accepting.

 

It took him a second to understand, but by then it was too late.I was already repelling over the houses and to Eren as fast as I could.Though the barrels trajectory was still high, it hadn't begun it's descent.I should have enough time to get to Eren before the distance became too close and the risk too great.

 

Up.....up.....up

 

Closer....and closer....and closer....

 

At the moment it reached its peak and began to plummet towards the city, I landed on Eren's shoulder and yelled in his ear.

 

"EREN!DON'T FUCKING ASK QUESTIONS JUST LAUNCH ME TOWARDS THAT BARREL AND DON'T FUCKING MISS!!!!"

 

He stared at me blankly as best he could for a minute and then his eyes went wide.

 

"Don't you fucking dare."I whispered in a deadly voice."Just do what I fucking say on 3."Then I slid down his arm and stomped on his fist until it opened and he turned his hand so I could rest on his palm. 

 

He looked at me and I glared at him as the barrel raced towards the ground.

 

"Just do it you idiot."I tried to stay calm but my heart was about to explode and my nerves were vibrating.

 

After a moment he nodded as voices around us yelled words we couldn't hear and he closed his fist around me.

 

"1!"

 

He squeezed a little tighter

 

"2!"

 

 He rocked his hand back ready to throw.

 

"3!"

 

Then I was airborne and closing in on the barrel.I couldn't let it end like this.I couldn't let them suffer.I had never done anything to change the course of my life so now was my chance.If the only way to rid the future of its desolation was to destroy the present then so be it.Now was my chance.One for One, and eye for an eye.If I could make a difference here.....

 

The sheer force of the wind made it impossible to see clearly.I had to squint my eyes and peer through the tiniest slit, but I never lost sight of the object of my interest.As I noticed my trajectory was off, I prayed I was close enough to grab it with my grappling hook.Ejecting in the barrels direction, I heard the line unravel and almost reach the end before it thunked into solid wood.Though the force or the retraction on the line wasn't enough to launch me quickly at the barrel, it was enough to pull it towards me as I moved towards it bringing us in contact several hundred feet safely above an earthbound blast zone.

 

Guess it's now or never.Pulling out my blades, I stabbed them into the barrel at the top and at the bottom.No matter what was in there, it would end here.See no evil, I said to myself as the blades tore through something soft in both places.With contact made, I released the blades and attempted to push away from the barrel letting it fall to its eventual destruction and hopefully destroying whatever was inside on contact with the ground.

 

Lady luck wasn't on my side it seemed, and seconds after I went to kick off the barrel, it exploded in a gust of hot steam and pressure that sent me flying across the horizon as I careened for the buildings below me in a tumbling death spiral at the same time the remnants of the barrel fell to the ground.

 

Did I make a difference?Would I be able to see it through?The world seemed so far away and yet so close as I saw the ground, or was it the sky rapidly coming to meet me.As I tumbled through the air I no longer knew up from down.All I knew was if I couldn't get out of this spiral I would surely meet my end against something soon.I tried to stretch my arms out, but my momentum was still too fast and my body was still acting like a bullet out of a gun. 

 

I closed my eyes one final time, resigning myself to my fate and the deed I would never know the success or failure of.If I was to die here, I will have died doing and not surviving something at least.That was good enough right?

 

That was the last thought I had before my body slammed into something a lot softer than the ground should be and the world went black.


End file.
